Page 92 of Death’s Kiss (The Order of the Tide Raiders #1)

After everything , he has the nerve to refuse me of my own godsdamned past. I’m blindingly furious, and the ground suddenly shifts onto its side.

Agni catches me swiftly in his arms before my face hits the floor. He then sets me back upright firmly and states very evenly, “You need to attempt to control your emotions right now, Boreas.”

His amber eyes lock on mine intently, and the next words he speaks are very deliberate, like he needs me to pay very close attention to his every word. “It isn’t that I don’t want to tell you the answers to all of your many questions.”

I pause and study his face for a moment. “So you’re saying that you can’t ?”

A bit of relief eases the burning intensity in his gaze. “Clever girl,” Agni says with a small, provoking smirk.

My lips flatten in silent assessment before questioning him shrewdly, “To be clear, are you saying that you can't, as in, you are somehow, impossibly, physically, unable to speak to me about my past life? Or are you saying that you can't, as in, it would spoil the twisted little games you’ve been playing with me for your own personal entertainment this entire godsdamned year?”

Agni doesn’t even have the decency to look ashamed of his prior torment before holding up one finger in silent emphasis that it’s the first option.

I read the sifting embers in his gaze and, unfortunately, get the sense somewhere deep down in my gut that the improbable claim he is making is actually somehow true.

“Does anyone else know me—or who I once was?” I next demand.

Agni‘s expression flashes for a moment, and I could almost swear there was a glint of sadness in his gaze before shaking his head ‘no’. Again, I study him closely and once more feel that same little twinge deep down inside that lets me know it's the truth.

Blowing out a huff of annoyance, I begin marching back down the tunnel.

The very air feels like it’s pulsing with my anger.

I keep trying the breathing method, but every few rounds some random thought will trigger an emotion, and that horribly unruly power within will come swelling back up inside just for me to begin pushing it right back down.

After about five minutes of this internal battle, I lose my hold on the beast, and a great resounding ‘crash’ sounds from a tunnel collapsing far too near our passageway for comfort.

Agni halts to give me a look before demanding, “What exactly are you doing right now to control your emotions?”

“Breath-work,” I snap.

“And that means what, exactly ?” he slides the last word through his teeth.

Swallowing my hatred towards the male, I explain, “It's a count of four breathing technique. I breathe in to four, hold for four, exhale to four, hold, repeat. It usually helps me shove down my emotions and restrain my affinity when it becomes too unruly. But it is not currently working as well as it usually does.”

Agni blinks once slowly before puffing out his chin with his tongue while his eyes search my face like he’s waiting for me to say that I'm joking.

When I return him a look of total perplexity, he closes his eyes and lets out a low groan in aggravation.

The hand not holding his ship bottle comes to pinch the bridge of his nose, and he looks to the sky while muttering painfully to himself.

“ Hoc tam durius futurum esse quam putabam. ”

I watch silently as he eventually swallows thickly and finally returns his eyes to mine.

“So to be clear ,” he says in a mockery of my prior shrewdness. “You are telling me that this entire time, you have been bottling up and then shoving down both your emotions and your elemental power as your way of controlling them? And that no one has ever taught you any differently?”

His tone has me hesitating and my answer comes out more like a question. “Um, yes ?”

Agni’s eyes widen in renewed disbelief, and his hand actually comes to cover his mouth while he shakes his head at me in that newly agitating way. “How are you still alive ?” He practically explodes, running a hand through his maddening hair.

“ Deos supra et infra. ” Agni chokes. “All this time—I thought you were just being intentionally pathetic for the sake of strategy so I played along! You don’t even have the godsdamned fundamentals to control what’s just been unlocked!” he exclaims, his tone verging on murderous.

“Then what should I be doing?” I ask, my voice rising in equal irritation.

“Controlling them, not containing them!” Agni’s nearly shouting in frustration.

His eyes blaze so fiercely against the gold of his menacing scar that I actually step backwards in involuntary reaction to their blinding fury. He notices the movement and clamps down tightly on whatever he was about to say next before exhaling deeply.

“Sorry,” he huffs angrily, and his irises return to amber.

