Page 80 of Crushed

“Or what about making me face my fears?” I asked. A melancholy grin spread across his lips, as if he was hesitant to answer. “You know that that’s the only way I got through drowning Issac in the pool. Because we had already done it before.”

“Like I said, it was never meant to be exposure therapy.” He looked down at the ground. “I could have made it worse.”

“But you didn’t.”

He met my eyes, locking us together in a focused gaze. There was a pureness to the sparkle in his eyes, like a load had been lifted. He was willing to see me face to face in a way that was different than before. Maybe he had finally lowered his walls. For me.

“Do you forgive me?” he asked.

I thought about it for a moment. Did I forgive Cormac for being who he was? He was controlling, arrogant, possessive, and impulsive. His decisions could be irrational and frightening, but there were parts of me that were like him. Ihadto be impulsive and violent; my job forced me into critical, life-threatening decisions. And yet I had never trusted anyone like this before.

Not like I trusted Cormac.

“I don’t forgive you,” I said. Shock covered his face, but then I smiled. “You’re you, Cormac. You don’t have to apologize for being yourself. As long as you’re willing to keep working on trusting me,” I touched his cheek, “Then I’ll keep working on letting you take control.” I grinned. “When it’s appropriate, of course.”

“And if I kill someone?” he asked. “What about your moral compass? Good and evil, all of that?”

I shrugged. “I mean, I’ve killed someone too now. But you should probably leave the murdering to me in the future. I can make exceptions for your assignments. It is my job, you know.”

“Of course.” He kissed me forehead, and I swooned, leaning my head against his chest.

“I love you,” he said quietly. The lines around his eyes showed that he had been through so much in the last few years. Even if his actions were flawed, his love to protect her, and to protect me, was admirable. I trusted Cormac with my life.

And I trusted him with my heart.

“I love you too,” I said, beaming.

We held hands and walked back to the main building of the estate. “Do you think Lizzy shared any of the chocolate pudding with Rose?” I asked.

“If I know Rose,” he said, “I’m sure the chef brought the two of them the entire bowl.”

Warmth swelled in my heart, and I leaned my head on his shoulder. “I’m glad you let her out,” I whispered.

“Me too,” he said.