Page 24

Chapter 24

Hannah

My mouth has gone dry, and my heart pounds against my ribcage. I just got off in the shower not even ten minutes ago and haven’t fully come down from it, but Declan being this close and saying all these things to me with such raw honesty has my body thrumming like a live wire, throbbing for another release. The blood rushes in my ears, and the edges of my vision blur until all I can see is his beautiful brown eyes holding mine.

I thought taking care of myself in the shower would take the edge off for this session with him, and it did—until now.

I can’t believe I’m even thinking it, but maybe he’s right. This thing between us, whatever the hell it is now, feels so much deeper. The physical intensity has been there all along, but I’ve felt sparks of something more—something real—and it wasn’t until he laid everything out just now that I let myself believe I wasn’t imagining it.

It exhilarates and terrifies me at the same time. Getting all wrapped up in Declan is dangerous in so many ways. It’s like holding a grenade with the pin halfway out, and the voice screaming in the back of my head isn’t afraid to remind me of that, but I’m getting to the point where it’s harder and harder to listen—and next to impossible to care—because I’m ready to pull that damn pin.

The need, the desire I have for him is overriding everything else. And it’s not just sexual. Just like he said, I knew as soon as I met him at Opal and Oak months ago that there was something different about him—about us . It was easier to downplay then because I knew I would be leaving in the morning and would never see him again.

There was no potential for it to be anything other than one amazing night.

But he’s here now, and he’s not going anywhere anytime soon. And I don’t know what the hell to do or how to feel about that. With my body screaming, aching for him like this, my brain’s rational voice somehow cuts through all the noise to remind me that I’m playing with fire. Even if everything he just said is true, and I believe him, it doesn’t change the fact that we can’t do this. If word gets out, it’s all but guaranteed to end Declan’s career with the Aces, and maybe in the NHL as a whole, and I don’t even want to think about what kind of price my parents will make me pay.

So as much as I wish he’d take me right here on the studio floor, I take a deep breath and free my wrists from his grip before stepping away. “I think we should probably get started with the session.”

Declan smiles—a gentle, understanding curve of his lips. “Okay. You’re probably right.”

Part of me is glad he isn’t arguing, but another part—a larger part than I care to admit—is disappointed that he isn’t fighting me. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this lesson with every nerve ending on high alert, with every fiber of my being screaming for him, but I’m going to have to find a way.

“Let’s do a bit more warm up,” I say and lead him through a few basic stretches.

He stays quiet, but I don’t miss his eyes watching me in the mirror, and every time they meet mine, I feel an electric current spark inside me. It’s almost unbearable, but having to look him directly in the eye would be even more dangerous, so I keep my back to him as we work through a few more stretches.

“Do you remember the poses I taught you last time?” I ask, and Declan nods.

“I’ve been practicing them at home.”

“Really?” I can’t hide my surprise.

“Yes, really. Want me to prove it?” he asks and starts to move into the first position until I hold out a hand to stop him.

“No, I believe you. I’m glad you remember because we’re going to be building on those today and incorporating them into the routine I showed you in the first lesson.”

“Sounds like it’s going to be one hell of a workout. But I think I could use that right about now,” he says as he lifts his hands over his head to get into the starting pose, just like I showed him.

His form is noticeably better, and I can tell from the steadier, more confident way that he does it that he really has been practicing, but I’m still stuck on what he said. At least I’m not the only one who’s feeling a little hot and bothered, although I decide not to tell him that.

Instead, I guide him through the six or so poses I’ve already shown him in sequence, then move into downward-facing dog. I’m expecting him to say something sarcastic about the last time he tried a pose like this and fell over, but he doesn’t say a word. He just sinks to his hands and knees on his mat and mirrors my movements and positioning. He’s nowhere near as flexible as I am, but I’m impressed with how straight he’s able to keep his legs and how flat he keeps his feet on the floor.

“God, I feel that one,” he grunts between controlled breaths.

“You’re doing great,” I encourage him, watching his reflection in the mirror.

I have to shake my head to chase off the image of myself on my hands and knees underneath him, his thick cock stretching me.

“Just remember to keep breathing,” I whisper, almost to myself as much as him. “It takes about six seconds on average for your muscles to adjust to a stretch.”

Declan smirks in the mirror—a knowing, heated expression that sends warmth pooling low in my belly. “That’s good to know.”

