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Chapter 14

Morgana

T raining me might be one thing. But when I hear how Leon plans to do it, I’m out before he’s finished talking.

“No, absolutely not.” I turn my back on him, as if I can block out his proposal. “There’s no way.”

“When did you get the impression I was offering you a choice?” he asks. I’m not sure whether to feel threatened. Somewhere in the last few days, we’ve both accepted he won’t be killing me anytime soon, but aside from that, I don’t know where he draws the line. I don’t know if he has lines.

I glance at Alastor, but he’s committed to ignoring us, studying a piece of bread so intently, I’m surprised it hasn’t burst into flames.

“You’re crazy if you think I’m just going to lie down and…” I search for the right phrase. “Let you do that to me.”

Sleep. He wants me to go to sleep right here in front of him, then allow him into my mind so he can train me in my dreams.

“If you can’t reach your magic naturally, it means something in your mind is blocking you from it.” He shrugs. “This is the safest way to remove that block.”

“And since when were you so concerned for my safety?”

I know what he’s going to say as soon as I finish snapping at him.

“Hmm, how about from the moment I rescued you from an assassin in the palace? Or when I eliminated the band of strange men who were hunting you down in the woods? Or when I guarded you through a fever that nearly killed you?”

“Self-interest,” I throw back. “Keeping me alive all those times benefited you.”

“Of course,” he says, as if it’s obvious he’d never help someone out of the nonexistent goodness of his ice-cold heart. “But it just so happens that it was all in your interest too. This situation is the same. It’ll be hard for us to secretly cart you across the country if you keep accidentally leaving great, burning beacons to draw attention our way.”

I say nothing. He might possibly have a point, but putting myself at his mercy like that…No. I can’t.

He holds me in place with his eyes. “Or do you want to go on lumbering through life, with no idea how to use your power, having it explode out of you at the worst possible time? I can see how that would go, can’t you?” He taps his chin and talks like he’s considering the weather. “I don’t know exactly how they do it here in Trova. Do they execute solari with hanging? With a quick beheading? Or perhaps they go for something more…involved. Burning, maybe? Drowning?”

I flinch. The truth is, I don’t know how they execute solari. It’s possible no one knows except the priests. All I’ve ever heard is that solari are taken away and never seen again. But the image of me on a dais beside a sword-wielding Nunias flashes into my mind.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Leon continues. I see a flicker of frustration on his features. “Don’t you want to get stronger?”

I let out a short, surprised laugh. He has no idea the hours I’ve spent on my knees, praying to all the gods to make me stronger, knowing that if I wasn’t so weak, so helpless, everything would change.

And I can’t deny I’m hungry to have one change in my life that I chose .

“Alright, fine,” I say, walking up to him. I don’t think I’ve willingly put myself this close to the Nightmare Prince since the day we met. I’ve always been tall, but of course he’s taller, and he looks down at me now, his dark hair brushing the sides of his face as he smirks in a way that sends a prickle down my spine.

“Smart decision,” he says.

It occurs to me that I could no more keep him out of my mind than I could keep the sun from rising. Unless I stayed awake forever, sooner or later, he would find his way into my dreams. I also know that he didn’t have to ask. But he did anyway. That’s…surprising. And it makes me feel the tiniest bit better about this idea.

Just a tiny bit, though. Because I already know this is going to be extremely awful.

This is keeping you alive.

That’s what I told myself every time I had to swallow down my potion. Even though I don’t need it anymore, the message apparently still holds true. If I’m going to go find Will, if I’m going to have even a chance at a normal life, I need to do this.

“Let’s get this over with,” I say, glancing away from Leon so I don’t get lost in his gaze. “What do I do?”

“If you need me to teach you how to fall asleep, princess, then we’ve got bigger problems than I thought.”

I scowl at him but don’t waste time arguing further. Instead, I take off my cloak, laying it down on the forest floor. Then I sit down on top of it, feeling a touch ridiculous.

It doesn’t help when Alastor clears his throat.

“Well, this is awkward,” he announces. “I think I’ll just go hang out with the horses for a bit.”

Leon rolls his eyes as his friend retreats between the trees to where the horses are tied up.

Slowly, I stretch out my legs and lower myself down until I’m horizontal. Reluctantly, I close my eyes.

I know right away this isn’t going to work.

I’m excruciatingly conscious of my face, my body, every tiny twitch and movement. I’m also intensely aware of Leon’s eyes on me. Even if I can’t see him, I can feel his gaze, like the sun’s glare on my face, making me hot and uncomfortable.

I sit up.

“I can’t do it. Not while you’re just standing there watching me.”

He sighs like I’m being unnecessarily difficult, then looks off into the trees. “I’ll get something to help.”

He disappears into the forest and reappears minutes later with a plant in his hand.

“Here. Chew on the leaves—they will make you drowsy.”

I hesitate, still wary. I don’t see how it would help Leon to poison me, but I can’t help being suspicious. Rather than being bothered by my hesitation, I see a smug smile stretch across his face.

“Or maybe you’re worried you’ll start having… interesting dreams about me again,” he says.

Anxiety morphs into aggravation. Of course he couldn’t resist the opening to embarrass me. He’s so irritating.

“Give me that,” I say, snatching the plant from his hand and shoving the leaves into my mouth. I chew, grimacing a little at the bitter taste, and wait for the drowsiness to hit. At first, I feel nothing.

“Just wait,” he says.

