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CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Violet

Kayce and Matteo left together in Matteo’s SUV. He’s taking Kayce to meet with Vincenzo and Mili. I’m curious to know how she’s feeling and if she’s truly giving Vincenzo hell the way I believe she will.

As soon as they were gone, Declan offered me a bag of clothes and toiletries, then told me to go take a hot bath and relax. He claimed I had a rough enough few days, and the least he could do was help me relax and relieve some stress off my shoulders.

Now I’m lying in a large Jacuzzi tub in the master bathroom upstairs picturing all the ways he could help me relieve said stress, and it’s doing nothing to help me relax. I can’t help the effect he has on my body, but I can’t trust him with my heart.

But you want to.

I do, but if Kayce is right and James has discovered the truth, that Carter and I are alive, he’ll definitely be looking to kill us both, and anyone he finds us connected to. It’s the only reason I took Vincenzo up on his offer to keep us safe. James would never consider looking for us to be hiding with a mob boss. Not after I saw the man he was working with and how badly he scared me.

He was an older Italian man who oozed charm but made my skin crawl at the same time. I only ever saw him one time. I overheard him threatening James, saying he’d face consequences if he didn’t produce the evidence required to turn a judge in this man’s favor. The beating I got for eavesdropping on their conversation is still vivid in my memory.

“Do you smell that, Violet?” James growls in my ear. The blindfold prevents me from seeing what he’s doing and with my arms tied to the bed, I can’t pull away.

“Answer me.”

“I-It smells like one of your cigars.” My words are coming out in a stuttered mess, something that only angers him more. He hates when I sound like a ‘stuttering idiot’.

“Very good,” he purrs. “Let’s see if you can figure out what this next scent is.”

Without any further warning, he grips my forearm and pushes the fiery end of his cigar into my bicep. Not once, but four times. One for each year of Carter’s age.

I scream and his hand comes down to smother my mouth, pushing up against my nose and blocking me from breathing to stop the sound.

“Shut up, you fucking cunt! If the neighbors come knocking, I’ll break the boy’s arm again and you don’t want that, do you, Violet? Lord knows, the boy is clumsy, just like his mother.” His breath is hot on my face. Spittle wets my cheek as I struggle to breathe.

James uncovers my mouth enough to allow air through, but doesn’t let the rest of his hold on my arms go.

“That’s the smell of burning flesh. Shall we revisit it again? Do you need another warning?”

Tears stream down both sides of my face. I shake my head. He lifts the blindfold, and I watch as his eyes go from filled with rage to molten with desire. Bile rises in the back of my throat. I know what’s coming next. His hand covering my mouth flips over and, in such a stark contrast, softly caresses my cheek. It’s what he does. It’s the illusion of gentleness and care.

“Shh, sweetheart.” He whispers. “You don’t mean to upset me, right? You just need a reminder once in a while to be the good little housewife everyone else believes you to be.” His finger caresses a line down the side of my throat. It stops when he reaches the top button of my nightgown.

“But we both know the truth, don’t we?” The menacing tone of his voice causes me to shutter, which only serves to turn him on more. He loves the sight and sound of my fear. “You’re nothing but a worthless cunt who can’t keep her fucking nose out of other people’s business. We’re going to fix that tonight. I’m going to teach you a lesson you won’t forget, because if you do,” James’s whole-body is hovering above me now, his knees wedging my legs open uncomfortably wide. His eyes widen as his nostrils flare. “If you forget your place again, Violet, the boy will pay a hefty price for your disobedience. Do I make myself clear?”

His hand comes up, gripping my throat tight, cutting off my air once again. I nod as much as his grip will allow and whisper the words, “Yes, I understand. Please don’t hurt Carter. He’s just a child.”

James brings his face closer until we’re nose to nose. “Then I suggest you learn your fucking place, cunt.” Then his hand rips the front of my nightgown open and…

A loud knock on the bathroom door pulls me out of the horrendous memory. My hand instinctively rubs at the burn marks on my bicep.

“Violet,” Declan’s thunderous voice calls through the door. “Are you all right, baby?”

I sit up in the water, covering myself with my arms. He can’t see me through the wooden door, but I still feel vulnerable and exposed.

“Yes. I’m fine. I must’ve dozed off in the tub.”

“You made a strangled noise. Are you sure you’re all right?” He sounds frustrated. Why should he be angry?

A strangled noise.

I have to get a grip on myself.

“I’m sorry. Like I said, I dozed off for a minute. I’m fine now. I’ll be getting out soon,” I call back. “I’m sorry to have worried you.”

“It’s all right, Dove,” his voice softens. “Just get out now, yeah? It’s not safe to fall asleep in a tub full of water,” he gently scolds.

“Yeah. I am,” I answer sheepishly, pushing a stray hair behind my ear as if he could see how uncomfortable and bad I feel for worrying him. How awkward knowing he heard me whimper at a memory of my past life.

I pull the plug and shout back, “I’m getting out now. I’ll be down as soon as I’m dressed.”

“Ok, Dove. I’m going to set the plates. Come down when you’re ready.”

I wait until I hear his retreating footsteps before I step out of the tub, wrapping myself in a soft yellow bath sheet. It feels amazing against my skin as I sit on the edge of the tub, cradling my face in my hands and just breathe.

