Page 8 of Dead Serious Halloween Special (Crawshanks Guide to the Recently Departed #6)
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T heo’s truck came to a slow stop. He peered through the windshield at the large, carved wooden sign that read Lambert’s Pumpkin Patch.
“This is the place, is it?” he muttered, his expression a mixture of curiosity and reserve.
“Sure is.” Olivia smiled and unclipped her seat belt. “It’ll be fun, I promise.” She glanced over her shoulder at their twins, currently strapped into car seats in the back seat. Logan seemed to be trying to fit his whole fist in his mouth while his sister, Theia, sucked the ear of her stuffed bunny.
Climbing out of the truck, Olivia stopped and breathed deeply. The ground beneath her boots was covered in hay, and the air was crisp. Splashes of bright orange could be seen among the bales as children dove in with wild abandon, enjoying the piles of loose hay as much as the search for the perfect pumpkin to carve.
The wind tugged at her long dark hair, and she pulled her jacket a little tighter. Her heart gave a slow thud as bittersweet memories flooded her mind. The last time she’d visited this particular pumpkin patch she’d been a child. Her parents had helped her search for the biggest pumpkin she could find, and then they’d had hot cocoa and candied apples.
Theo’s arms slipped around her, drawing her back against his chest. “Are you sure you want to do this?” His deliciously low voice rumbled against her ear as he rested his chin on her shoulder and watched the hive of activity laid out in front of them.
Olivia drew in a breath and gave a small nod. Turning in his embrace, she pushed away the unwelcome thoughts of her past. She wrapped her arms around her husband’s neck and lifted up on her toes to press a soft kiss to his lips before glancing at their son, who was swiping his small spit-slicked palm across the inside of the car window.
She chuckled and shook her head. “It’s Halloween, time to make our own traditions.”
“I still don’t understand this predilection for celebrating Halloween.” Theo frowned.
“That’s because you were born in the seventeenth century, honey,” she reminded him fondly as she turned and opened the door beside her.
Beau, her golden cocker spaniel, leapt out, vibrating with excitement at all the new sounds and scents. His whole body wagged as he danced around her legs and sniffed the ground.
“Good boy.” She patted his head and then leaned into the car to unclip her son’s seat belt. Logan gave her a toothy grin, a trail of drool running from his mouth to his tiny knuckles as he gnawed on them fiercely.
She lifted him into her arms with a sigh of resignation as he buried his spit-covered hands in her hair.
Teething was hell.
As she shut the door, she looked over to find Theo lifting Theia from the car, wincing as he was slapped in the eye with a soggy rabbit ear.
“What do you want to do first?” He shifted Theia in his arms and smiled at her when she kept offering her bunny to him for kisses—which he obliged, much to her delight.
“We’ll let the twins help pick out pumpkins first. Then, if they get tired, they can nap while we have a hot drink.”
Theo glanced around at all the other families juggling small, shrieking children and giant orange squashes. “Are you sure we need them? I don’t think the twins are old enough to notice if we have jack-o’-lanterns.”
“It’s tradition.” Olivia began to walk and Theo whistled for Beau to follow them.
“Are all these people witches?”
“No,” she answered in amusement. “It’s not just a witchy thing. Most people don’t have a clue where the tradition comes from originally, but it’s fun for the kids.”
“It has something to do with spirits, doesn’t it?”He had a vague recollection of hearing it mentioned somewhere before.
Olivia gave a nod as they walked side by side. “Historically, pumpkins weren’t always used. They could be carved from any root vegetable—rutabagas, turnips. In fact, they take their name from the strange phenomenon of flickering light above peat bogs called ‘will-o’-the-wisp’ or ‘jack-o’-lantern.’ It’s also tied to the legend of Stingy Jack, a drunkard doomed to roam the land with nothing but a hollowed-out turnip to light his way. But the tradition of carved pumpkins was brought to the States by Irish immigrants centuries ago and used to ward off evil spirits and keep harmful spirits out of their homes.”
“You do know that your magical wards do a perfectly good job of keeping anything evil out of the house, right?” Theo smiled.
“I know.” She laughed. “But this is fun, you’ll see.”
They strolled among the pumpkins, Beau dancing excitedly at their heels. The air was chilly and filled with the raucous laughter of children as, with cold hands and pink, ruddy cheeks, they darted between hay bales. The clouds sat high in the sky, huge puffs of white cotton candy, and rust-colored leaves danced and tumbled restlessly across the ground.
Olivia sighed in deep contentment. There was nowhere more beautiful this time of year than New England. Bouncing Logan on her hip, she turned toward Theo but paused when she found him staring intently. Following the line of his puzzled gaze, her eyes widened when they landed on a strange sight.
