Page 37

37

Stella

B eing back at my family home, knowing my father’s secrets, and not seeing Cami’s smiling face is almost too much to bear.

But where else do I have to go tonight? My mom needs me more than ever. God, there’s no way to tell her Cami was kidnapped without her spiraling. But I know she’s going to ask where she’s been this afternoon and tonight and I…I don’t have any fucking answers.

I clean up my face in the bathroom of my old room, washing away the mascara running down my cheeks, before I step foot into my mom’s bedroom.

Not that it matters.

“Where’s your sister…oh, honey. What’s wrong?” Mom asks within seconds of seeing me.

I shake my head, not wanting, not knowing how to talk about it as I crawl up on the bed next to her.

When she reaches over and pats the top of my hand with her frail one, I completely lose it. I bury my face in the pillow.

“It’s okay. Whatever it is, will be okay,” Mom whispers as she strokes my hair.

“No, it won’t be,” I tell her once I can speak again through the sobs.

“Is it Andre?” she asks, and I nod. “What did he do, honey?”

“I can’t…” I trail off, unable to tell her or anyone else no matter how much I want to. While I could confide in Saint, he’d be furious and make everything worse, fighting a war on two fronts. That’s the one thing Zara was right about.

There’s been enough bloodshed in my fucking family. I won’t have my only living brother’s death on my hands. Not when my mom already has one foot in the grave and my sister has been kidnapped.

“Talk to me, Stella. I can’t help if you keep crying and don’t tell me what’s wrong. Let me try to help. I may not get many more chances,” she says, causing my tears to flow faster.

A few minutes later, I sit up and swipe away the dampness on my cheeks. “I-I hate him, and I don’t…I won’t ever be able to forgive him for this.”

“If you truly hated him, you wouldn’t be a boohooing mess.” My mom clasps my hand again, this time tighter. “When you love someone, you always find a way to forgive them, even when you don’t want to…”

She’s referring to my dad, and while I’d never burden her with what Zara told me that may or may not even be true, I ask, “How did you forgive Daddy…whenever he hurt you?”

“It wasn’t easy.” Her chin trembles as if recalling the trauma all over again. “But I knew despite the things your father did for our family, for his mobster family, he did love me. He cared for me and protected me and our children. He wasn’t perfect. Neither am I. I wish he hadn’t kept so many secrets from me, but the ones he had…I don’t need to know, not if they’ll only cause more pain. There’s nothing he ever did that could make me stop loving him.”

“How can you be so sure?” I bite my bottom lip.

“Because it wouldn’t be love if it was so easy to stop.”

If she only knew my father had a little girl with a woman younger than me or Cami, I wonder if she’d say the same thing.

I pull my hand from hers, feeling so damn guilty. I know my father’s dirty secret and can’t tell her. Getting up, I go and grab a few tissues from the box on the rolling table just to give myself something else to do, to try to stop the barrage of tears.

“Do you miss him?”

“What?” I pause with the tissue pressed to my pouring nose.

“Do you miss Andre right here, right now?”

I want to say hell no, I don’t miss that son of a bitch. But it’d be a lie, so I nod.

“Then that’s all you need to know, honey. Forgive him. The pain, the hurt he caused you is why you’re upset, not whatever it is he did or said.”

I scoff. “That’s not entirely true.”

“Try, honey. Try to be happy, even if you have to let yourself be vulnerable to the hurt again. Try to help your brother and sister find their own love and happiness, too, since I won’t be able to.”

I shake my head while mopping up my face. “I hate it when you talk like that.”

“Well, it’s true. Sometimes the truth hurts. That’s why so many people lie, because what’s done is done, and all that’s left afterward is the lingering pain.”

Looking at my mom who grows weaker by the day and hearing the words I won’t ever let myself forget, I’m certain I won’t ever be able to tell Saint, or Cami if we find her, the truth about what happened to our brother and father. It will only hurt them and cause more trouble for our family.

That’s why, once my mom’s eyes grow so heavy she can’t keep them open any longer, I give her a kiss on the cheek and tell her to get some rest.

I go downstairs and find my brother in our father’s office.

He’s sitting in our father’s chair, head thrown back, palms covering his face. He looks like I feel.

“Hey,” I say in greeting.

His hands fall away to look at me. “Hey. What are you doing here?”

“I guess you know about Cami?”

“I’m sorry, Stella. It’s all my fault…”

“You have to find her, to get her back here for Mom, before it’s too late...” For both of them , I don’t bother saying.

“You think I don’t fucking know that? I’ve got men at every Sanna property, following every family member and searching for any sign of her! That son of a bitch Kai has disappeared, and I have no doubt she’s with him.”

“Will he…do you think he’ll hurt her?”

“I don’t fucking know!” he growls. “I don’t fucking know anything!”

“Go sit with mom,” I tell him.

“What? Why? Isn’t she asleep?”

“She’s in and out of sleep all night. And despite how sick she gets, she still gives great advice. Maybe she can offer you some…”

He shakes his head. “I can’t. She’ll ask me about Cami.”

“I know,” I say with a heavy sigh. My breakdown is the only way I avoided answering her question about where Cami’s been today. “I’ll sleep in the chaise in her room tonight.”

“Why? What are you even doing here so late?”

“I was…I’m going to stay here a few nights.”

Arching a dark eyebrow, he asks, “Marital problems so soon?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I mutter. “I came home to try to get some sleep and…I wanted to check on you…”

“It’s Cami we need to worry about,” he huffs.

“Are you going to confess?”

“I don’t know. It may already be too late.”

“Please, don’t do anything stupid,” I beg. “Not without proof that she’s been hurt. That’s the mafia rule, right?”

“Right.” He gets up and grabs his phone from the desk.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ve got a Council meeting.”

“Tonight?” I ask in surprise.

“Yes.”

Will Andre be at the meeting with Creed? Probably so.

“Oh. Well, be careful.”

“I will. Go get some rest. There are plenty of men here to keep watch.” He comes and gives me a hug, which I didn’t expect. When he pulls away, he asks, “Should I tell our guards not to let your husband in when he shows up?”

“What makes you think he’d show up here?”

He gives me a pointed look. “Because you’re here, and his men are lurking outside. He fucked up?”

I nod. “I don’t want to see him.”

“I’ll let the guards on watch know,” he replies before he walks out of his office. “Just…please tell me I’m not going to have to give the money back, Stella. Do you really want Mom to spend her last days seeing us sell this place?”

“No, I don’t. You won’t have to pay back the money,” I lie. I have no doubt Creed Ferraro will ask for it back after tonight’s argument. I just don’t have the energy to break more bad news to my brother.