Page 25

Derek

The weight of everything Jake said sits heavy in my chest, making it hard to breathe properly. I feel restless, like my skin doesn't fit right, like I need to move or I'm going to crawl out of my own body.

"I need to move," I say suddenly, pulling back from Kav'eth's embrace.

"I know," Kav'eth says simply. "I feel it."

The empathic bond. Of course he can feel my agitation, my need for physical release from all this emotional chaos. Without another word, he stands and takes my hand, leading me toward the door.

We walk through the ship's corridors in silence, and when we reach the pool area, Kav'eth moves directly to the environmental controls while I stand there still naked from our earlier conversation.

The bright lighting dims to something softer, more intimate, casting gentle shadows across the water's surface.

I hear the subtle change in the filtration system as he adjusts something else.

"Higher resistance?" he asks, his fingers hovering over the controls.

I nod, not trusting my voice. The fact that he knows exactly what I need, that he's creating the perfect environment for me to work through this mess in my head, makes some of my tension ease.

"Thank you," I manage.

Kav'eth's golden eyes meet mine in the dim light, and I see nothing but understanding there. No judgment, no impatience, just acceptance of what I need right now.

I slip into the water without ceremony, the water's resistance and warmth immediately soothing some of my jagged nerves. The pool is darker now, the subdued lighting making everything feel safer, more contained.

I hear the soft sounds of Kav'eth undressing, then the gentle splash as he enters behind me, but when I glance back, he's already submerging, diving deeper than I would normally go. His form disappears into the darker depths of the pool, leaving me alone on the surface to start my laps.

I begin swimming with more intensity than usual, pushing against the increased resistance, feeling my muscles work and my heart rate climb. The familiar rhythm of stroke, breathe, stroke, breathe starts to quiet the chaos in my mind.

You were an hour late to dinner.

Stroke, breathe.

You spent half of dinner checking your phone.

Stroke, breathe.

I would never be a priority in your life.

I flip at the wall and push off harder, needing the burn in my lungs to match the burn of shame in my chest. How many times did I do that? How many times did I choose my phone, my content, my followers over the person sitting right in front of me?

When I pause to catch my breath, treading water in the middle of the pool, I look down and see a soft golden glow moving beneath me.

Kav'eth's bioluminescence creates patterns of light in the dark water, beautiful and alien and somehow comforting.

He's staying below, giving me space but not leaving me alone.

I start another set of laps, but this time I find myself watching for those glimpses of light beneath me.

Sometimes Kav'eth surfaces quietly near the pool's edge, just long enough to breathe, his golden eyes reflecting the low light before he disappears again.

Other times I catch sight of his form gliding through the water below me, graceful and fluid in a way that makes my breath catch.

The repetitive motion, the resistance of the water, the steady presence of Kav'eth's light beneath me; it all starts to work its magic. My thoughts begin to settle, to organize themselves into something more manageable.

Jake was right. I was selfish. I hurt someone who cared about me, and I didn't even realize I was doing it.

But Jake also said something else. He said as long as I do better next time, it's all good.

Next time.

I stop swimming and float on my back, staring up at the dimmed lights on the ceiling. Below me, Kav'eth's bioluminescence pulses gently, a constant reminder that I'm not alone in this.

Could there be a next time? Could I actually learn from this, change, become someone who shows up properly for the people I care about?

When I look down again, Kav'eth is closer to the surface, his face visible in the golden glow of his own skin. His hair floats around his head like a halo, and his expression is patient, serene. Waiting for me to work through whatever I need to work through.

"Hey," I say softly.

He surfaces fully, breaking through to breathe. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," I admit. "Still pretty fucking terrible about myself, but... better."

Kav'eth moves closer, close enough that I can see the water droplets clinging to his blue-tinted skin, the way his bioluminescence creates soft patterns across his chest and shoulders.

"You are processing," he observes. "Working through difficult realizations."

"Yeah." I reach out and touch his arm, marveling at the way his skin warms under my palm. "Jake was right about me. I was a shitty boyfriend."

"You were learning," Kav'eth corrects gently. "And now you have the opportunity to do better."

"With you."

"If that is what you choose."

I study his face in the dim light, this incredible alien who has somehow seen past all my bullshit to something worth loving.

"What if I fuck this up too? What if I get so focused on.

.. I don't know, whatever work I end up doing on your planet, that I stop seeing you?

What if I become that guy who's always distracted, always putting something else first? "

"Then we'll figure it out," Kav'eth says simply.

"I don't know much about relationships, but I think.

.. I think they probably require paying attention to each other?

Making choices to care about what the other person needs?

" He pauses, looking uncertain. "I'm not sure how it works, but I want to learn. With you."

The water laps gently around us as I absorb this. "Is that what you were trying to tell me before? When you said I'd have to give up my career?"

