Page 16 of Curvy Alpha Bride (Wolfshade Brides-for-Hire #4)

I leave the living room and go down the hall towards my father’s study, my heart full of feelings I don’t know how to express.

It feels like the words are crowding into my throat, desperate to spill from my lips, but I have the horrible feeling that no matter what I say, it isn’t going to change the way Mabel feels about me.

I’ve never felt so confused in my whole entire life—even the day I found out my mom wasn’t my mom.

When I get to Dad’s study, I sit down at the little desk and put my head in my hands. I know that what went on out there was a moment of weakness for both of us, and it doesn’t mean that Mabel has forgiven me. But what it does mean is that we are consummated, bound, mated for life.

And it was even witnessed by the elders. Talk about timing.

A nervous energy races through me, driving me to get up, go back into the living room, and try to explain myself. Even if the words don’t come out right, I want to try. Unburdening myself feels like the most important thing in the world, and it seems better than leaving her out there alone.

But I can’t unburden myself for my own sake, putting my pain on her so I don’t have to carry it anymore. It has to be her choice to hear me.

Seeing her shut down after we made love, then run to the door and demand to be let out, broke me in ways I never thought possible. She obviously still hates me, and I deserve it.

Now we’re stuck together for life, and for all I know, we will be confined to this cabin every last day until we die! Surely, they can’t keep us here forever?

A cold knot of panic twists my guts as I realize they might do just that. I don’t have enough evidence to say if they’re protecting us or preparing us for slaughter, but either way, I can’t possibly fight them all.

Would Mom—Aunt Finnah—really let them kill me? It didn’t seem like they wanted me to get hurt, but she looked pretty brutal when the others jumped me.

Sighing, I shake my head and reach for Dad’s journals. I’ve looked at them a few times since I moved in, but I couldn’t make sense of them. The text scrawls wildly from page to page, and Dad had extremely elaborate handwriting that only got worse when he was writing fast.

At first, the pages look as nonsensical as ever, but as I slowly flip through, I notice dates printed lengthwise in the margins. They aren’t consecutive, as if he were writing randomly in each book on different days.

Way to go, Dad. How is anyone ever supposed to understand this?

Then I see a line that stops me cold.

Xavier, my son, oh, my boy. Please be safe out there. I write this note with an empty chest, my heart torn out. Nothing but ice and a deep, ragged wound are left where my heart should be.

My darling love Triss is gone, torn from my arms by the malicious force that traps us in this valley. I let you go, my love. I could not hold on, and now the entire Range is in danger.

I send my son from this place in the arms of my sister Finnah, and every last scrap of magic we have goes with her in an attempt at safe passage. Be strong, dear sister, and bring my son to safety… I cannot go, because if I am caught as well, the evil will be truly unstoppable.

Our only hope is to lock down the town and pray. Live, Xavier. Live on beyond this cursed valley and doomed town. I wish we could meet again, but I would never endanger you so.

Goodbye to all the love in my heart, and the last of my hope.

I check the date, printed in tiny script horizontally in the margin. It’s only a few days after my birthday, and I start madly flipping through the leather-bound books, looking for the nearest date. I finally find it randomly in another book.

It is after me, I feel it. Its power is so strong now.

Her presence hangs over the town, fully malignant.

I can feel the poison working on me, and hear the cruel laughter echoing through the valley.

Every last man, woman, and child is locked inside their houses, hunkered down in the basements behind walls of stone and steel.

Only I am above ground, but I know I’m safe within the cabin.

It calls me, a siren song, begging me to go to it. Sometimes it uses Triss’s voice, and I beat on the door, desperate to answer the call, but knowing it would not just mean my death… but every wolf in the Range.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” I mutter, trying to absorb the magnitude of what I’m reading. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this is all true. I can sense the same dread in these pages that lurked in my nightmares.

But it didn’t start until Mabel arrived and became my luna.

Flipping wildly through the pages, I finally begin to understand a pattern.

It looks like my father had separate books for recording his observations of weather, plant, and animal life, as well as the set of the stars and phases of the moon.

His personal entries are scattered throughout all the books, as if his mind crashed chaotically around with his thoughts and feelings.

I sift through the books a bit more, finally starting to get a feel for how to find the next date.

STARVE, BEAST, STARVE! Why won’t you retreat? Was my luna such a meal that you are now sustained for so long? You cannot breach the valley, I know that much. For you to free yourself, you need me, my power as alpha. And you shall not have it!

