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CHAPTER TEN

GYRIK

Zach often said things that made little sense. He often found my confusion amusing, which was why I’d agreed to let him join us on the search for survivors. He never got angry and always explained things.

However, I was questioning my wisdom as I tried to understand what he was telling me.

“She wasn’t even blinking, Gyrik. Trust me when I say that’s a good thing. I think she’s starting to have the hots for you.”

That I understood—the thought Ava found me physically attractive—and he read the skepticism in my gaze. Holding me for warmth did not mean Ava had the hots for me. Unfortunately.

“I’m starting to feel a little offended here, Gyrik,” Zach said. “Have I ever lied to you?”

“No.”

“Then why would I lie about this? I’m telling you, she was definitely enjoying the view.” He handed me the pile of clothes he held. “Hurry and change so you can go talk to her. I think she’s still a little shaken up by the infected, so make sure you drive. Don’t worry about me. I’ll ride shotgun with Bram.”

I watched him jog back toward Bram’s truck and glanced at Ava.

She wasn’t studying me now. Her head was back on the seat, and her eyes were closed as if she were resting. But a small smile curved her lips. I liked her smile. She looked pretty without it but even prettier with it.

My cock twitched despite the cold temperatures and my numb toes.

Without looking away from Ava, I quickly dressed in grey sweatpants, a black t-shirt, and running shoes. Since clothes that fit me weren’t easy to find, I used snow to clean the worst of the blood off my dirty clothes then carried them back to the truck.

Ava didn’t open her eyes as I tossed them into the truck’s bed, but she did when I opened the driver’s side door.

The color in her cheeks darkened as she watched me get in.

“I can drive if you want to take a break,” she said.

“I’m not tired. Are you? You had your eyes closed.”

She shook her head, and the pink tint coloring her cheeks became more vibrant.

She was watching you, Gyrik. Like…really watching you as you took your pants off. I think she liked what she saw.

Zach was young and hadn’t yet experienced the hate and revulsion I had. I could understand why he would think Ava was interested in me if she’d watched me undress. Zach was used to this world already. Ava was not. She saw me removing the heads of the infected for the first time in her life. And witnessed the messy aftermath.

“Are you angry?” I asked.

“Angry?”

“Your face is very red.”

The flush spread down her neck. Her heart started to race, and I could see the panic grow in her eyes.

“Some of the females in the community think the way we remove their heads is cruel. It makes them angry.”

“Oh. Uh…no, I’m not mad. I would think it’s a pretty quick way to go, and I can’t imagine they feel very much when they’re walking around with other body parts missing.”

“Everyone ready?” Zach asked over the radio before I could say anything else.

Ava reached for it too quickly and almost dropped it. She fumbled with it for a second before bringing it to her mouth.

“Ready,” she said.

“Ready,” Will echoed.

I started the engine and drove for a few minutes as her pulse calmed.

“Zach told you, right?” she asked. “That I saw you change?”

“He did,” I said.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t really thinking straight after seeing the infected like that. It was a little traumatizing, you know? The infected, I mean! Not you. You were…” She cleared her throat. “What I’m trying to say is that I wasn’t purposely invading your privacy, and I’m sorry that I did.”

She was apologizing for looking at me?

I swallowed my offer to change for her again whenever she wanted.

Don’t be desperate.

Don’t be desperate.

Don’t be desperate.

“I’m not angry you saw me without clothes. The way humans always keep themselves covered is something my brothers and I have adapted to.

“When we’re reborn, we emerge from the pools without clothes. It’s our natural state. Why hide what is natural?” I glanced at her to see if she understood what I was saying and found her staring at me. Had she misunderstood? Did she think I was telling her I would walk naked in front of her?

“I won’t remove my clothes in front of you on purpose,” I said quickly. “Only to remove infected blood. It’s dangerous to humans, and I don’t know if Pete and Repeat can be hurt by it either.” Repeat was worming his way onto my lap. “I don’t want to hurt any of you.” I petted him until he settled comfortably.

“I’m not upset you were naked,” Ava said. “I felt bad you had to clean up in the snow—that had to be cold. And I feel bad you’re the one who has to kill the infected. If it were me, I think I’d be a little upset and sad. Mostly sad, really. Even though they aren’t healthy people…or maybe even living…they had been living people at one point. Removing their heads has to be a little upsetting.”

I’d never thought of them like that. Rather than seeing what they’d been, I only saw what they were, which was a threat to the healthy humans that remained. A threat to friends like Will, Bram, and Zach and precious females like Ava. But Zach once told me females liked men who could touch their feelings—not just their sex feelings. I tried to think of something full of feelings to say to her.

“It is sad that so many humans were infected before my brothers and I understood what was happening. But only seeing the sadness of what has already happened will blind us to the hope and beauty of what can still happen. That’s what Mary says.”