I would never have stolen the evidence Vincenzo asked for from our home if I thought James would find us again. Vincenzo has a lot of pull, but James has innumerous people in power backing him. Law enforcement is on the bottom rung of the ladder he’s climbed up. He has lawyers, judges, senators. Those are just the corrupt leaders he has in the legal system. The people he works with on the other side of the law, those are the people I fear the most. Those men have a reach I know I can’t outrun for too long.

Even so, the deal Vincenzo made with Kayce to hide us away and give us the protection of his men should we need them was only valid if I brought him the evidence personally.

Once I did that, Vincenzo gave me a job and an apartment in the middle of town. He helped get us new identities, then got Carter enrolled in school. Once I got the job at Knock Outs gym, I quit working at The Pearl. Vincenzo wasn’t upset about my leaving. In fact, he was happy for me. He knew dancing wasn’t my first choice for a job and understood why I wanted to leave. I wanted to be working when Carter was at school and home for him afterward instead of leaving him with a sitter all night. None of it matters if James finds us.

It's been two years since Carter and I fled our house in Baron’s Edge, watching as it went up in flames. Maybe that’s all the time we have. Perhaps our time for peace was meant to be fleeting, and now it is drawing to a close.

“God, I just wish I could relax. Breathe. Even just for a night.” The words of my heavy heart fill the empty room, but there’s no one here to hear them but me.

Declan was right when he said I’d love to let him take control for a while and take a break from everything. I don’t know about the taking orders part. I’m not one for kinky sex.

You’ve never had kinky sex, so how would you know?

Okay. Maybe I’ve thought about it, but it’s not something I would consider now.

If he could help you relax and let go, just for one night, it couldn’t hurt.

No. My own desires are not important. The way I feel about Declan, the future he claims we’ll have, is one that hopeful dreams are made of, but I can’t allow myself to do anything more than imagine it. Dreams are not for people like me. My dreams have always turned into nightmares.

I thought it was so wonderful having found James my senior year of high school and being swept off my feet. He’s older than me and was already a deputy when I met him, but my father thought we were a great match, so he allowed me to date James.

He was charming, thoughtful, and made me feel special. When I talked about college, he seemed encouraging about it until I got my acceptance letter for a college in California. James got so upset, he teared up and asked me to marry him, promising I could go to college here at home and he would help pay for it. I agreed.

Things were good for the first few months after our wedding, but somewhere along the line, James changed. He began accusing me of cheating on him, then one night after coming home late from a study group in the library—it was the first time he hit me.

He apologized and swore he wouldn’t do it again, and being young and naive, I believed him.

Things were better for a while, especially after I told him I was pregnant. I was so excited about having a baby until James told me I would have to drop out of school immediately because he would no longer pay my tuition. He wanted me to stay home and raise our son, not get an education. I argued with him over the whole idea and how absurd he was being. After all, I would be pregnant for nine months before the baby was born and saw no reason I couldn’t finish the semester out at least.

James lost his temper, and after the beating he gave me, I lost our first child. The next day he went down to the college and unenrolled me from every class.

I won’t let a man control me like that ever again.

I must find a way to hide Carter to keep James from finding him.

If he finds me, I’ll fight like hell, but if I should die at his hands, my son needs to be safe. I can’t just leave him with Vincenzo. Although I know he would protect him, would he love him? Would he raise him to be a good man?

No. More than likely he’d be raised to become an intimidating, overbearing, opinionated asshole who speaks in riddles and scares people with just the lift of his eyebrows. I couldn’t bear the thought of Carter becoming just another soldier for Vincenzo.

The thought of Carter not only being alone, but feeling alone, with no one to truly care for him and love him, hurts my heart. He needs someone who will teach him to be strong and courageous. To stand up for his beliefs and for those who can’t stand up for themselves. Allow him to mourn losses and learn from his trauma, not hold it in or use it as an excuse. To let shit go and do what makes him happy.

I don’t believe Vincenzo would teach him those things. As much as I appreciate everything he’s done for us, Vincenzo is very much a man after his own best interest. He might use Carter’s pain to turn him into a vengeful, angry, loyal henchman. The thought physically pains me.

Then you can’t let James find you. Carter needs his mother.

I can’t leave Carter behind. We’ll have to run together. I’ll stay with Declan for a few days and as soon as we get back into town, I’ll grab a few essentials and take Carter some place safe. Some place far, far away. Maybe Hawaii.

How would you afford living there? You barely afford your simple life here.

Deciding I don’t have the emotional capacity to think about this right now, I retreat to the bedroom and find the t-shirt and boxers Declan has left out for me to wear.

“He couldn’t bring me some of my own clothes?” I mumble to myself.

I pull the shirt on over my head and it falls down to the tops of my knees. It’s soft and smells of laundry detergent—and Declan. Pulling the collar to my nose, I take a deep inhale and let his scent settle over me.

When I try to put the boxers on, they are far too big, even after rolling them several times, so I opt to leave them.

“I’ll just have to sit with my legs crossed and at a distance during dinner.” Talking to myself seems to have become my new coping mechanism.

Back in the bathroom, I pick up my dirty clothes and fold them, finding a hamper in the corner and putting them neatly inside. Then I pick up the towel and fold it twice, making sure the trifold creases perfectly and the edges match just so. The rug beside the tub is wet. Making sure it lays perfectly even over the edge of the tub, I leave it there to dry.

Stepping back to check the room, making sure everything is in its place nice and tidy, I realize what I’m doing. After two years of being away from my husband and out from under his thumb, the asshole’s rules are still ingrained in me.