Page 79 of Crash

“Save it.” The burning in my eyes had nothing to do with desire now. “I’m not some naive girl anymore, Blake. I don’t need you to let me down easily or make up excuses. This was just scratching an itch, right? Simple curiosity about what it would be like?”

My stomach clenched with pain and nausea, my heartbeat accelerating until I broke out in a cold sweat, and worse, my lungs felt like they couldn’t get enough air.

“Tessa—”

“Thanks for the orgasm,” I cut him off, my voice sharp enough to draw blood. “Now get out of my way. I have a bag to pack.”

I made it all the way to my bedroom before I vomited, this time shaking on the bathroom floor. It felt like all my symptoms came crashing back, all at once.

BLAKE

What had I done? Of all times to surrender to temptation, I’d done it right after Tessa had shared something incredibly intimate with me. What was wrong with my twisted head?

I shouldn’t have let that happen. Couldn’t let it happen again.

And not just because I was damaged, my edges too sharp from past breaks to risk cutting someone as precious as Tessa, who’d already been through enough. Not just because she deserved better than someone who’d stand frozen in the aftermath of her vulnerability, unable to be what she needed. But because now that I’d had a taste of her, letting myself indulge in that single, devastating moment, I knew with absolute certainty that I wouldn’t survive when she inevitably pulled away, leaving nothing but echoes and emptiness behind.

She’d explained why she’d done it two years ago, but that didn’t change that it had happened. And that it would happen again. This time at a catastrophic level.

Maybe if I’d never met my foster mom, Sarah, I’d have been reckless enough to take the chance with Tessa, but some lessons brand themselves too deep to forget, and I’d learned mine well. The higher you let yourself soar, the farther you had to fall.

And Tessa. She’d be like surviving a fall from the moon.

I needed to reconstruct the distance I’d fought to create between us after my calls had gone unanswered.

But first, I needed to convince her to stay.

Her life depended on it …

41

TESSA

“You’re not helping,” I said, methodically folding another shirt and placing it in my suitcase with precise, angry movements. Each fold felt like drawing a line between before and after, between friendship and whatever mess we’d created tonight.

Scarlett wandered along my bookshelf, trailing her fingers across the spines. I was glad we’d had plans tonight. It was convenient she’d shown up when she had because now I had someone to vent to.

“I’m sorry, but I find it completely swoon worthy that he came back with bloody knuckles, wanting to defend your honor.”

“You’re missing the point, Scarlett.” I slammed the latest shirt down harder than necessary.

“Oh, I heard the point.” A smile played at her lips. “Especially the part where you said it was the best orgasm of your life.”

Heat crept up my neck. Damn it. I had said that, hadn’t I? In the middle of my rage-fueled pacing session, those words had slipped out. Now they hung in the air like evidence. “Can we not?”

“Right.” Scarlett raised her hands in surrender. “The point. He hurt your feelings.”

“It’s more than that.” I yanked open another drawer, probably with more force than strictly necessary. “He?—”

“He’s a total dick.”

I shot her a look. “Don’t do that thing.”

“What thing?” Her innocence was too perfect to be real.

“That thing where you actually disagree with me, but say what I want to hear in this over-the-top way to point out how wrong I am.”

“I would never.” But her lips twitched.