A shudder runs through me as I realize my father was going mad. I can’t blame him after being isolated up here, exposed to the ancient evil, whatever it may be. But it is still horrifying to witness his descent into insanity.

Ah, for the old days, he wrote a few years into his solitary confinement.

Remember when the beast was held back, weakened by hundreds of years of our rules?

We had a little trade if we were careful not to cross the Eyrie.

What a shame it was to kill that poor pregnant woman’s mate in the challenge…

but I could not put anyone else in danger. I did what I had to do.

I realize now he’s referring to Damon’s father, and a new chill runs through me. Sweat breaks out on my brow, and I feel shaky and sick.

If another alpha had taken over, the thing might have gotten out. He had no choice.

Now my need for information is taking on a new urgency. It seems the old rules kept the town safe enough to function, even if the evil always lurked beyond the forest.

I have to know what changed. How did this thing get my mother?

Fingers shaking, I find the next entry.

Years pass, and my grief does not fade. Every day, I remember my Triss, her golden, bright hair and dark blue eyes. How does my son grow? Does he take after her or me? My black hair is streaked with white now. I am an old man before my time.

“I have your hair, Dad,” I whisper, touching the page gently as if my words could reach him somehow. “But I have Mom’s eyes.”

I feel less pressure in the air today, but I am afraid to leave the cabin.

The last few nights, I have heard a terrible wailing, and I know it is starving.

The town may be safe now, as the presence retreats towards the mountain.

My supplies are almost out, and if the cabin were not so well-insulated, I would have frozen to death years ago with no wood for a fire.

Die, you foul thing, and release me—or starve until you are too weak to threaten us!

Even though my curiosity has grown, I feel reluctant to keep reading. The tale is so frightening and devoid of hope, it would be difficult to read under any circumstances. But I scan these pages, knowing that my father is dead.

He lost his life to it. Whether it killed him or he died naturally, as they said, it stole his life. He was trapped here.

My father’s entries get shorter as I flick through the books, looking for the next date. His notes betray how erratic he’s becoming, sometimes writing more than once a day, then not writing for weeks.

I know its name. I’ve known it since the moment it tore Triss from my arms. I will not speak it.

I will not grace it with acknowledgment!

It is a beast, a thing. It does not live as we live, no matter what sweet songs it whispers to me.

I have had to cover the windows so I can see its eyes, see its hand beckoning, oh, so desperate now, starving, starving to death, as I shall be soon. I swear I will take you with me!

After that, no dates match up. I start to panic, hoping that wasn’t the last entry.

I need more information! Dad, please! It’s back, and it will destroy us! Surely you left me some clue—

Then I find it, a date that ends with just last year. Twenty years of entries, twenty years of indescribable pain.

Peace… come at last? The villagers came, and they tried to break down the door.

With the last of my strength, I opened it for them.

They never gave up on me, none of them, but especially my loyal friends Eileen, Rhiannon, Ninette, Hector, Ivan…

and my dear sister Serra. She has heard nothing of Finnah or Xavier, and for that, I am glad.

He must be safe. We are all safe… the thing is gone, starved, beaten.

If not, surely it would attack. I hear that sentries in the hills are moving away, and perhaps we can take help from the Eyrie, now that we no longer have to protect them from the beast.

Never before have we starved her for so long. I can’t remember the last time I felt her in my dreams. If she had any strength left, then she would come for me now, I am sure of it. I give my life for this—but I am taking her with me.

I let my friends tend me now as I prepare to leave this world. I pray I see my Triss on the other side, and that we leave the valley in safety for good.

I put the book down slowly, aware that there is more to read, but unable to mentally or emotionally process any more. A lot of my father’s observations will be useful—detailing how plants and animals react to this beast—but his personal notes have cut my chest wide open.

Did he intend for me to read it? Did he think anyone would? Maybe he wrote it for himself and never thought of an audience.

I feel a trickle on my face and realize a tear is trailing down my cheek. I still have so many questions, but I know even if I could find them in the books, my heart simply couldn’t cope.

I hear a step in the hall. Mabel is coming. There are no windows in the study, but I assume it is fully dark outside by now.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we cannot leave the cabin, and the elders are protecting us. Furthermore, they’re putting themselves at risk by standing guard over us.

I wipe the tears off my cheeks, feeling a rising frustration. I came in here to try to make sense of the situation, and I still don’t have any clear answers or a way out.

What the fuck am I going to tell Mabel?