He’s right. Within minutes, my head starts to feel heavy, the world around me getting fuzzy at the corners. This is much easier , I think as the cushion of my cloak beckons me. I no longer focus on Leon watching me, or how he crouches beside me as I lie down. I let sleep take me, only having time to wonder vaguely what will happen next before I drift off.

When I open my eyes, the calm of the forest surrounds me. A jay calls in one of the trees, another answering, and the breeze brushes through the leaves, creating a chorus of rustling.

“I thought it was supposed to make me sleep?” I say, confused.

“It did.”

Leon is standing in front of me, but I’m standing too, I realize. There’s no sign of my cloak on the ground, or Alastor and the horses. Instead of a dress, I’m wearing what looks like soldiers’ clothes: tight-fitting pants and a long-sleeved tunic.

“It’s easier to direct the mind before it forms its own dreams. I brought you here,” he says.

“You mean we’re in my head right now?” I ask.

“Yes, though I’m feeding you some of the images.”

He looks different here. More relaxed. In the waking world, he’s always primed, ready to spring into action. He’s watchful and vigilant, like a good soldier should be, I suppose. Yet here that readiness is gone, replaced by an easiness, like he has full certainty that every rock and leaf is his to command.

This might be my mind, but it’s his domain. In the land of dreams, he’s not just a prince or even a king; he’s more like a god, able to bend and twist the world precisely as he pleases.

“Where do we start then?” I ask. “Do we have to find my power in here somewhere?”

“Something like that.”

“And how do we locate it?” I ask.

“In the past, your magic has shown up to defend you,” he says. I shift as I start to guess what might be coming. He proves me right with his next words. “We have to put your mind on the defensive,” he says—and charges at me.

I only have a second to move before his arm catches me across the chest. It knocks me clean off my feet, and I smack my head against the forest floor as I go down.

Pain blossoms in my skull, and I try to suck in a wheezing breath. Even though I know this is a dream, every sensation feels sharp as a knife.

“Fuck!” I shout when I’m finally able to speak. Then I roll onto my side and stagger to my feet. Leon is a few feet from me, totally unruffled.

“I didn’t think princesses cursed like that,” he says, amused.

I ignore his joke, rubbing the back of my head. “Why does this feel so real?” I demand.

“Pain is just a message your body sends to your brain, Ana,” he says calmly. “To your mind, this pain is as real as any other.”

“Don’t call me that,” I snap.

He cocks his head. “Why not? It’s what you like to be called, isn’t it? The boy in the inn called you Ana, and you seemed friendly enough with him.” Leon takes a step toward me.

“Exactly. He’s my friend ,” I say, sidestepping to keep him from getting too close. Soon we’re doing a dance, circling each other as we talk. “You’re not that, you’re…”

I look for the word I need. Does “enemy” fit? Maybe not. But neither does “ally.”

“I’m someone who’s going to help you find your power,” he says. Then he strikes again.

His blows come thick and fast, first striking me across the face so hard I’m sure he’s broken my nose, then across my ribs, where I feel a sharp crack. I scramble to remember Will’s lessons from long ago, when he taught me the basics of defending myself. I throw my arms up to protect my face, then kick out. My foot connects with something, and I hear a sharp intake of breath that tells me I’ve actually managed a counterstrike.

But then Leon wraps his hands around my ankle and yanks it upward. I’m falling again, and I prepare to hit the ground, bracing myself for more pain…

Instead of hard earth, something soft hits my back. The trees are gone, and so is the smell of plants and the sound of birds. Instead, I find sheets rumpled beneath my hands, and a familiar, dark bedroom around me.

No.

Water pours across my face, soaking the pillow beneath me and streaming into my mouth. I’m back in the manor, and Leon looms over me, but even as I focus on his gray eyes, his face changes—morphing into a monster.

It’s Bede who’s staring—leering—down at me. His teeth are as pale and shiny as the whites of his hungry eyes. I won’t let this happen again, I can’t.

I reach out for my power, searching for the heat that should run through my veins, searing and unstoppable. But I can’t find it. Instead, I’m cold as ice, frozen in place. No one’s coming to save me, and I can’t save myself.

This is just a dream. This isn’t real.

I’m trapped in the nightmare, and I latch hard onto that reminder.

I cough, fighting the liquid bubbling in my throat, managing to dislodge enough of it to scream.

“Stop this! Leon, get me out of here!”

I can’t fight this, but he can. And as soon as I have that thought, something pulls me away, a strong force tugging at me in the darkness. I don’t resist.

I open my eyes. The sunlight filters through the trees, hitting the edge of my cloak where I lie on top of it. I gasp in the fresh air and sit up, putting a palm to my chest where my heartbeat is still pounding.

My hand is shaking. I squeeze it into a tight fist.

“You were stuck there,” Leon says. He’s still crouching beside me, looking like he hasn’t moved this whole time. “So I pulled you out.”

The fear that gripped me moments ago is subsiding a little now, making room for other emotions. I turn on Leon, my voice tight and low.

“You said it was safe.”

“It is safe.” His voice softens a touch. “It’s just your mind got caught up in the memory. It has too strong a hold on you. That’s a problem, but the training still needs to take place in your dreams. Better than provoking your magic out in the waking world before you can control it.”

“Better?” I snap, jumping to my feet and snatching my cloak up off the ground. I’m humiliated and ashamed. “Anything is better than that .”

“Ana—”

“Don’t call me that!” I shout, flinging the cloak around my shoulders. I want to wrap it around me and disappear into it, let it swallow me up until I blink out of existence. No body to hurt, no mind to terrify.

I walk away from the fae prince, desperate to put distance between me and his piercing gaze, as the jays continue to chirrup overhead.