Page 41 of Cruel Debts (Killers of Port Wylde #4)

THIRTY-SIX

ASHER

"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty," I muttered against the top of Trinity's head, relishing the feel of her in my arms, in my bed, unguarded and trusting. "We're going on an adventure today."

Liam spent more time in the gym than out of it, and there was something going on between Hawke and her, so it was up to me to make sure she didn't waste away in here.

And it just so happened I needed to scope out some outdoor range shot locations.

So a hike would be a good opportunity to get her out of this place and into the wild.

Fresh air. Sunlight. Maybe not excitement, but activity outside of these four walls.

She buried her head into my blankets and groaned. "No, Asher, not yet." Her toes found my calves, and I tried not to shiver at the chill of them against my warm skin. "Still tired."

"No can do, Pretty Bird," I sighed, wishing I could give in to her.

She spent every night in my bed this week. Liam wasn't thrilled with it, but he wasn't saying anything about it, either. Plus, I was older. Not by much, but by enough. I dared him to try and stop me from doing what I wanted. This crew wouldn't be a crew if it weren't for me building it.

"What the hell are we going to do at the crack of dawn?" She popped her head up from under the blankets and stuck her nose against my throat, humming softly to herself as she inhaled my woodsy soap smell. "Please tell me it's nothing stupid."

"A hike," I say calmly, tugging her against me tighter.

"Unless you don't want to leave the house.

I can think of other things to do with you.

" Like finish what we started last night.

Or start something new. Or piss off Liam by being handsy in the common areas.

Or poke fun at Hawke and order takeout since he was on a cooking strike, and I didn't feel like making anything.

"I'm up, I'm up," she grunted, rolling out of my arms and out of reach with a huff. "Where are we going?"

"You'll have to wait and see," I told her, pleased that I could surprise her with something I enjoyed for once. "You'll love it."

"Asher?" Her voice was weak, but it carried to me even from ten feet away as I tried to find the most solid path up the cliff-face to the peak. "Are you sure about this?"

"Sure as rain in the jungle," I told her with confidence, my eyes scanning the wall of rocks. I poked one and watched the minor cascade, then sighed. "If I could just find the solid handholds, we'd be in business."

She mumbled something suspiciously like it'd be nice if there was a set of stairs, and then huffed a sigh, following me closely.

I let my attention return to the walkway. "We might have to go the long way around."

I'd never heard a more audible gulp in my life. "The long way? As opposed to what?" Her eyes scanned the wall of rocks, and she shivered. "The dangerous way?"

"Pretty much." My shrug was contemplative, and I marched around the edge of the wall, where I found myself on a wider, less steep path that circled the dangerous rock face and curved up the rest of the mountain. "Oh, look—this is easier. Let's go this way."

Trinity, to her credit, kept up with me quite well, for a girl who didn't get much exercise like this. But there was something in her mannerisms that had me wondering what she was hiding. Because she was hiding something, of that there was no doubt.

But what?

"How much further, Asher?" Her voice sounded pained as we rounded the last switchback, and the clearing at the top came into view.

"We're there," I murmured, taking her hand to lead her to the edge. "Check out the view."

Almost instantly, her hand clenched around mine, and a soft, pitiful whimper left her lips. Mistaking it for shock and awe was my first mistake.

Letting go to reach for my phone was my second.

"Asher!" She lunged for my arm, knocking my phone loose in the process, and I watched with frustration as the damn thing spiraled and skittered across the path and right off the edge of the cliff, plummeting to its death who knew how many of hundreds of feet below us. "Shit."

Shit, indeed.

"That had all my contacts in it," I growled, frustrated beyond belief. "And notes I took that haven't backed up yet." My eyes skimmed the tree line, judging how far it could've gone without assistance. "And now it's gone."

"I'm sorry," she whimpered, and for the first time this whole trip, I looked at her. Really looked at her.

"Are you okay?"

Trinity was three shades paler than she normally was, which was concerning and very unhealthy-looking.

Her pallor was pale, and the freckles on her face stood out as a backdrop to her paleness.

An accent to her blue eyes, and those stunning pink cheeks.

But now, there was a lack of color in her skin.

A concerning level of absence of it, in fact.

"Trinity? What's going on?" I knelt down in front of her and dragged her hands in front of her, the phone long forgotten. "Talk to me, Pretty Bird."

"I'm—I'm afraid of heights." Her eyes cut to the cliff again, and she shrank back and shivered. "I think I'm going to be sick. Or maybe pass out."

"You're not going to pass out," I told her, my resolve leaking out to comfort her. "I'll keep you safe, and we'll go back down where you feel safe."

"I can't move," she admitted, her knees buckling. "Asher, I'm?—"

"You're scared. It's okay," I said, hating the patronizing tone I found myself using with her. "Just breathe. Relax."

