Page 58 of Cruel When He Smiles (Sinners of Blackthorne U #3)

Nate

Liam doesn’t look away from me as I sit on the bed cross-legged, place my phone on the nightstand, then give him my full attention.

He looks at me the way he does when he’s trying to calculate damage, like I’m not just a person but a sequence of wires he’s afraid to cut wrong. I don’t say anything at first because silence does more to him than my words ever could.

His shoulders are tense, hazel eyes narrowed enough that someone else might think he’s bored—but I know better. That’s him holding himself together, keeping the cracks from showing.

“Say what you need to say,” he finally murmurs.

I take my time, sitting back, stretching my arms over my knees before I speak. “I’m not going to make this easy for you.”

His mouth twitches, not quite a smile, but not anger either—just the flicker of someone bracing themselves. “When have you ever?”

“Don’t,” I warn, my tone low. “Don’t try to smooth this over with your usual bullshit. You’re not going to walk in here, say a few words, and get me back on your leash.”

The muscle in his jaw jumps again, and I can tell the instinct to push back is there, but he swallows it. “You’ve been avoiding me for days,” he says instead.

I lean forward, elbows on my knees. “Because you earned it. You said I was a weakness and a distraction, Liam. Do you have any idea how that felt after everything you did when I was healing in your bed?”

He doesn’t answer, but his hands curl into loose fists at his sides.

“I’m not just here for you to spiral over when you’ve got nothing better to do,” I continue, my words are harsh, and I don’t soften them. “I’m not something you keep around to make your day interesting. I’m not just some shiny thing you put on the shelf until you feel like playing with it again.”

His brow furrows slightly, but he doesn’t interrupt. I take that as permission to keep going, even though part of me can feel the way his control frays every time I press harder.

“You want to know why I haven’t left? Why I keep coming back, even after all the manipulation, all the mind games?” My voice drops, serious now, no venom left. “It’s not because of the sex. It’s not even about needing you to touch me. I’m not some addict for your attention.”

I pause, meeting his eyes dead-on. “I’m here because I chose you, Liam.

When you’re in control, the noise in my head finally stops.

When you’ve got your hand on me, when you’re pushing me where you want me— I can breathe .

Your dominance doesn’t turn me into a submissive—it resets the world.

I don’t flinch when you call me baby. I don’t panic when you push, because for once I know what’s coming. You make sense when nothing else does.”

His eyes darken, but not with lust. He doesn’t move toward me, doesn’t try to touch me, but I can see the tension in him shift, like my words have lodged somewhere deep.

For a moment, the only sound is the faint hum of the heater kicking on.

He stays leaning against the door, his hands flexing like he’s working through the urge to cross the space between us.

“Nate,” he says finally, his tone quieter than I’ve ever heard it. “That’s not what I meant when I—”

“You’ve never been on the other end of hearing how disposable you are, so maybe you don’t know how much it fucks with you to hear it from someone you—” I stop myself, pulling in a sharp breath. “From someone you’ve let in as far as I’ve let you in.”

His eyes search mine, and for the first time, I see him hesitate. It’s strange, seeing him without an immediate counter.

“I don’t think you’re disposable,” he says after a long pause.

I lean back, keeping my gaze fixed on him. “Then prove it. Not by telling me you need me because I made you say it downstairs. Not because you can’t stand me ignoring you. Show me you know what I’m worth when I’m not just on my knees for you.”

A different emotion flickers across his face. “You want me to grovel?”

“I want you to understand,” I reply. “And if that means you have to crawl for it, then yeah, maybe I do.”

His mouth curves into something that isn’t quite a smirk, but there’s no humor in it. He pushes off the door slowly, and for a second, I think he’s going to try and flip the dynamic back in his favor, but when he doesn’t.

He drops down to his knees instead, his eyes still locked on mine.

Liam fucking Callahan, on all fours, crawling across my bedroom floor, not looking away for a single second.

His hands are steady, but I see the crack in his control and what it costs him.

Each inch forward is a surrender, but also a statement.

He stops in front of me, still kneeling, his breath quiet and even, but I can see the havoc inside him. “I’m sorry, Pup.”

Holy. Shit.

“You’re not a weakness in the way you think,” he says, his tone stripped of the edge it usually carries.

“You’re the only thing that’s kept me from coming apart these past months.

You’re the only person who makes me think twice before I tear into someone.

You’re the only thing I’ve ever wanted enough to risk losing control over. ”

I want to look away, because hearing him like this makes it harder to keep the wall up, but I force myself to hold his gaze.

“I don’t just want your body,” he continues. “I want every part of you—the stubbornness, the smart mouth, the way you don’t back down even when you should. The way you make me work for every inch I get. I have never been on my knees for anyone in my life, but here I am, kneeling for you.”

His words land heavy, and for a moment, I forget how to breathe. I shake my head, trying to push past the pull of his voice. “You can’t just say that when it suits you. You can’t pull me apart one week and then act like I’m the center of your universe the next.”

“I know,” he admits, and there’s no hesitation in it.

“That’s why I’m here now. Because I don’t want you thinking for a second that you’re just something I use to fill time—I lied when I said that.

I’ve used people before. I’ve taken what I wanted and left without a second thought.

But you—” He stops, his jaw tightening before he pushes through the words.

“I can’t walk away from you. And it scares the shit out of me. ”

I exhale slowly, my chest tight. “You hurt me, Liam. You don’t get to be scared when you’re the one who threw the first punch.”

For a long beat, neither of us speaks. He crawls that last inch forward, rests his head against my knee, and exhales like it’s the first time he’s breathed all week. My fingers thread into his hair without thinking. “Tell me how to fix it,” he whispers. “Tell me how to win you back.”

I let the question hang between us for a long moment, weighing it. “You start by showing me I’m more than the moments you decide I’m worth your focus. You make me believe that I’m not just another move in your game.”

He tilts his face up, resting his chin against my leg now.

“Then I’ll make you believe it. You want me to crawl?

” he asks, leaning back and lifting his brows slightly.

“I’ll crawl. You want me on my knees? I’ll stay here.

You want me to spend every night making up for it until it stops stinging when you hear my voice? I will.”

“Liam—”

“I’ll do it,” he cuts in. “Because for the first time in my entire life, I know what I want. You’re the only thing I’ve ever touched that didn’t feel like punishment.”

The weight of that settles between us, quiet and suffocating in the best way as he watches me with those unreadable hazel eyes.

I shift forward, slowly reaching down, fingers curling under his jaw, tilting his head up.

“You make it really hard to stay mad at you,” I say, but I don’t tell him that part of me wants to let him back in, if only because the way he’s looking at me right now makes the static in my head fade just a little.

Instead, I keep my guard up, because he’s going to have to work for it this time.

And judging by the way he’s still on his knees, he knows it.