Page 13 of Cruising with You (Swenson Sweethearts)

I think back on all the times I’ve helped before landing on a memory where he was particularly miserable.

“My brother played college football and was away for a game when his son got really sick. His mom is…well,…she’s less than stellar, and my brother asked me to go pick up my nephew and take care of him until he could catch a flight. ”

“Were you working at the time? Going to school?”

“I was going to school,” I answer.

“So, what did you do?”

“I skipped class and held my nephew. He had the flu and a double ear infection. I had to take him to the doctor. Pick up his prescription. Clean up a lot of puke. And just…hold him.”

“That sounds really hard,” Dr. Lorringer comments. “Were you upset at your brother?”

I shake my head. “No, of course not. I was a little peeved at his ex since she’s a terrible mom, but I was happy to help my nephew and brother out.

Honestly, I would’ve been angry if he hadn’t called and asked me to help.

I think that was one of the most memorable moments I’ve ever had with my nephew. ”

“It’s interesting how that works, isn’t it?

When we’re sacrificing for someone without any resentment, that’s often when we feel closest to them.

” Turning to the audience, she expounds, “Relationships are hard work, people, but they’re also the most rewarding connections we can have.

Gage, have you ever had anyone look after you in a way that’s similar to what Nora just described? ”

He shakes his head. “Not since I was a little kid, no.”

“And does it still sound so terrible?”

There’s a heavy pause as he looks down at me. Studying me. Searching for something. The intensity that’s rolling off him makes me want to cry. For him. For me. For everything we say we don’t want, but we really do.

“No, it doesn’t,” he admits. “But what you just described isn’t always the norm, either.

Nora just gave the perfect example. The kid has a shitty mom.

Shouldn’t she love her sick baby more than anyone?

But she didn’t. She couldn’t. Maybe that’s not her fault.

Maybe it’s just…the way that it is for her. ”

“So, you think that not everyone is capable of love?”

He clears his throat before running his hand down his face. “Yeah. Maybe they wish they were capable of it. Maybe they even tried it before they realized how selfish they were.”

“Are you speaking from experience, Gage?” She cocks her head to the side and watches his Adam’s apple bob up and down before he glances over at me.

“Yeah. I am.”

“Can you tell us what happened? It’s a safe space here.”

With a deep sigh, he shoves his hands into his front pockets, then rocks back on his heels.

“I dated the same girl for five years. She was best friends with my buddy’s fiancé––the guy who just got engaged that I mentioned earlier.

We were, uh…I dunno how to explain it. Double date buddies?

” He laughs dryly. “Anyway, we started dating a couple years before them, so we had a head start. After the first couple of years, Melanie started asking about our plans for the future. I would always shrug it off. She would send me pictures of wedding rings and would say shit like, ‘I’m not dropping any hints or anything. I just thought it was pretty .’” Another dry laugh escapes him as he gets lost in the memories.

“I led her on for five years before I finally had the courage to break it off. I loved her. I did. I just…knew that I’d never be enough, and I’d never be able to give her the life she wanted.

When we finally broke up, she was pissed, and she had every reason to be.

But I still remember what she said to me before walking out the door.

‘ If you knew you didn’t want marriage, why didn’t you tell me?

Why weren’t you up-front with me? Why can’t you love me the way I love you?

’ And that’s when I realized the truth. I’m not capable of that kind of love.

I’m capable of having a good time, but…that’s it.

And I just…I guess I needed to find someone who was okay with that. ”

He looks down at me again, but instead of relief in his gaze, I’m met with hesitation and guilt.

“And how does that make you feel, Nora?” Dr. Lorringer asks.

A stupid tear slips past my defenses, and I hastily wipe it away. “I feel…heartbroken for you. And for her.”

“Why her, Nora?” Dr. Lorringer prods.

“I’ve already told Gage this story.”

The CliffsNotes version, anyway.

“But you haven’t told us,” Dr. Lorringer presses. “And because this is a workshop, I think it would be really beneficial for everyone to get to the bottom of this.”

Definitely gonna kill Gem.

Sighing, I explain, “My brother was you, Gage. He dated the perfect girl for a long time. All throughout high school. They were…well, for lack of a better word, they were perfect for each other. And I’m not just saying that.

Like seriously…when I grew up, I wanted to find a relationship like theirs.