“Who’s Mary?” Ava asked.

“She is James’ wife. They are the oldest people in the communities. Emily says we should listen to them because they have a lifetime of wisdom. Mary isn’t afraid to look at us naked. James doesn’t let her do it often, though. He says too much is not good for their hearts.”

Ava made a choking sound. I glanced at her. She was staring straight ahead.

“I have so many questions,” she said quietly.

“You can ask any of them.”

For the next hour, I told her about Tolerance and the people who lived there. Stories of Mary and James and the fighting club that Hannah called feight club especially entertained Ava.

“I think that’s something I’m going to want to see for myself,” she said after I’d described the sacrificial pile of human male penises Hannah and Brenna liked to shoot at.

Although Angel had promised that Hannah didn’t hate real penises or the men attached to them, several of my brothers were still nervous around her when she held a bow. She seemed to enjoy shooting at the replicas very much. I worried Ava might also grow fascinated with them.

“Do you want to shoot at male parts too?” I asked, feeling a hint of concern.

“It sounds like it could be fun.”

My concern grew.

“Brooke likes to draw Solin’s male parts. That could be fun, too.”

“I can’t tell if you’re offering to show me your parts or trying to dissuade me from joining in the fun of shooting at fake man parts.”

“Both?”

Ava laughed. The sound filled the truck and my heart.

“We’re stopping here,” Zach said over the radio.

“Why are we stopping?” Ava replied.

“It’s difficult to drive into the cities that were bombed. It’ll be safer for us to wait here while you check your family’s home.”

“Okay,” Ava said as I stopped.

I set Pete on the seat beside me and got out to open her door for her. She exited with Repeat in her arms. I gently stole him, whispered we would return quickly, and put him back in the warm cab.

“Are you sure you want to go in there?” Bram asked, joining us.

Ava looked from him to me. “I’m not sure what going in there entails, so why don’t you spell it out for me before I decide?”

“Gyrik is going to take you the rest of the way on foot. It’s quieter and will draw less attention. He can also go where the trucks can’t if the bombs have obliterated the roads.”

She looked around at where we’d stopped. Nothing was around the trucks, just an open expanse of road that would make it easy for them to see anything that approached. Easy to be spotted too.

“How far away are we?” Ava asked.

“The two-twelve is ahead. So, seven or eight miles out from Shakopee. Once you get in there, Gyrik will need you to tell him which way to go. Sound can carry a fair distance on a still day like today. And the snow’s not as deep here to slow the infected down.”

“It’s still cold, though,” Will said, joining us. “They move a little slower when they’re cold.”

“So every time I say anything to him, it will attract infected.” Ava looked at me. “What do you think? Am I risking everyone's safety by wanting to go in there?”

I liked that she was looking at me for confirmation.

“It is no more of a risk than trying to find other survivors,” I said. “I will keep you safe. Bram, Will, and Zach know how to keep themselves safe while we’re in there.”

“Okay. Then, I do want to check.”

Bram spread out a map on the hood of the car. “We’re about here. You probably know the area better than I do, but according to this, there are two bridges that may or may not still be standing to get you across the river. Where’s the house again?”

Ava pointed to a location on the map. “In here.”

They talked for several minutes about alternate routes and what to do if we met other people. I watched her expression as Bram explained what to do. She was focused, paying close attention to every caution he gave her.

“Not everyone will welcome Gyrik like you did,” Bram said. “Expect bullets first and words later. He’ll run, find somewhere safe for you, and go back to disarm them. If that happens, stay put. He’ll be back for you. And if, for some reason, he doesn’t come back, we will if we can. Remember the rules. No light and stay quiet at night.”

I could see her worry as she nodded and tucked her covered hands under her arms. Was she cold or afraid? I wasn’t sure.

“Any questions?” Bram asked.

She shook her head, and he looked at me.

“Watch for anyone following our tracks,” I said. “You’re in the open. If you need to leave, leave. I’ll track you.”

“We will. Hurry up so we don’t worry.” Bram clapped me on the back then got into Ava’s truck.

Ava turned toward me, and my palms started to sweat.

Since leaving her bed this morning, I’d been looking forward to holding her soft body against mine again. I imagined her naked against me. No shirt and no underwear. Just skin against skin.

“Are you okay?” Ava asked.

I blinked myself back to the moment and her pretty, amused smile.

“It looked like I lost you there for a second.”

“You will never lose me. I promise.”

Her smile grew. “You might if we have to run. I saw how fast you can move. There’s no way I could keep up with you. Are you ready to start walking?”

I wiped my palms against my legs. “Can I carry you? It will be faster.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I know you’re strong enough, but it’s eight miles.”

“I’m sure.”

She stretched her arms out from her sides. “Have at it, then.”

I had her in my arms a second later and fought not to rub against her like Pete did.