Page 89 of Deadly Cry

‘I still think about it now,’ she said. ‘I remember everything about that day: the weather, the victims, the placement of the mangled metal, the smell of charred flesh and something else.’

‘What?’

‘That you sent every other officer away for a breather before you went yourself.’

He could still see the stricken faces of the officers dealing with the incident. Some had kids of their own.

‘It’s not that you don’t feel, but it’s like you’ve got this extra reserve of strength, another gear that is only to be used when it truly matters.’

Lynne paused and waited for the penny to drop in his mind.

He shook his head as the fatigue continued to wash over his body.

‘Blimey, Penn, it must have been a long day. He’s trying to stay strong for you.’

‘But he’s so angry with me.’

‘Because he wants to break down. He wants you to break down. He needs you to, so that he can do it too.’

‘Aww… shit,’ he said, rubbing his hand through his curls.

‘He needs you to talk about her, not pretend she didn’t exist. He needs to remember her and mourn her.’ Lynne’s hand moved towards his but stopped an inch away. ‘You both do.’

He met her gaze fully for the first time. ‘I fucked up, didn’t I?’

She smiled. It was a smile he liked. He really did miss working with her.

‘Yeah, you did, but you can put it right,’ she said, nodding towards the lounge.

He was suddenly overcome with gratitude that she had been there for Jasper, that she had dropped whatever she was doing to help his brother.

‘Listen, Lynne, thank—’

‘Forget it, Penn. It’s what friends do. Now get in there and talk to your brother. I’ll let myself out.’

He nodded his thanks and headed into the lounge.

Jasper was holding the game controls, but nothing was moving on the screen.

‘Hey, bud, what are you playing?’ he asked cheerily and immediately understood that was exactly what his brother didn’t need him to do.

He sat on the sofa, resting his forearms on his knees and realised that neither of them had yet sat in the armchair that had been their mother’s favourite place to sit.

He heard the soft click of the front door closing behind his old colleague. For a second, he wished her reassuring presence was still in the kitchen. But right now, he had to focus on making things right with his brother.

‘Hey, bud, the house doesn’t feel the same without Mum, does it?’ He felt the emotion thicken his voice and for the first time he didn’t try and swallow it down. He didn’t try and hide it.

‘See, when she was in the hospice she wasn’t really gone, was she?’

A slight shake of the head from Jasper.

‘We could still go and see her, touch her, speak to her and maybe a part of us could hope that she’d still come back.’

Penn made no effort to stop the tears from falling over his cheeks.

‘We’re gonna miss her, buddy. It’s gonna hurt like hell and I don’t know how we’re gonna get through it,’ he said, dropping his head into his hands. The tears flowed and with them the acknowledgment of his loss, his grief.

He felt Jasper’s trembling body come to rest beside him on the sofa and the heart-breaking sound of his own grief. Penn pulled him close and held him tight.