“Are they supposed to be that big?” Theo asked in surprise as he eyed a huge pumpkin that looked to be the height and size of a shopping cart.
Olivia blinked, sure the sight couldn’t be real. Edging closer to get a better look, she realized that not only was it indeed real, but it seemed to be… growing. She blinked again and the strange-looking pumpkin throbbed like a heartbeat, expanding in front of them. They both watched open-mouthed as the giant squash wobbled slightly in its nest of straw.
It was now the size of a small car.
As the assembled crowd watched in a kind of wary fascination, it pulsed noticeably and swelled to the size of a minivan.
And it was still swelling…
The crowd chattered excitedly and pointed. Mr. Lambert, the owner of the pumpkin patch, stood to the side, slack-jawed and eyes wide while he scratched his head in obvious confusion.
Olivia and Theo slowly tilted their heads back, their eyes rolling upward as the gourdsurpassed the size of a small trailer. A rather alarming creaking noise filled the air, followed by Beau barking, and Theo reached out with his free hand and grasped Olivia’s elbow.
“I think we should move,” he said quietly, his voice filled with alarm.
“Uh, I think you’re right.” Olivia clutched Logan tighter as they backed up.
There was another loud, ominous creaking sound. Olivia and Theo spun around, hunching over the twins to protect them. The pumpkin exploded and chunks of orange squash were propelled into the air, filling it with an orange mist and spraying pumpkin guts and seeds that rained down on the stunned onlookers for nearly two minutes straight.
When the last few chunks plopped to the ground in a series of wet thuds, the whole field seemed to shimmer, and it was only then that Olivia realized everything was covered in a fine film of glitter.
There was a long moment of stunned silence as everyone stared at the devastation, strings of pumpkin guts clinging to their hair and hanging from their clothes. Then a loud cheer went up as the assembled crowd roared in delight, followed by a round of applause.
Theo turned slowly to Olivia, a chunk of pumpkin on his shoulder and seeds stuck in his dark hair.
“You have some very strange traditions.”
“That’s not meant to happen.” She frowned as she glanced down at Beau, whose fur now had a coat of glitter and who was shoving his face enthusiastically into a gooey pile of pumpkin guts. Her gaze trailed from her cute and very happy dog to a set of small, sparkly footprints no bigger than a child’s on the ground beside them. The prints led away from the pumpkin patch and toward a huge red barn with white trim.
“Theo,” she whispered, tugging on his sleeve and nodding toward the tracks.
“What the…?” Theo muttered, but Olivia had already started following the glittery trail.
The door to the barn swung open on obviously well-oiled hinges and as Olivia, still holding Logan, stepped cautiously inside, she heard a loud gulping. She tiptoed softly along the straw-strewn floor, ignoring the lowing of an old, caramel-colored cow as she shuffled in her stall.
Stopping sharply, her eyes widened and her mouth fell open. Theo moved up alongside her, shifting his daughter in his arms. Before he could ask what was wrong, he caught sight of what she was staring at. He blinked rapidly, sure he was hallucinating from inhaling too much pumpkin and glitter.
In front of them was what could only be described as a small, fat, hairy man, and he was very decidedly and unapologetically naked. He stood about three feet tall and had a paunchy belly and dark tufts of wiry hair covering his body. What little they could see of his skin beneath the copious amounts of hair was a dark, weather-beaten brown.
The tiny man had yet to notice either of them since his face was concealed by a rather large, dentedmetal pail. Olivia and Theo watched speechless as thick, creamy fresh milk spilled from his chin and down his chest, beading on the matted hair and pooling on the ground around his sausage-like toes. He gulped and drank noisily, smacking his lips and obviously enjoying himself from the sound of his satisfied grunts.
Olivia and Theo glanced at each other in disbelief. Suddenly, Beau bounded into the barn and skidded to a halt beside Olivia, his tail wagging madly and his nose covered with mashed pumpkin.
Catching a new and exciting scent, Beau’s big brown eyes landed on the strange creature, and he started to bark loudly. The startled creature dropped the pail with a loud clang and a slosh of milk. His face, now fully exposed, was that of a pudgy man, with droopy jowls and puffy, beady eyes. His head was almost bald apart from a few wispy tufts poking out of his pointed ears.
His watery eyes widened in panic and he gave a loud squawk of distress, then turned sharply, baring his jiggly naked buttocks. He dove at the wall and disappeared into the seemingly solid surface leaving nothing more than a huge splat of glitter against the wood.
Olivia frowned in confusion as Beau continued to bark incessantly.
“What the hell was that?”