Page 15 of Dax: Gratefully Bonded (Rogue Bonds #2)

Dax

I n contrast to the last time I’d waited for Aiden and Kade in this quiet little courtyard, this time, I was fidgeting impatiently, eager to have answers to some of the more practical difficulties of my newly discovered duties. I leapt up as I heard the back door open, greeting the pair with a smile, though my agitation was showing in the way I was wringing my hands. “Thank you for coming,” I said, wholly relieved that Aiden’s offer of support had been a genuine one.

But instead of asking how he could help, like I expected him to, Aiden said, “You got some new clothes. You look good,” he added, letting his eyes run down to my feet and back up again.

“Oh, thank you,” I said, feeling my scales pulse in embarrassment as I glanced down at myself. I was wearing black jeans and a teal t-shirt that I privately thought nicely complimented my turquoise scales. I’d been hoping that my master might say he liked the colour, but he hadn’t. “My master took me shopping. I wasn’t sure if what I was choosing was appropriate.”

“He wasn’t giving you a whole lot of feedback, hmm?”

I looked away, reluctant to answer the question. Speaking ill of my master, even in such mild terms, was bad behaviour. But thankfully, Aiden seemed to understand my hesitation.

“It’s okay. A lot of human masters have trouble buying clothes for their dimari. It’s one of those odd clashes of culture. Humans expect dimari to know how to choose something appropriate, without realising that no one’s taught them much about Alliance fashion. It’s one of the ongoing sticking points I’m having in teaching people how to look after their dimari.”

That was something of a relief. At least it wasn’t just me who was baffled by the process. That was one less area where I was failing miserably, then.

“So what’s on your mind?” he asked, taking a seat and gesturing for me to sit opposite him.

I decided to jump straight in with both feet. “I need something I can give my master to drink on a regular basis that isn’t going to harm his health. He has a strong habit of reaching for a glass to drink from. But now there is no glass. And then he gets annoyed. I thought maybe fruit juice, but it has a lot of sugar in it to be drinking it all the time. Coffee would keep him awake at night. Water is too boring. So I was hoping you would know of something that would be more suitable for a human.”

“Hmm…” Aiden tapped one finger on his knee as he thought about it. “Herbal tea is probably a good option,” he said after a few moments. “Most of them don’t have any caffeine, they have very few calories, but there’s plenty of flavours to choose from.” He opened his comm, tapping away for a minute or two. “There you go. I’ve ordered a mixed box from Legol Teas. It should arrive this afternoon. Try a few different flavours on him and see which one he likes. And a word of advice? If he asks you why you’re offering him tea all the time, be honest. Say you’ve noticed that he keeps reaching for a glass, and you’re trying to find something appealing to replace the alcohol with.”

I slumped a little. “He told you he got angry with me this morning?”

“Yeah, he did. But more than half of that is my fault,” he added, before I could start scolding myself again. “Finding a way to get him to let you look after him is going to be difficult. And if one method doesn’t work, then we have to try something else. I want this to work, Dax,” he said earnestly. “For both your sakes.”

“Thank you,” I said, genuinely grateful for his help. After all, without his intervention, my master would still be drowning himself in a bottle, and I would be sitting in the dark, wondering what I had done that was so wrong.

“There is one other thing Zeke has asked us to do,” Aiden went on. “One of the other regular problems I run into is that your trainers didn’t teach you much about cooking human food. Kade’s going to come over every other day for the next two weeks to teach you how to cook for Zeke.”

“Oh. Thank you!” I said, suddenly unable to hold back a smile. Kade smiled back, seeming equally pleased with the arrangement. “That would be wonderful.”

“I’ll send you some recipes with notes attached, so you can see how they differ from Rentral or Basuba cooking. Some of the dishes are fairly similar, but humans tend to be quite particular about how long their food is cooked for. I’ll give you a few tips for what to cook tonight, then I’ll come back in two days to go through a few things in more detail.”

