Page 55 of Deep Blue Sea

‘Like what?’

‘Take a motorbike across Asia.’

‘Then do it.’

‘Fly to the edge of space. Maybe in one of those F-14s or Russian MiG jets. Pretend I’m Maverick in Top Gun.’

‘Surely you know Tom Cruise. He might be able to sort you out.’

‘I want to see a volcano erupt, camp in the Arctic – you know, man versus nature. I want to free-dive.’

She opened her mouth to tell him that this was one of Rachel’s great loves, but stopped short of revealing it. It had often occurred to her that Adam and her sister would be a good match, and she had thought about subtly setting them up. But every time, she had found some excuse not to. True enough, in those early days she wasn’t even sure that she liked Adam. He was self-confident in a way that made her feel inadequate, with a reputation as a commitment-phobe, and her sister did not deserve a man like that. Or secretly, deep down, did she not want her sister to have a man like that? A man even more handsome and charismatic than her own husband. Was that an unspoken truth between sisters? That you wanted them to have the best of everything so long as it wasn’t better than yours.

‘And I want to get married. Have a family,’ added Adam, polishing off his sandwich in just a handful of bites.

That one nearly knocked her off her seat.

‘You’re broody?’

‘It’s pure ego,’ he teased. ‘It’s just what the world needs – Adam Denver mini-mes running around brightening the place up. What about you?’ he added more softly.

She shrugged and smiled, wondering why she had never played this game before. After all, she and Julian had had the money to do whatever they fancied.

‘See Ayres Rock at sunrise. Get a degree. Go to a lap-dancing club.’

He almost spluttered on his Pepsi. ‘You’re a dark horse . . .’

‘Rachel lived in Soho for a while. She always used to make it sound so exciting. She knew all these crazy people. Sometimes I think I need a walk on the wild side.’

‘You might find it’s overrated.’

She felt exhilarated by the conversation. For just a few moments life was full of possibilities once again, and there seemed an urgency about it.

‘Is that it?’ he asked after a few moments.

There was one thing she wondered if she would ever do, but she didn’t dare voice it aloud.

She wondered if she would ever recover from the death of her husband, if she would ever meet anyone new.

‘That’s it,’ she said, wiping the corner of her mouth with a napkin.

They talked for another twenty minutes about Adam’s latest hotel purchase from the Qataris – a string of grand dame hotels in some of the world’s top cities – and as he spoke, Diana wondered why the Denvers had been so quick to dismiss him as the family clown.

‘We should go,’ said Adam when they had both finished their food. They got back into the car and drove along the coast through the village of Charmouth, taking a turn up a steep hill shaded on both sides by oak and poplar trees. It was a glorious day to be out in the country and a perfect day to forget your troubles and just be, thought Diana. Not worrying about yesterday or tomorrow, no inquest or investigation, just driving through beautiful scenery with someone she liked.

As she glanced across at him, watching him concentrating, observing his hands on the wheel, the same strong hands and lightly tanned forearms as Julian, she realised that the day was beginning to feel more like a date. The thought was unwelcome. It felt traitorous and wrong. And yet if she squinted, if she allowed herself to get swept away by the moment, it was like going back in time.

Back to her first date with Julian, an occasion that still brought a smile to her face. She had insisted on meeting him in Highgate Village. At the time she had been living with Charlie in a small flat in nearby Tufnell Park and had been too embarrassed for him to pick her up from where she lived. More particularly, she didn’t want him to come inside and see the books and toys belonging to her six-year-old son. She had never denied Charlie’s existence at work, but had felt it better to keep the fact that she had a child low-key. She loved her temporary admin job at the Denver Group and she didn’t want to do anything to jeopardise it. Besides, she was realistic enough to know that being a single mum did not help your dating prospects, no matter how attractive men found you.

It had been a warm Saturday, much like this one. Julian had been wearing chinos and a white shirt, and she had been pleased to see that he looked nervous. She knew she was playing with fire dating Julian Denver. Not only was he the boss, but she had also heard through the secretarial rumour mill of his reputation with the ladies. He had led her to his car and she had half expected him to take her into town – to one of the flashy restaurants or hotels she knew his sort frequented. But instead they had driven the short distance to Hampstead Heath. They had sat outside Kenwood House with ice creams and gone to the Spaniards Inn for lunch, when Julian had told her all the folk tales and legends associated with the pub. How Keats had written his most famous poem here. How Dick Turpin had stopped here for a tankard of beer. How the owners – two brothers – had ended up duelling over a lover.

She and Julian had just clicked. And when he’d d

riven her back to Tufnell Park, without even asking her address, finally admitting that he’d looked it up on the human resources database, she knew that their fledgling romance had a future.

Much as she hadn’t wanted the evening to end, she hadn’t invited him into her flat. She’d played it right all day and didn’t want to ruin everything by having him step on a plastic fire engine. Years later, when she knew him better, she saw that it had been a clever move. Julian wasn’t used to being turned down, and he loved a challenge. Diana’s apparent reticence made him all the more intrigued, the one woman in London who seemed to be able to resist him. Inadvertently, she had played it perfectly.

‘Here we are,’ said Adam, stopping the Aston Martin in a small dusty car park on top of the hill.