It’s nearly impossible to focus on anything other than him and all the thoughts racing through my head right now. I can’t tell if he’s intentionally trying to get me going or not, but either way, his low, rumbling comments aren’t helping.

I feel so torn, like the two sides of myself are literally pulling me apart at the seams. The wilder part of me, the part that gets drunk and sings her heart out in the backseat of an Uber, wants nothing more than to throw caution to the wind and say fuck it. I only get to live once, and just like Declan said, I don’t have to keep living it in a way that makes my parents happy just because my brother died. That’s not fair to me at all, and I’m sure it’s not what Casey would want for me either.

But the other part of me, the more rational and careful side, cringes just thinking about living like that—because it could cost me everything I have now. I’ve worked so hard to get to where I’m at in life right now, and while I might not love law school or living my life under the watchful gaze of my parents, I can’t shake the feeling I owe them that.

I’m sure they’ll love me no matter what I do, but I don’t think I could live with myself if I disappointed them. And there’s no way in hell my dad in particular would take the news of me messing around with one of his players as anything but a massive disappointment.

But I also can’t shake these intense and growing feelings I’m having toward Declan, so what am I supposed to do? Even if I told him I wanted to call everything off, I’d still have to keep seeing him for these lessons for as long as my father thinks Declan needs them, so nothing would change. And I know better than to think that these feelings would magically disappear, even if I did stop seeing Declan. Hell, I didn’t see him for six months, but I thought about him every single day until he dropped back into my life like he belonged there.

“Everything okay?” Declan asks as I guide him down into cobra pose.

“Yeah, why?”

“You got quiet again.”

I glance over at him and try to keep the smile off my face, but I can still see a hint of it in my reflection. “It’s yoga. We’re supposed to be quiet.”

“No wonder it’s hard for me,” he says, and I can’t help but laugh at that.

“You’re doing great,” I tell him, although I can’t say the same for myself.

My hands are trembling as I try to hold myself up, which never happens. I’ve done this pose thousands of times by now, but I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with the pose and everything to do with the gorgeous man next to me whose eyes haven’t left mine. We transition into child’s pose from there and hold it for a few minutes before repeating the entire routine from top to bottom and coming back into child’s pose.

“I was right. That was one hell of a workout,” Declan says with a huffed laugh, his voice slightly muffled thanks to how close his mouth is to the floor. I don’t say anything, I just try to stay focused on my breath—mostly because I’m a little afraid of what might come out of my mouth if I open it. But Declan is watching me, waiting for the next instruction, so I take one last deep breath and let it out slowly.

“That’s it for today,” I tell him, and he looks almost disappointed as he pushes himself up to his knees.

I stand up and head to the back wall to grab a towel and the sanitizer spray bottle. I kneel down to wipe my mat thoroughly before rolling it up and tucking it onto the storage shelf. Then I hurry to where my bag is lying beside his. I move to lift his bag out of the way, but I’m still so flustered that my hands are shaking a bit, and I accidentally drop one of the straps of his bag. A few things fall out of it, and I grimace.

“Shit, sorry!” I quickly pick up the things that fell and shove them back into his bag as Declan walks over, sliding his freshly cleaned mat onto the shelf beside mine.

“No worries.” He gives an easy shake of his head.

I hand him his bag, and we stand staring at each other for a suspended moment. The smoldering look in his eyes starts my heart pounding so hard again that I swear I’m going to pass out on the spot. Then he leans in, and before I register what’s happening, he plants a kiss on my cheek, and I feel my entire body freeze.

“Thanks for the lesson,” he adds as he pulls back from me.

I can’t find words, not even a simple you’re welcome .

All I can focus on is the burning brand his lips left on my cheek. Declan smiles at me again and gives a little nod, then slings his bag over one shoulder and heads for the door. But he pauses when he’s halfway outside to look back at me.

“See you again next week?”

“Yeah.” My voice comes out as a breathless whisper.

“Can’t wait.”

With that, he steps outside. As soon as the door closes behind him, air rushes back into my lungs like I’ve been in some sort of vacuum. I can’t remember the last time someone made me feel so heart-racingly off-kilter as he does, and I can’t help wondering if I’d still be feeling this way even if he hadn’t walked in on me touching myself to the thought of him—although that definitely didn’t help.

I watch him move across the parking lot to his bike where he lifts the seat to drop his bag into a storage compartment, then swings one leg over it. The powerful machine roars to life, and I know I shouldn’t be gawking at him like this where he’s bound to see it, but I can’t take my eyes off him until he disappears from the parking lot and roars out of view down the street.