Then, one day after graduation, he broke it off.

I still don’t understand why, and honestly, I’m not sure if he does, either, because I know he regrets it.

But he did. He broke her heart. And I had to watch it all fall apart.

I always felt like…if a couple like them couldn’t make it, then how the hell was I going to find someone that would give me better odds of a happily ever after? ”

The room is silent. I’m not even sure the audience is breathing with how quiet and heavy the air is around us. But I also don’t know what to say to break it. To make it better. To erase the pity on Gage’s face as he stares down at me.

“Gage, do you think Nora is capable of having a happily ever after?”

Rubbing his hand along the scruff of his cheek, he watches me carefully. “From my own personal experience, I’m not sure it really exists.” Tears threaten to fall from my eyes, but I hold them back. “But if anyone deserves it, it’s her.”

Dr. Lorringer nods. “Do you wish you could give that to her? If you’d met in another life?”

“That’s a trick question,” he points out, refusing to look at me anymore.

With a kind smile, she replies, “We’re talking hypothetically, Gage.”

“Hypothetically?” His eyes dart back to mine. Then he studies me carefully. “Yeah. If I knew I wouldn’t hurt you and was capable of giving you everything you deserve––”

“And what does she deserve?” Dr. Lorringer interjects.

“A relationship that blows her brother’s out of the water.”

The audience laughs along with Dr. Lorringer. “Perfect. Go on.”

“If I knew I was capable of giving you that, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

” There’s a hint of hesitation in his eyes that seems to fill a few of the little cracks of reservations I have with him.

It’s the vulnerability that isn’t usually present in a guy that, for as long as I’ve known him, has always been so self-assured. It almost breaks me.

“And, Nora, are you willing to risk your heart to find out if he is capable? If maybe he just needs someone to have faith in him and to teach him what unconditional love looks and feels like?”

“We just met,” I argue.

“Every love story starts that way. Whether it’s on a dating site, at the grocery store, through a mutual friend, or maybe it’s on a singles’ cruise,” she replies with a smirk.

“Your relationship isn’t any different than anyone else’s in this room.

It’s how you move forward after that first date.

How you encourage that connection after the initial meeting.

It’s these decisions that can make or break a relationship.

You have to decide if you’re willing to deal with the mess that comes with every single person––because I guarantee no one is perfect––or if you’d prefer to keep your hands clean and let another potential soulmate slip through your fingers because that connection wasn’t strong enough to encourage you to get your hands dirty. That choice is up to you.”

“Well, when you put it that way,” Gage jokes before giving me a sexy wink. I’m not sure if it’s to deflect or if it’s a tactic to get Dr. Lorringer to move onto the passion portion, but I appreciate his effort. It’s way too serious in here, and it’s hitting way too close to home.

“That’s why I get paid the big bucks,” Dr. Lorringer replies. “Now, I’ll let both of you decide if your relationship is worth pursuing or not on your own time. As for right now, shall we dive into the fun part?”

The audience cheers, and I join in, ready to breathe when I feel like I’ve been holding my breath during this entire interrogation.

“Perfect! Let’s give Gage and Nora one more round of applause for letting us peek into their little therapy session.”

As the clapping starts, Gage grabs my hand and raises it into the air before pulling me into a dramatic bow like we’re receiving a standing ovation at the ballet. I roll my eyes as my face heats up, but I kind of love how he plays off the crowd and makes me feel more comfortable in my own skin.

“Alright, and before you both go back to your seats, I want you to know that your issues ”––she uses air quotes around the term––“are completely normal. Neither of them are deal-breakers by any means, and I think you two are an adorable couple. Okay, go sit down. Enough of this mushy crap. Actually, I’m totally lying because passion is mushy, and we’re just getting started. ”

“Great,” Gage grumbles behind me as we walk back to our yoga mat. With a snort, I peek behind me to see him smiling back.

“You’re a trooper. You know that, right?”

We both sit down before he replies, “Uh-huh. You definitely owe me, though. I feel like I just got a colonoscopy.”

“You and me both. I’m seriously going to kill Gem the next time I see her.”

“Yeah, I think I might have to do a little cockblocking to get back at her for earlier today too. Do you think Conner will mind if I slip some laxatives into his drink tonight?”

I snort. “That’s just cruel.”