Page 79 of Deceit

Without warning, he rolled onto his side again, but this time he crashedagainst me, forcing me onto my back. With an arm across my stomach, he grabbed my hip as he threw a leg over one of mine, effectively pinning me to the bed. Wracking sobs took hold of his body as his head rested on my chest.

“I’m sorry,”he repeated again and again, clutching onto me like he thought Iwas going to vanish at any second. My heart cracked a little more when warm tears dripped onto me.

In his vice-like grip, I managed to free my arms, wrap them aroundhim, and began rocking him.“Shhh, you’re okay, Miles. You’re okay.”

His apologies and moans of anguish didn’t cease, and I hated hearing hispain, especially as I couldn’t wake him from his nightmare. I continued to rock him when an idea came to mind.

When I was little and had bad dreams, Mama would sing her favorite song tome:‘Smile,’by Nat King Cole. I’d wake from the nightmare to find I was safe in her arms, and she’d rock me back to a peaceful sleep while she sang the entire song.

I didn’t know if it would work, but I didn’t know what else to do, and I had to try something. I started the first sentence softly, almost a whisper, my own tears threatening to fall.

Tears for Miles’ pain and tears at the memories of my mama. When Ireached the end of the first verse, I paused, noticing Miles’ body was no longer trembling in my hold.

“Don’t stop,”he whispered, his grip on me loosening fractionally.

I took a relieved breath and continued with the next verse, the words comingeasily for a song I hadn’t heard in years. Closing my eyes, I let the words flow, encouraged by the light circles Miles was rubbing against my hip.

For a few seconds after I finished, neither of us spoke; the only sound fillingthe space was the beating of our hearts. Miles continued to draw circles on my hip while I brushed my fingers along the warm skin of his arm.

“The first time I heard you sing,”he began, a hint of distress still audible inhis tone.“I thought you had the most beautiful voice I’d ever heard.”

My lips lifted into an appreciative smile as warmth flooded my body at hispraise. I’d been to Bar Forty-Four at least a dozen times since the dayMiles walked back into my life, and I liked knowing he’d been there,evenif I hadn’t seen him.

“Thatwas you hiding in the shadows at the back of the bar, wasn’t it?”Iasked, recalling the figurethatlurked in the darkness, and was gone the second I stepped off the stage.

“Yeah.”

“Why did you come to the bar?”

He didn’t reply for a long second.“I told myself it was because I needed tosee with my own eyesthatyou were safe.”

“I had Gus.” At the mention of his name, guilt speared me in the chest. I still felt terrible that I’d been the cause of his murder.

“And look howthatturned out,”Miles said, shifting to look up at me.“But afterthe first time I heard you sing, I couldn’t have stayed awayevenif I tried.”

I bit my lip to stop words from spilling out when an invisible hand reachedinto my chest and squeezed my heart. Three little wordsthatI couldn’t allow myself to say out of fear they wouldn’t be reciprocated.

“Are you okay now?”I said, wanting to get back into safe territory.

“Yeah, I’m sorry,”Miles replied, his head returning to rest on my chest.

“You don’t need to apologize for being human and having a nightmare,Miles.”Tentatively, I added,“What was it about?”

He inhaled a deep breath, and his relaxed body tensed under my arms. Ithought he would say he didn’t want to talk about it because he didn’t speak at first, before he finally said,“Theo. It’s the same nightmare I’ve been having almost every night since he died.”

Pity rushed through me. I’d had the occasional dream about my mom, butthey were never nightmares, more like she would visit me in my sleep, tell me she was at peace, andthengo again. Yes, I’d awaken with a morose feeling lingering, but in a way, I liked those dreams; I got to see her again.

I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be plagued by nightmares ofsomeone you loved.

“What happens in it?”

His arms tightened around me.“It always starts with me finding Theo’s bodyat the docks with his throat slit. I think he’s dead, butthenhe wakes up and tells me it was my fault.”

I kissed the top of his head, wishing I could make his heartache go away.“Isthat…isthatwhat happened? Did you find him?”

“Yeah.”He paused, but I didn’t reply, giving him time to find his words.“Ishould have been with himthatnight. If I had, he might still be alive.”

“Where were you?”I whispered.