Page 68 of Cowboy in Colorado
“I’ll take it.” He plucks a de-stemmed strawberry from the bowl and feeds it to me. “First guy in your condo, first boyfriend.”
“You’re the first of a lot of things.” I indicate my bedroom. “First guy I’ve ever been in bed with for anything but sex. First time I’ve ever crossed the boundaries of personal and professional. First person I’ve said I love you to. First guy I’ve ever slept with who’s met my father.”
“That’s a lot of firsts,” Will says. “Same for you, though.”
We’re demolishing the food while we talk; I eat a truffle, and speak around the mouthful of chocolate. “What all am I your first for?”
He sighs, thinking. “First girl who’s ever met my parents or Theo—shoot, first to meet Clint or any of the guys. First to ride with me. First to cross business and personal for me, too. First person I’ve said I love you to, or to say it to me. First girl I’ve ever slept with, meaning actually sleep. Definitely the first person to ever call me boyfriend.” He pauses. “Well, that’s only sort of true. Holly Buell was trotting around the county calling me her boyfriend, but I set her straight on that real fast.”
I laugh. “Sounds a bit like the one time I made the mistake of sleeping with someone from Dad’s office. He was a new intern, whom I knew was going to be fired fairly quickly due to overall ineptitude, and an ego far bigger than his abilities. But he was cute, and I was in the middle of a two-week dry spell, so I let his looks overrule my better sense.”
“Same reason I ever went within a country mile of Holly,” he says.
“Right, so you get it.” I laugh with a sigh. “He immediately bragged to half the office how he ‘drilled me’.” I use air quotes to emphasize the fact that that washisphrase. “And how he had me, and I quote, ‘begging for the D.”
Will’s eyebrow arches. “Lies, I’m guessing.”
“Complete horseshit. He lasted about four minutes, had zero foreplay game, and his attempts at dirty talk made me laugh so hard I had to stop.”
Will shakes his head. “Only losers brag about sex.” He snorts. “So, what happened with him?”
“I cornered him in the break room and verbally humiliated him—by telling the truth as I just told it to you—and then had him fired and blacklisted at every company in the city he could’ve possibly gotten a job with.”
Will winces. “Yikes. So don’t piss you off.”
I laugh. “Typically not a good idea, no. You may have noticed, but I kind of have a bit of a temper.” I roll a shoulder. “Last I heard of Bryce, he was temping as a janitor in St. Louis.”
Will smirks at me. “He still got to see you naked, so at least he’ll always have that.”
I bite my lip. “Actually, not entirely.”
He frowns. “What do you mean?”
I shrug, dragging my finger through the honey and then popping it into my mouth. “I have a policy of making a guy earn getting me totally naked. One orgasm per article of clothing. He only got my shirt and underwear off, so I was still dressed in a skirt and bra, because, as I said, he had no game. Wouldn’t know how to make a woman come even if he was given step by step instructions, with pictures. Totally clueless. Kind of guy who thinks because he’s got a nice face, decent abs, and an average cock, that all he has to do is show up and pump, and I’ll take care of the rest. Didn’t understand that he had to work for it.”
He stares at me, and I see his wheels turning. “For real? That’s how you do things, normally?”
I nod. “I’m telling you, Will—what happened in your cabin was highly, extraordinarily unusual for me. Ineverthrow myself at a guy like that,ever. Never strip for a guy. Never, ever. Ineverlet a guy put me on my back like you did. That position you had me in? Never, ever, in a million years, would I let anyoneeverfuck me like that, Will. Never.” I shake my head, still having trouble wrapping my head around the whole situation. “I’m a control freak. I like the power, need to know I’m in charge. A guy wants to be with me, he has to understand it happens onmyterms, and I lay those terms out in black and white before they get to put a finger on me. It’s always very tightly, strictly controlled.”
Will nods, but it’s a gesture ofI’m listening, rather than comprehension. “Why?”
I shrug. “I’m Brooklyn Bellanger. Any male in the five boroughs and most of New Jersey knows who I am, and that I’m a single, eligible young female. From the moment I hit puberty and started growing these puppies,” I cup my breasts and give them jiggle, “men of all ages have tried to con me, manipulate me, seduce me, bribe me, and use me in an attempt to get money from me or my father, or to get closer to my dad. I learned early on that I couldn’t trust men, that all they wanted was myassets, and I mean that both literally and metaphorically.”
He makes an unhappy face. “Never thought of that angle of things.”
I shrug. “It’s the reality of being the only daughter of Thomas Holden Bellanger, especially when you look like I do.” I sigh. “I wished all throughout my teenage years that I was either ugly or a man, because I wouldn’t have had to deal with what I did—if I had been ugly, men wouldn’t want me, and if I was a man, I could act however I wanted and get away with it because I was rich and influential. As a woman, I got judged for everything. If I tried to date a guy, the press was all over it, and that’s despite Dad doing everything he could to keep me out of the spotlight. How I dress, what I say, where I go, is judged differently because I’m a female, and one whom society deems attractive.”
He considers. “A lot I’ve never given a thought to.”
“Why would you?” I ask. “I don’t mean that as a jab, either. You’re a guy; it’s not something guys think about. Doesn’t affect you—you especially, growing up the way you did, on the ranch, outside, away from TVs and magazines and all that.”
“So all that led to you being super strict about sex.”
“I discovered pretty early on in my sex life that I’m a very…um…high-rev sort of person.” I shrug, waving a hand. “I need a lot of sex, frequently. Just how I am. But I’m also kind of high maintenance, just being truthful. The only way I ever found that allowed me to have sex frequently enough to satiate my needs was to set rules, to stay in control. Trust me, I tried things that you would call normal, without the rules. It never worked. If the guy thought he was in charge, it went haywire. They always ended up thinking things were something they weren’t, that I was someone they could manipulate or use. I had to set them straight from the get-go—I’m in charge. I’m in control. This happens the wayIwant it to, the wayIneed it to, and they’re either on board with that or I find someone else.”
At that moment, the bell rings again and Rachel brings in another two carts full of food—and god, did she deliver on my request for a stupid amount of comfort food.
When she’s gone and Will and I have had a few minutes to start eating, he addresses me again. “So, you and me—this is totally outside the norm for you, even just sexually speaking.”