I've got her. She won't get hurt. I'd keep her safe.

She turned to hyperventilating, which, while it was technically breathing, it wasn't successful breathing. And I wanted her to change that. "Trinity?" She needed to calm down. I needed to get her out of here. "Why don't you get on my back and close your eyes, and I'll take you back down?"

Her weak laughter was less humorous and more self-pitying and embarrassed. "Just leave me up here to die, Asher. It's fine. That'll solve all your problems."

"You're being ridiculous." In seconds, I had her in my arms, and she was clinging to me like a koala, her arms and legs wrapped around my torso like a human backpack. Thankfully, shifting her to my back was easy. Holding her there was easy.

Convincing her to loosen her grip wasn't so easy, though, and if she didn't, she wouldn't be the only one here passing out from lack of oxygen to the brain.

"Trinity, Pretty Bird, I need air. If I can't breathe, I can't walk. And then we're both dying up here on this hill."

She reluctantly loosened her grip, though she tightened the grip her legs had on my waist. I was fine with that. Especially since she couldn't see the stiffy it caused.

"Is that enough? Am I still strangling you?"

My hair flopped in my face as I shook my head no. "You're fine now. Just keep an eye on your hands, okay? Last thing I need is to fight off a chokehold while I'm scaling a cliff."

"I'm sorry, scaling a cliff?" Her voice was a squeak now, and I had to bite back a chuckle. "You're going to scale a cliff with me on your back?"

"No, no, there's a set of stairs I'll take down," I told her, which seemed to relieve her anxiety for the time being. "Just hold on and don't look if the heights scare you, okay?"

"Sure, I'll get right on that." She did as I told her, though, for which I was endlessly glad for.

It meant a quick trip down the side of the mountain, until finally, when we leveled back out where the cars were, she grew brave enough to lift her head and look around.

"We're already down?" Her eyes were huge, and she slipped off my back, though I really didn't mind her there. It was like being back at basic training, putting weights in our bags to run the morning mile. Except she felt good against my skin.

"Already down." My eyes scan her body appreciateively, and I hate that I feel this lecherous about her.

I hate that I've broken my promise to Keehn to protect her.

And I don't hate it, at the same time. But what does it say about me as a person that I'm so eager to break the code of honor, the pact I made with a blood brother, all for my own gain?

Was I not a trained and lethal killing machine? Had I not been basically discharged as a dangerous person of interest when the military found out what I'd done in those POW camps?

How could those count as war crimes, if they deserved it?

But on the same end of that branch, how could I bear to taint such an innocent woman with my dark aura?

"Asher?"

I blinked back the mental vacation and sighed. "How long have you been afraid of heights, Pretty Bird?"

She shrugged, frowning down at the ground. "It's not a new thing, but I don't remember the first time it happened."

"You know," I said, leaning against the back of the car, "we're all afraid of something."

"Even you?" She glanced up at me like the thought was unfathomable to her.

"Even me," I agreed, though revealing that side of myself felt weird. "But the difference is, my fears aren't tangible. I can't solve my fears by facing them. Yours is physical. It exists in a manner that you can tackle. Overcome, if you want."

"How do you overcome a fear?"

"You face it. Head-on. With determination and sheer willpower."

When I'd been afraid of running lead on point when we swept through hostile, overgrown territory, I hated how weak it made me feel.

So I started volunteering for the lead spot in the lineup.

So much that my sergeant began to suspect I had a death wish.

But with every time I ran point, it got easier and easier.

Until one day, I cocked my gun, calmly stepped into the front, only to be pushed to the back by another man who took my self-taught lesson to heart and wanted to face his own fears.

Until the day that it was no longer a fear of mine.

I didn't want to scare her, though, so I didn't share that story.

"I want to go back up," she said suddenly, her gaze locked on the mountain before her. "But I don't know if I can."

"But you want to?" I stared at her curiously. "Why?"

"Because I don't want to be afraid of heights anymore. I'm missing out on so much. I want to conquer it." Her hands balled into fists at her side as she stared solidly up the side of the cliff. "I want to take the scarier path, too."

"Why don't we start small and work our way up, huh?" I took her hand and smiled. If she could face this fear, then I could face my own about my inability to protect her the way she needed, and how much of this I actually deserved or didn't deserve. "Steps. Not leaps and bounds."

"Progress is progress, right?" She squeezed my hand, and I smiled back down at this small woman determined to teach me a thing or two.

I might not know what the future held for us, but I could face each day like it was the last one I'd ever live, and enjoy them to the fullest. Live them like I wanted to. Without fear of what was just around the corner.

Regardless of what that shadow in the hall in front of me turned out to be.

"Progress is progress," I agreed, and she took the first step, leading us both back up the cliffs to face our fears together.

I couldn't always protect her, but dammit, I could do my best. And I had to hope that was good enough. That I was good enough.

For both our sakes.