My comm beeped a moment later, and I quickly checked the message, surprised and delighted to see five or six full pages of notes. Anything I could learn that would make my master happier was fantastic!

Aiden spent the next few minutes detailing the medical appointments that my master had scheduled for the next week, and then I spent half an hour in the kitchen with Kade, learning how to cook pasta and chicken and going through a list of which vegetables could be eaten raw, as compared to the ones that needed cooking. By the time Aiden called to Kade to tell him it was time to leave, I was feeling a lot more confident. “Thank you for coming,” I said to them both, as they prepared to leave.

“Call me anytime you need advice,” Aiden said. “You too,” he added, looking at my master. Kade shot me a smile and a nod, then they were both gone. I closed the door, intending to return to my cleaning tasks. Thanks to Kade’s help, dinner was more or less prepared, and all I would have to do later was heat it up.

But before I could even turn around, I felt my master’s hand land gently on my shoulder. I froze, the warmth of his skin seeping rapidly into my scales. “I noticed the bathroom’s looking a lot cleaner,” he said, as I turned halfway towards him. “That’s a really good job there. Thank you.” The hand on my shoulder squeezed gently. Then, just as quickly, it was gone, my master heading quickly down the hall towards his bedroom. But I stood there, stunned, my heart pounding fiercely as I fought to keep from whimpering in delight. I had pleased my master! For the first time in an entire year, I had done something right!

And he had touched me. Okay, so a hand on the shoulder was a long way from the decadent tumbles in bed that my trainers had taught me to expect from a pleased master, but it was the first time since we’d stepped off that damaged ship and onto the Delaville Space Station that my master had touched me in any way at all.

There was hope yet that I could fix this. I could learn. I could improve. And perhaps, a fanciful part of my brain rambled, I could make him love me as fervently as I loved him.

I marched into the kitchen, determined to scrub the cupboards from top to bottom. My master was finally allowing me to serve him. And I was not going to waste the opportunity.

???

It happened again, as we were finishing eating dinner. I’d heated up the pasta and chicken, and made a salad to go with it. But as we were both eating the last few mouthfuls on our plates, my master looked up at me. “I really appreciate you putting in the effort to cook,” he said, his eyes meeting mine. And I realised in that moment how rarely he’d looked straight at me over the last year. His eyes were a deep brown that shimmered in the warm light of the corner lamp. His hair was shaggy, hanging over his forehead, and I’d noticed it growing longer over the last month or two.

“It actually makes me regret not teaching you to cook earlier. I think you’re going to be really good at this.”

I could feel my scales fluttering across my collarbone, and I couldn’t help but wriggle in my seat. The feelings caused by my master’s praise were heady and unfamiliar, and I didn’t know what to do with the sudden rush of nervous energy.

A faint snort from my master caught my attention, and I glanced up again. He was watching me with a poorly repressed look of amusement. “Sorry,” he said, though I didn’t know what he was apologising for. “Aiden said you would… fidget, if I said that to you. I hadn’t realised he meant it literally.”

He didn’t seem to be expecting a reply, so I said nothing, finishing my meal while being acutely aware of the smile on my face.

Ten minutes later, I was up to my elbows in dishwater when I heard my master come into the kitchen. Unlike the other night, this time, I was far less apprehensive about him telling me to stop cleaning up. In the last few days, he’d become so much more willing to allow me to complete my duties.

But I was startled when he stepped up beside me and put a hand on my arm. I froze, uncertain as to what he was about to ask of me, but desperately wanting him to ask for more.

“Come and sit down with me once you’ve finished here,” he said, his hand burning gentle heat into my bicep. “We can watch a show together.”

“Yes, sir,” I said, finding that I liked this new routine we were starting to have. There was still not much in the way of conversation, but I could be patient about that, given how many other things were moving in the right direction.

Ten minutes later, I padded into the living room, finding my master sitting at one end of the sofa, an image frozen on the wall screen while he waited for me to arrive. I smiled at him and carefully set the cup of herbal tea I’d prepared on the coffee table in front of him. He gave me a quizzical look.

