Page 65 of Defending You

That one kiss had shattered every wall he’d built. It was life-altering, the kind of kiss that made him wonder if losing his job might be worth it if he could just kiss her one more time.

His pulse hammered. She’d tasted of apples and blueberries and something uniquely her. And he was sure, no matter how much time passed, he’d never forget that flavor.

What am I doing?

He raked a hand through his hair, tugging hard as if the pain could pull him back to reality.

He needed to move. He needed the gym, his punching bag—a way to release this tension.

Push-ups. That would help. On the floor at the end of his bed, he started. Up and down. Focus on the carpet. Focus on the burn.

Anything to replace the memory of her.

He couldn’t return to his fantasies about Cici, that she was his, that she loved him. She’d shown her true colors way backin high school. Even if she’d changed, even if that kiss hinted at something more, did he really want to reignite a flame he’d spent years smothering? He’d been a stupid kid with a crush, dreaming of her, only to have those dreams squashed under her careless laughter.

He wasn’t going back there.

And he wasn’t about to destroy his future for her.

That moment back in high school, that moment when she’d laughed at him, had changed his life.

Despite his parents’ financial troubles, Asher had come to believe he could achieve all his dreams. He knew he’d be valedictorian, since he was at the top of their class. He’d been offered scholarships. When his parents had warned him about the risk of college—how he might not be able to handle it, how he might flunk out or lose his scholarship—he’d assured them he could handle it.

Like most people his age, he’d been young and cocky. And like most people his age, he’d gotten knocked down a few pegs.

In his case, Cici had done the knocking.

After that day, he’d changed his plans. He hadn’t wanted to stay in Maine, where all his scholarship offers had come from. He hadn’t wanted anything to do with Shadow Cove or the kids he went to high school with. He’d wanted to leave it all behind.

Mostly, he’d wanted to leave his humiliation behind.

Not that he regretted the decision. The Navy had been good to him. The Teams had been good to him. But he did sometimes wonder what life would’ve been like if he’d gone on to the University of Maine and majored in economics like he’d planned. Or finance. Back then, he’d dreamed of political office. His fallback plan had been to become a financial planner or a stockbroker.

Those dreams had crumbled, along with his self-respect, the day Cici had laughed at him.

She’d changed the trajectory of his life. And yeah, he’d let her. He should’ve gotten over it. He could’ve faced the humiliation and gone to college.

He wasn’t blaming her. He’d had to own his fears—of failure, mostly—fears he could kick himself for now.

At the same time, he wasn’t going to let her screw up his life again.

When he delivered her safely home and got paid, he’d have the down payment for his condo. He’d buy it, then leverage it to buy a real piece of property—land and a single-family home, a place that was his alone. A place nobody could take away from him.

He was going to build a foundation, the kind of stability he’d never had growing up. Someday, God willing, he’d have a family, and when he did, they’d never wonder where their next meal was coming from.

Never.

He was going to have the kind of stability Cici’d had all her life—with zero effort on her part.

Not that he was bitter. He knew who he was and what he wanted. He’d envisioned a future, and Cici wasn’t in the picture.

She was attractive, sure, with those intelligent eyes and her quick humor, but she was shallow. Even now, where he’d built a life that revolved around protecting people, she’d built a life that revolved around jewelry.

See? Shallow.

Except, was she?

He flipped to his back for sit-ups, wishing he were at the gym where he could get a real workout.