Page 105 of Dead to Me

He felt his heart thumping as he approached, remembering walking down here a year ago.How they’d wheeled Holly’s lifeless form towards the open gates.

‘James,’ Anna said, ‘there are snakes in the grass.’

‘No snakes,’ he said as soothingly as he could.‘And no grass.It’s just the drugs.Look.We’re on paving slabs.’

They were within clear sight of the four staff members– two security and two ambulance– when Anna turned and said, ‘You can’t take me to Addenbrooke’s.They’ll find me.You have to hide me, James.’

‘It’s all right,’ he said.‘I’ve got a plan.’And he turned and looked at her with a level gaze.‘I just need you to be quiet and go along with it, all right?Just act normal, and I’ll get you out of here.’

Anna’s pupils were huge in the explosions of light fromabove.What the fuck had they given her?Was she going to be able to hold this together?

But she nodded at him, and he smiled.

‘OK.Here we go.’

He wrapped a steadying arm round her and approached the first of the St John’s Ambulance crew.A bubble of hope rose in him as he realised he recognised him.He’d been here the year before.He’d seen Holly.Spoken to James.

He’d remember him, wouldn’t he?People remembered tragedies like that.

‘I… I’m sorry,’ James said, giving him a shaky smile.‘I’m really sorry, I… I don’t know if you remember, but my– my girlfriend drowned last year.While the– the fireworks were on.I thought I could do it, be here and remember her… but I can’t.I need to go.We need to go.Now.’

The sympathy and understanding in the man’s eyes made him feel a little sick.What kind of a person was he?Really?

But he felt nothing but relief as the first-aider went to talk to the security team, who nodded and opened the gate for him.

‘Thank you,’ James said, doing his utmost to hold Aria upright.

They smiled at him as he walked through the gate; all four of them smiled, with the kind of expression he’d got used to over the past year.Sympathetic.Pitying.Ultimately helpless.

And James responded with his own carefully crafted expression of long-suffering pain as he led Aria out into the night.

42.Seaton

Wednesday, 25 June

Seaton was trying to outpace the feeling of sick sadness that was threatening to overwhelm him, but he was failing.He’d been walking the streets of London for a good half-hour, at speed, and yet it was all right there with him.

How was he supposed to outrun this?The possibility that he’d not only lost his daughter but also the one person who’d been there for almost forty years?

Philip isn’t a murderer, he thought, furiously.He hasn’t got a violent bone in his body.And neither has James.

But at that second thought he found himself floundering.Did he reallyknowthat about James?He knew that he was sensitive.That he felt things deeply.That he had loved Holly with a fierce intensity and that he’d been in pieces ever since she’d died.

Could he really have killed her that night?Out of bitter hurt and humiliation?

Seaton imagined James dwelling and dwelling on the necklace.Waiting for Holly to explain it.He imagined that intense love turning into a form of hatred.

And if Jameshaddone it, what might Philip have done to protect him?Could he have helped James kidnap Anna, to find out what she knew?If he’d thought of her as a snoop?

And what if he’d needed to silence her?Would he have done it?

As everything in him was crying out against this thought his phone buzzed with a number he didn’t recognise.Could it be Reid on another phone?He hesitated and then picked up.

‘Seaton Laws,’ he said.

And into his ear came a warm, achingly familiar voice.A voice that in equal parts frustrated him and made him want to hug her as tightly as possible.

‘Hey, Dad,’ Anna said.‘Sorry for the radio silence.’