“It’s peppermint tea,” I said, trying to hide my nervousness. I had a terrible habit of wringing my hands when I was anxious. “I noticed you have a habit of reaching for a glass beside you. I thought this might be a suitable way to distract yourself. If you don’t like the flavour, there are some others you could try instead.”

I waited for him to reply. He seemed to think it over for a long moment, then nodded and moved the cup to the side table next to him. “So that’s what the package was that arrived this afternoon?”

I nodded. “Aiden helped me find something suitable.”

I took a tentative seat on the other end of the sofa. He hadn’t retracted his invitation to watch a show together, but at the same time, he didn’t seem particularly happy at the moment. He lifted his comm to begin the show… but then hesitated. He glanced at me, then back at the screen, then back at me, and I braced myself for an abrupt rejection. “Come over here,” he said, the faintest tremor in his voice. “Sit closer.”

I felt an expression of surprise settle on my face before I could remember to censor it. It was not good behaviour to be surprised about my master’s orders, no matter how unusual they were. My only duty was to obey. I slid closer. Then wriggled a little closer still, as he continued watching me expectantly.

“All the way over here,” he said finally, beckoning to me, so I went… and oh, by the stars, he was putting his arm around me! “Make yourself comfortable,” he said, tucking me in against his side. Oh, heavens, this felt good. He was so warm, all up my side, and he smelled wonderful – an enticing mix of laundry detergent, deodorant and male musk. I would never, ever have complained about my master’s scent, but he smelled so much better now that he’d started showering regularly.

I leaned my head on his shoulder, delighted by the fact that he was noticeably bigger than me. Even after a year without going to a gym, he still had sizable muscles. And even sitting down, he was noticeably taller than me. Making myself comfortable, I settled in to watch whatever show he had chosen.

As it turned out, it was a comedy series about a bumbling romantic relationship between a Denzogal and a Derelian. The Denzogals were the largest species in the Alliance, while the Derelians were the smallest, and it seemed that the basic premise of the show was to make as many jokes as possible about the size difference between the two characters.

At first, I wondered if I was just missing the nuances of the jokes, since I didn’t properly understand the local culture. But as time went on, I decided that, judging by the lack of response from my master, none of the jokes were particularly funny.

An hour later, my master’s mug was empty and the show had ended. My master switched off the wall screen. “Well, that was disappointing,” he said, and for a moment, I panicked. Had I done something wrong? Was he disappointed in me ? But his arm tightened around my shoulder for a moment, and then he went back to stroking my hair, as he’d been doing for the last twenty minutes or so. “That show’s been advertised nonstop for the last month. Everyone was talking about how great it was supposed to be. I think there was one good joke in there, and that one wasn’t even about the main character.” He glanced down at me. “What did you think?”

I felt a momentary apprehension, as I remembered that I was supposed to be a domestic companion. I was supposed to be able to have interesting conversations about everyday events. “I didn’t think it was very funny,” I said, then fumbled for something to follow up the banal statement. “It wasn’t unnecessarily cruel about the jokes, but everything just seemed a bit too obvious.”

“Yeah, not exactly high-brow content.” He leaned his head against the back of the sofa and sighed. “I suppose it’s time to go to bed, then.”

It was half past nine, which was a lot earlier than he’d typically gone to bed while he’d been drinking. But I wasn’t going to complain. It was probably healthier for him to be getting into a regular routine, rather than just falling asleep whenever he happened to pass out. He unwound his arm from around my shoulder, and I sat up, waiting for him to stand so that I could straighten the cushions and then turn the lights off.

But he didn’t move. And the expression on his face was one of pinched anxiety, rather than tired contentedness.

Daringly, I put my hand on his knee. As little as an hour ago, I wouldn’t have had the courage. But spending that time cuddled up beside him had somehow reset the status quo between us. “Do you not want to go to bed?” I asked, not sure what his hesitation was about. I knew he had nightmares, but was that the only reason he didn’t want to sleep?

