Page 61 of Darkwater Lane
She still trusts. It’s a liability, but I can’t bring myself to quash that part of her.
I just have to figure out how to teach her to balance that optimism with reality without becoming too jaded.
“It’s a small community,” I tell her. “It wasn’t going to be long before they learned we were back. I was just hoping they wouldn’t still be carrying such a grudge. Or that they might at least give us a little bit of time before trying to scare us off again.”
“I’ll talk to Jasper,” Kez says.
“Don’t bother,” I tell her, waving my hand. “It’s not going to change anything. They never listened to law enforcement before, why would they start now?”
Kez shakes her head. “The Belldenes swatted you, Gwen. They called in a false report, knowing it would lead to the authorities sending armed men to break down your door. You could have been killed. Your kids could have been shot.”
She’s right. I shiver at how easily tonight could have turned even uglier. The reality is the Belldenes are the violent sort, but they’ve never crossed the line into actual mortal danger. Not with my kids, at least.
Until now.
“We’ll figure out a way to deal with them,” I tell her.
“Anything I can do to help—legally—you let me know.” Kez gestures to her car parked down at the bottom of the driveway. “Fornow, let me drive you to the station. I can see if I can get Sam’s paperwork expedited.”
“You’re nearly nine months pregnant, Kez. Go home. I can take care of Sam. This isn’t our first rodeo with the police.”
“How about I drop by Easy’s and pick Connor up? He and Lanny can stay in the barn. It will be safer at our place, at least until you get your front door fixed.”
I glance at the house and wince. The front door is nothing but shards of splintered wood, scraps of it still clinging to warped hinges.
“I want to go with you, Mom,” Lanny protests.
I slip an arm across her shoulders and pull her against me. “I need you with Connor,” I tell her. “I’m worried about how tonight might have impacted him.” I don’t have to say more. She nods.
“And, Lanny?” I add. “You did good tonight.”
She shakes her head. “No, I didn’t. I was terrified.”
“Of course you were. So was I. Armed men broke into our house in the middle of the night.”
“So? I should have run like Connor did. That’s what we drilled. But I wasn’t fast enough to get to the window. It was stupid to hide in the closet.” She sounds angry at herself, and it breaks my heart. What is this life doing to my kids?
I take her hand and squeeze. “You kept yourself safe, that’s what matters. You didn’t panic.”
She looks like she wants to argue but ends up mumbling, “Whatever,” and then turns and starts down the driveway to Kez’s car. I want to run after her, grab her, and pull her into a hug. I want to stop the world from turning and forcing my daughter to grow up so fast.
But I can’t. Every second that ticks by brings her closer and closer to independence. To that moment when I won’t be there to shield her against the threats that stalk us.
Like I wasn’t there tonight, I remind myself. I’d been impotent.Thrown on the floor and pinned down and utterly unable to do anything to help her.
I’d failed.
All this time, I’ve seen myself as their protector. I’ve believed that, so long as I’m there, I can keep them safe.
It’s a lie.
And that’s the real reason I need to start trusting my kids and giving them space: not for the day when I’m no longer around, but for times like tonight, when I’m here and it doesn’t matter. When they’re on their own regardless of my presence.
As if sensing my internal struggle, Kez places her hand on my arm. “It’s okay, Gwen.”
I’m still trembling, the aftereffects of shock making their way through me. “I could have lost them all tonight,” I tell her, my throat aching.
“But you didn’t,” she reminds me.
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