Agni's next words come out softer in tone. “What I am trying to say, is that you should not be actively fighting to restrain the multitude of very valid emotions that you’re currently feeling. As an elemental especially , you should feel them, and process them, and then bend them to your will. ”

He takes another deep breath. “However, due to the fact that you have had less than zero proper instruction, it will likely take quite a while for you to get to that point.”

I look away from him and his aggravating amount of knowledge. Biting down on my lower lip, I begin to worry what this will mean now. I could hardly even control my affinity before.

Agni sighs in outward annoyance before setting down his vault trophy once more and coming to stand before me. I shift the bottle in my arms before glancing up to him with raised brows.

“Give me your hand."

I scowl immediately. “No.”

He smirks at my prompt refusal. “I’m just going to show you a trick that will allow you to at least feel whatever array of emotions you’re currently feeling without bringing the entire maze down around us.

Then we can make it back to our crews, get out of here, and you can begin plotting how best to execute my murder. ”

I snort without thinking, and I’m instantly irritated by my own amusement. Grinding my teeth, I gingerly set down ‘Death’s kiss’ before angrily placing my hand in his. Then I watch through skeptical eyes as Agni gently flips my hand over so that my palm now faces upwards.

“This is the first technique I ever learned,” he says, meeting my gaze, and I find his eyes a golden shade I’ve not yet seen.

It almost looks like sunlight.

“The idea is that each finger is tied to a different array of emotions.

The thumb is linked to worry and anxiety, the index finger is your fear, and the middle finger is for bitterness and rage, although—" He stops mid-explanation to let out a dark chuckle. “I think you’ve already got that one figured out.”

I roll my eyes, and he chuckles again.

“The ring finger is tied to despair and depression, and your pinky is for stress or nerves. So when you have an emotion begin to swell up inside, don’t repress it.

Instead, just focus on trying to identify what exactly it is.

Then take your other hand, use it to wrap around the finger tied to that emotion tightly, and take a very deep breath.

It will ease the potency of the feeling, which will then allow it to pass by and roll off of you. ”

I chew on my lip, thinking through the steps.

“Let's try it out, get the technique down, and then we can get this show on the road. Because I am not risking you getting even one single step closer to my crew in this state. Nor do I think you are willing to risk getting closer to your own.”

“How ? ” I ask, visibly annoyed that I’m forced to accept his help right now.

His upper lip twitches with amusement. “We’ll play our favorite game. I’ll ask you a couple of questions. You identify how the answer makes you feel, use the method, and then allow the emotion to pass by and roll off.”

“Fine. Let's get this over with,” I mutter.

He smirks at my obvious vexation. “We’ll start with something easy. How do you feel knowing your crew is currently detained— safely —by my boys?”

The potent emotions come swelling up inside, and I soon find that my knee-jerk reaction is in fact to beat them right back down. I grind my teeth and deny myself the temptation. Instead, I focus very hard on identifying the monster itself.

It wasn’t that I thought that my crew was helpless.

They all had each other and their affinities should anything go truly wrong.

Plus, they had already done very well on their own.

I was very proud of them. So it really came down to them being in a situation where I wasn’t there to intervene and didn’t know what variables there could possibly be going on.

“Anxiety,” I answer with a tight swallow as a shallow tremor runs through the ground.

“Good,” Agni replies, nodding for me to try his technique. I wrap my opposite hand around my thumb, tied to the emotion of anxiety, and squeeze tightly while taking a deep breath .

I am a bit amazed at how well the method works.

It’s like standing up to your waist in the ocean and allowing a wave to pass through you before rolling down to the shoreline.

It doesn’t mean the situation is gone or the emotion is no longer present.

It's just that now it’s dispelled to a point where I can think, and see, and act without its interference.

“See, it works.”

I look up to find Captain Agni’s face is stupidly smug.

“And as I’ve said, they are safe. My boys are under strict orders, and they are just as loyal to me as yours are to you.

They’re practically hounds. Plus, I’m pretty sure your third has done something to enchant poor Ophios.

My second won’t let anything happen to them. ”

I tamp down on my own smirk when thinking about bringing up that tidbit to Kleio in front of Herse.