Even after he’s gone, I stand rooted to the spot as every word he said to me echoes in my mind. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone see me the way Declan does—mostly because I won’t let them, even when sometimes I want to—and I don’t know exactly what it is about him, but there’s something so disarming about him. Something I can’t even explain or make sense of myself that makes me feel like he’s safe, like I can trust him with parts of myself I’d keep away from others.

I believe what he said about wanting more than just sex with me, but I can’t make up my mind how I feel about that.

On the one hand, it was a relief to hear, but on the other, it was terrifying in the best possible way. Things might be changing between Declan and me, but that doesn’t mean anything has changed about our circumstances. And that’s dangerous, because it’s getting harder and harder for me to resist him or to keep him at a safe distance—and I don’t think he’s going to stop trying.

Which means it’s only a matter of time before one or both of us gets caught.

Still in a daze, I scoop my bag up off the floor and do my final rounds of the studio, making sure everything is put away, then close and lock up on my way out. Somehow, I’m aware that it takes me way longer than usual to walk back to my apartment, but as I slide the key into the lock on the front door, I slide back into the moment and realize that I don’t remember a single second of the entire walk home. One second, I was stepping away from the studio, and the next I was home.

Inside, I set my bag down on the counter and jump when my phone starts ringing inside it. My heart hammers in my chest as I dig through my bag for my phone because some part of me is sure that it’s Declan calling, but as my fingers find it and flip the screen over, my heart sinks like a stone at the name on the screen.

“Hi, Aaron,” I answer, keeping my voice carefully neutral. I already know why he’s calling, but that doesn’t make this any easier.

“Hey! I’m kind of surprised you picked up. I figured you’d be busy with something.”

“You caught me at the right time. I just got home from the studio. What’s up?”

“Well, since our date ended so abruptly the other night, I was calling to see if you’d want to go out again sometime soon.”

I almost say yes before thinking about it, just like I normally would, but something stops me short. My heart flutters nervously in my chest and my stomach twists just from thinking about shooting him down, but this discomfort is nothing compared to what it would be like to sit through another dinner with him where he talks about nothing other than himself—and talks over me in the process.

“No, I don’t think so,” I say slowly.

“What? Why not?” Disappointment is clear in his voice, along with a hint of shock.

“I just… I don’t think I have the time for a relationship right now between school and everything else I have going on.”

Even as the words leave my mouth, I know they’re a lie… because my mind drifts immediately to Declan.

“Oh. Alright. Well, I guess you have my number if you change your mind. I, uh, I’ll talk to you later,” he says and ends the call without giving me the time to say goodbye. But that’s okay with me. I wasn’t really in the right headspace to talk to him in the first place, and I probably shouldn’t have answered the call.

I stare down at the phone still in my hand for a few seconds, almost unable to believe I told him no, before I set it down on the coffee table by the couch. Even after the terrible dinner I had with Aaron, I still almost crumbled and gave him another chance, but I’m so glad I didn’t.

That night wasn’t a total disaster, though. Because as painful as dinner with Aaron was, spending the rest of the night with Declan was something I won’t forget for a very long time.

I shiver at the memory of the way he kissed me, but I can’t get distracted with that again right now. To take my mind off it, I yank my bag off the counter and start to unpack it, but as I do, my brows furrow.

“What the…?”

I blink as I pull out a cellphone. It can’t be mine because mine is still sitting on the coffee table.

My heart skips a beat. This one must be Declan’s .

When I moved his bag away from mine and spilled his stuff everywhere, his phone must have fallen in my bag without either one of us noticing. And he left so quickly that he still might not even know it’s gone.

My pulse quickens as I stare at the little black device. Without overthinking it, I grab my keys. I need to return this to him—now, not later. And if that means I get to see him one more time tonight, well… I’m not complaining about that either.

I’m halfway to the door, already rehearsing what I’ll say when I find him, when a sharp knock makes me freeze. My heart skips a beat as I pull the door open.

Declan stands on my doorstep, his hair windblown from the motorcycle ride, his rich brown eyes locking onto mine.

“I think you have something of mine,” he begins, nodding toward the phone in my hand. “I realized it was missing when?—”

I don’t let him finish as all the tension I’ve been fighting inside myself crashes through my last defenses.

Instead, I throw my arms around his neck and press my lips to his.