Page 106 of Dare You to See Me

“D.D. I don’t feel very–”

And then it happened. A shit storm rained down on us. Well, it was more like a neon gummy worm storm in the form of vomit, but the term shit storm is universally understood.

Calix folds in half and spews green and red and blue all over the pavement. It splashes, catching all of us in some way. My legs, D’s shoes, Soleil’s hands when she put them up to protect her face, and Dahlia’s pants. A silence falls over us that is so tense that not even the birds dare to chirp.

My son has tears in his eyes and the rest of us stand there with our mouths agape. Suddenly, the sound of more gagging breaks the quiet. Danté slaps a hand over his mouth and nose, trying to block the smell.

“Dude, I’m gonna puke.” He begins taking one step after the other back.

“Oh my sugar. Are you okay?” Soleil kneels and immediately regrets it when she lands in the goo.

My phone begins ringing and I pull it from my pocket, needing a distraction from the cluster fuck in front of us.

I swipe the phone and put it on speaker phone.

“Yo Mal. Just a heads up. Cal got sick at our house so they’re not going to the movies. Sunny said she was going to get some medicine before heading home, so you might want to put a stop to the riding lesson with Dahlia.”

“Henny. Now is not a good time,” I call out, all eyes now on me.

“Um. Uncle Hendrix.”

“Hey Dahlia. Sorry the riding lesson isn’t going to happen tod–”

“You’re on speaker phone,” Dahlia informs him. “And Mom is home…and can hear you.”

The line goes dead and we all start looking from one person to the other. It’s like a standoff and no one knows what’s going to happen next. Soleil stands up and calmly walks away, disappearing around the side of the garage.

I look at Dahlia and she shrugs. Calix wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and color rushes back to his cheeks.

“I feel a lot better now,” he tells us.

Dahlia snorts then busts out, full on laughing. I look at her like she’s a mad woman who has lost her ever-loving mind.

I’m in the middle of trying to figure out what I do next when a gush of freezing water hits my back. I spin around and see Soleil with a hose pointing right at us.

I cover my face before I choke, and the hose moves to Dahlia whose laughing stops real quick. Danté is not able to escape and gets drenched. Even Calix, her sweet little boy, falls victim to her water attack.

When the shock wears off, I bolt to hide behind Danté’s car and Dahlia tears off in the opposite direction. The hose turns towards the car and D groans.

“Not my car, Sunny.” She laughs and directs it at him instead.

“Got a few chunks on ya, Danté. Let me help you with that.” She sprays him from head to toe, water dripping from the tip of his black hair to the toe of his black boots.

Suddenly Dahlia appears and she fires off a Nerf gun, popping Soleil in the butt. She yelps and is momentarily distracted. Danté makes a move and snatches the hose and repays the favor, spraying her in the face.

Calix starts laughing and runs to hide with me.

“No way, homie. You caused all of this.” I grab him by the shoulders and use him as a human shield as I walk towards the house.

D sprays him and Dahlia is somehow able to get behind me. I hear theclick clickof the Nerf gun, then feel the bite of a foam bullet. I spin and now Calix faces Dahlia.

“You monster,” she gasps. “Using a sick child as a shield. Here Cal.”

She pulls a small Nerf gun from her back pocket and tosses at Calix. He catches it and I quickly, but carefully, drop him to his feet. That’s when a firestorm of bullets rains down on me.

I try to run but slip in the slick water-vomit mixture and fall flat on my ass. Soleil sees me and forgets she’s mad, and rushes over to see if I’m okay. She promptly slips too, joining me on the ground.

The water is still spraying, the kids are now aiming at their uncle, and my Sunny Girl and I are laughing. Never a dull day in the Dare household.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.