For a long moment, he didn’t answer. His hand drifted across his lap to settle over my hand, his fingers stroking my scales lightly. “No,” he said eventually, his voice barely a whisper. “It’s… When it gets dark, and I wake up and I can’t see, I think I’m… back there.”

He’d never spoken to me of the terrors he’d faced before I’d met him. I’d gleaned a cursory amount of information from the doctors and nurses at the space station, and heard a few more details by inadvertent eavesdropping on his psychology sessions, but I knew there were plenty more details that I didn’t know about.

I scoured my brain for something useful to say. The information Aiden had given me about PTSD had been helpful, but figuring out exactly how to help the unique person in front of me was more challenging. “Would it help if we left a light on? The hallway light? Or even the living room one, so it’s not as bright in your bedroom?”

My master scowled and pulled his hand away from me. “I’m not some fucking toddler who’s afraid of the dark.”

Two days ago, I would have cringed and retreated at his angry tone. But as a well-trained dimari, I was rapidly learning more about his moods, and the subtle causes of them. “No, you’re not afraid of the dark,” I said, keeping my body language open and my tone serious. “You’re afraid of very real monsters who once lived there. And there’s no shame in that.”

I saw my master’s jaw tighten, but he didn’t snap at me for coddling him. “There aren’t any monsters here,” he said, his tone annoyed.

Sooner or later, I was going to say the wrong thing and break this fragile peace we seemed to have arrived at. “But in the moments between sleeping and waking, it can be hard to remember that.” I thought about how to proceed, and then decided to keep going. A year of hiding in the background had gotten me nowhere, so I was inclined to try something different now. “I used to have nightmares as a child,” I told him. “Nothing like as severe as yours,” I added, in a placatory way, “but they were unpleasant. And it was the ten or fifteen seconds after waking up that were always the worst.”

Predictably, that was a detail that finally got him riled up. “This is no children’s bad dream,” he snapped at me, though his anger was only half-hearted. “You don’t have a fucking clue what I went through out there.” It was a refrain he’d said to multiple people over the past year.

“No, I don’t,” I agreed easily, and with total sincerity. “I can’t imagine what it was like. But I’d still like to help you sleep better.”

My complete lack of any willingness to fight with him seemed to disarm him, and he sat back from where he’d suddenly straightened, running a hand over his face. “I’m sorry for shouting at you the other night,” he said, still not moving from the sofa. “I really do appreciate you waking me up. And I’d like you to do that again, if you hear me having another nightmare.”

“Yes, sir,” I said, relieved and confused all at the same time. I’d done the right thing, but he’d still been angry with me for it? My master was a confusing man.

He sighed again. “Leave the kitchen light on. It’s far enough away that it shouldn’t disturb you too much.”

I opened my mouth to tell him that I would not be disturbed… and then closed it again. This was something else I was rapidly learning about human culture. My master, for reasons that eluded me, considered it important to make occasional gestures designed to make my life more convenient. The idea was absurd – a dimari existed to facilitate their master’s convenience. But at the same time, my master tended to get annoyed if these gestures of intended kindness were not well received. So, instead of dismissing his intentions, I said, “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

Finally, he stood up, and I stood with him, straightening the cushions and turning off the living room light as I trailed him down the hallway. We brushed our teeth – it was becoming a tentative habit to do so together – and then, as was also becoming his habit, he stopped in his bedroom doorway.

“Thank you for sitting with me tonight,” he said, and even though it had been an order for me to do so, I couldn’t help but smile at his open appreciation. And then he… Oh, stars, he pulled me towards him and enveloped me in a quick but firm hug. And standing up, I was once again reminded that he was both taller than me, and broader at the shoulders. But I barely had time to appreciate the warmth and firmness of his body against mine before he was letting me go, retreating into his bedroom.

And once again, I felt a shaft of disappointment, even as I revelled in the progress we’d made today. One day, maybe, I fantasised, he might invite me to join him in his bedroom.

I sighed and headed into my own room. But that would not be tonight.