Page 63 of Dangerous Encore

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Bella

Joel is sittingon the couch in his boxers, watching some police procedural. I don't recognize any of the detectives orlawyers.

He pats his lap. "I want to make you comeagain."

"I think I'm going to hitthesack."

"It'searly."

"I'mtired."

"You need to see a doctor, angel. You look fuckingawful."

"Hey." I smooth my blouse. "I put effort into thisoutfit."

"Your tits look amazing. But you looktired.Sick."

I nod. "I will. Tuesday." I motion to the bedroom. "Come to bed with me." I want his arms around me. I want to collapse and soak up his strength and forget about everything else in the world. "It was a long day. That asshole Winters keeps getting petty over stupid shit. I've had to kiss a lotofass."

Joel nods, but his grey-green eyes stay heavy withconcern.

I motion to the bedroom. "I'm going to brush myteeth."

"I'm going to think about makingyoucome."

My lips curl into a smile. "Goodtoknow."

"Thought you'dappreciateit."

I do. I really do appreciate everything I havewithJoel.

We're just…happy.

I've never had that before. I've never been satisfied with my life. I've never felt like I was where I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm supposedtodo.

I let my mind wander as I brush my teeth and washmyface.

Kids were part of my old life plan—the one curated by myparents.

Butnow…

It would change everything. Maybe for the better. Maybe for theworse.

I slip into the bedroom and collapse onto the mattress. I really am tired. And nauseous. And now my head is full of all sorts of ideas of whatcomesnext.

It's not an easy question—what the hell do I want outoflife?

I'm still not great at taking care of myself. But if I haveakid?

I don't know if I candoit.

If I even want todoit.

Joel would be a good dad. But would I be a good mom? I can see myself reading to a baby, playing peekaboo with her, fussing over her adorable tinyshoes.

But I'm not sure it's whatIwant.