"I was asking you to consider what you prioritize," Kav'eth says carefully. "Whether your current life allows space for the kind of relationship you seem to want."

I float closer to him, drawn by the warmth of his presence and the steady glow of his bioluminescence. "And what kind of relationship do I want?"

"Tell me."

The question is gentle, but it requires an honest answer. I think about floating in the pool with him before, talking about nothing and everything. I think about him making me comfort food from his childhood, about the way he looks at me like I'm fascinating rather than just aesthetically pleasing.

"I want what we had this morning," I say finally. "Before everything got complicated. Just... being together. Talking. Taking care of each other. I want to be fully present with someone instead of always thinking about the next post, the next opportunity, the next way to optimize my image."

"And do you believe your current career allows space for that?"

I'm quiet for a long moment, letting myself really consider the question instead of just reacting defensively.

"No," I admit. "It doesn't. It's designed around constant content creation, constant engagement, constant performance. There's no off switch."

Kav'eth moves closer, close enough that I can feel the warmth radiating from his skin. "What would your life look like if there was an off switch?"

The question opens up possibilities I haven't let myself consider. "I don't know," I say honestly. "I've been doing this for so long, I'm not sure who I am without it."

"You are Derek," Kav'eth says simply. "You are intelligent and dedicated and passionate about fitness and nutrition.

You are kind and funny and more beautiful than you realize.

You are someone who cares deeply about doing things properly, even when it means admitting you have been doing them wrong. "

His words hit me differently than Jake's earlier honesty. Where Jake showed me my flaws, Kav'eth is showing me my potential.

"You really see all that?" I ask.

"I see you," Kav'eth says, echoing my words from earlier. "Not the performance. You."

I reach for him then, needing the contact, the reassurance that this is real. My hands find his shoulders, and I pull myself closer until we're floating face to face, our bodies warm against each other in the cool water.

"I'm scared," I admit quietly.

"Of what?"

"Of giving up everything I've built and discovering I don't know who I am without it. Of being with you and falling back into old patterns. Of leaving Earth and regretting it. Of staying on Earth and regretting that."

Kav'eth's hands come up to cup my face, his thumbs tracing gentle patterns on my cheeks. "Fear is reasonable. This is a significant decision with permanent consequences. But Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"You are not the same person who was late to dinner because of a supplement post. You have already begun changing simply by recognizing that change is needed."

I lean into his touch, letting his words settle into the places where shame has been eating at me. "How do you know?"

"Because you called Jake to get perspective instead of making a reactive decision. Because you are here, processing difficult emotions instead of running away from them. Because you are asking questions about who you want to be instead of defending who you have been."

The gentle lapping of water around us, the warm glow of his bioluminescence, the patient certainty in his voice; it all combines to create a sense of peace I haven't felt since this whole conversation started.

"I think I want to try," I say quietly. "Being with you. Building something real instead of just performing a life."

"Think?"

"I'm still scared. And I still need to figure out some practical things.

But yeah, I think I want to choose you. Choose this.

" I gesture between us, at the intimacy of floating together in the dark water, having the kind of honest conversation I never had with Jake.

"I want to learn how to show up for someone properly. "

Kav'eth's bioluminescence pulses brighter, and through our empathic bond I feel his hope, his cautious joy at my words.

"We will learn," he says, leaning his forehead against mine. "I have never been in a relationship like this either. I think we will both make mistakes, but maybe... maybe that's normal?"

"But we'll figure it out?"

"We will figure it out."

I kiss him then, soft and unhurried, tasting minerals and something uniquely him. The kiss is gentle, reassuring rather than passionate, and when we break apart, I feel more settled than I have since Jake's call ended.

"Thank you," I say.

"For what?"

"For knowing what I needed. For not pushing me to decide everything right now. For being patient while I work through my shit."

Kav'eth smiles, and the expression transforms his whole face. "Thank you for being willing to work through it instead of simply making a decision to avoid discomfort."

We float together in comfortable silence, hands trailing over each other's skin in gentle, non-sexual touches.

I trace the patterns of his bioluminescence, watching how the light follows my touch.

He runs his hands over my shoulders and back, and I can feel his appreciation for my body that goes beyond just aesthetic attraction.

Through our empathic bond, I feel Kav'eth's contentment, his relief that I'm working through this instead of just shutting down or running away.

"I love you," Kav'eth says quietly.

The words don't scare me. Instead, they feel like a gift, like a promise of what we could build together if I'm brave enough to try.

"I love you too," I tell him, and mean it completely.

We stay in the water until my fingers start to wrinkle, just touching and talking. And when we finally get out, I realize that somewhere in there, I stopped worrying about how I looked or what I should be doing next. I was just... me. With him.

It feels good.