Page 47 of Courting the Duke (Reimagined Regency #2)

The moment Hoxton entered the bird sanctuary, the tension riding his shoulders decreased. Serena had walked by his side as they took the path, but the silence hadn’t been uncomfortable. It was foolish of him and weak-willed to have allowed her statement to send him into a downward spiral.

Any conversation about his past was painful, and while he wanted to tell her things, the words couldn’t get past his lips.

The apprentice who saw to the birds was in the back of the room, where injured birds were kept by the fire.

Helen, the chicken they used to sit on the eggs, pecked the ground for loose bits of feed.

John looked up as they entered and nodded in greeting. He was a lad of few words and, like Hoxton and Mulligan, suffered from the trauma of his past. All had found salvation with the birds.

“How are they doing?” Serena asked.

“About as well as to be expected,” he said with a small smile. “I am afraid not much has changed since your visit earlier this morning.”

Hoxton looked at her, his brow lifted. It occurred to him as he stared at her blushing face that bringing him out here had nothing to do with the birds.

“I will admit that I have a vested interest in the birds. Especially this little one that I’ve decided to name Lucky,” she said.

“Lucky is a very fitting name.” Hoxton wasn’t sure whether he should be upset with her.

She was getting to know his habits rather well, and he hadn’t hidden the fact that the birds were a large part of his healing.

The fact that she was embracing them and trying to be part of his world warmed him more than anything else ever could.

“I thought so.” She went over to the little tyke and, using the knuckle of her finger, caressed his body with a gentle touch. The bird’s eyes were closed and would be for a while, but it seemed to sense the contact of another being and began to squawk. “It is very loud,” she said.

“He’s hungry, that’s a good sign.” Hoxton looked at John and nodded toward the door in a silent dismissal. He wanted privacy to speak with Serena. The younger man moved from his position at the large bench and exited without a word.

She continued her stroke of the bird. “He seems to be a man of few words.”

“He has spoken very little since we returned from the continent.” Like Hoxton, the younger man didn’t want to talk about his past, but Hoxton knew he needed to tell Serena a bit more so that he could make peace with her.

She glanced up, her mouth slightly parted, and her eyes wide. “He was a soldier as well?”

“Yes, he was. He decided to join when he was just a lad, and although it wasn’t intended that he ever see battle, battle found him.”

“That’s very unfortunate.” Her voice was low and full of sorrow. “He seems to like the birds well enough.”

“Yes, it would seem that they have gone a long way with helping many of us.” Hoxton moved to her side, drawn to her like a moth to a flame. As she continued to stroke the bird, he ran a finger along her soft jaw.

She looked up at him, raw hunger and vulnerability reflected in her gaze. “I can see that now. I always play when I am upset, and to me, music is my sanctuary.”

Her honesty cut straight into his core, and he nodded. “I heard you playing. Beautiful. It was beautiful.”

“I play several other instruments, but the pianoforte’s my favorite.

” The quivering in her voice revealed her vulnerability.

“Music was the one thing my aunt couldn’t take away from me.

Like a trained monkey, she often had me play for the family, and it was I who taught Roxanne how to play the pianoforte.

Both of us have an affinity for the instrument, although Roxanne plays it with less passion.

She is not fond of playing, but she learned because it was expected of her as a gently bred young lady. ”

“We all have expectations we must live up to, whether fair or not.” He continued his caress, lifting her chin with his thumb to dance his lips across her softer ones.

There was so much he wanted to say, and he wasn’t sure how to go about expressing everything in his heart.

He wasn’t one to be flowery in his speech, but he felt that he needed to be for her.

“I will once again apologize to you for not trusting you. And I will understand if you don’t forgive me for that. ”

“Once trust is lost, it’s hard to win back.” The softness disappeared, and hurt replaced it.

“I know that, and I’ll do whatever it takes to win that back.

I shouldn’t have doubted you, but you have not been without fault.

” Hoxton needed to bare all to her, every ugly truth.

He’d been numb for a long time, and she had brought him back from the brink of simply existing.

“You should have been honest with me about the letters. What I wrote to Roxanne was personal.”

“She insisted I read them.” The blush on her cheeks deepened, and she lowered her gaze. “You could have said no.”

“I could have, yes. But it wasn’t as easy as it sounds.

I will admit to wanting to read it because I wanted to find out more about you.

” Earnest eyes met his, and she straightened her shoulders, purpose in her stare.

A tear trailed down her face, and she brushed at it with her fingertip.

“But that wasn’t the reason why I did it.

You must understand, Roxanne had limited time in the morning to eat her one and only meal of the day.

She asked me to read the letter so she could finish her breakfast before her mother rose for the day. ”

“Are you telling me her mother starved her as well?” He wouldn’t put it past the woman.

“Yes. Aunt Agatha kept Roxanne on a tight leash. She had the servants spy on Roxanne and report back what she ordered to eat and when. Often, I sacrificed my meal for my cousin.” She closed her eyes before reopening them, the pupils glistening with strong emotion.

“The servants were under her thumb, and several of the senior staff, like the housekeeper Mrs. Smith, took great joy in reporting my every move to Aunt Agatha.”

“It is a good thing that Roxanne is staying with us.” His anger at both Roxanne and Serena deflated, and he caressed her damp cheek.

Using his thumb, he brushed another tear away.

It was partly his fault for not being honest with her about his past. And in hindsight, he should have known that Serena wrote the letters.

“I didn’t know until Daisy told me the story, and then I realized that the voice expressing those sentiments in the letters, was yours. ”

“Everything I said on Roxanne’s behalf was true.

My cousin is very complex, and as we’ve determined, more intelligent than we have given her credit for.

But she is shy, as am I. However, I suppose that is no excuse.

I am sorry that you felt betrayed that I wrote the letters on her behalf.

But I had a vested interest in you two making a match.

Any grand lady needs an assistant to help her with all the estate business.

I wanted to be that person for Roxanne.”

Recognition dawned, and he closed his eyes for a moment before he opened them again. “That’s what you meant about having higher aspirations.”

Brow furrowed, she stared at him. “I don’t follow.”

“In the folly, you told me that you had higher aspirations and that marrying me exceeded those. That is when I decided that I would seek out Blackstone and ask him outright.”

She moved away from him, a hardness about her jaw. “If Blackstone, out of spite, had confirmed that I was part of it, would you have believed him?”

“That’s the thing, no. I know you think I don’t trust you, and I should have stood up to my grandmother earlier, but every time I thought about confronting Blackstone, my mind screamed no.

While it doesn’t seem like I trusted you, deep down, I guess I did.

” The revelation was new to him. But he felt it with every inch of his own conviction.

“It still hurts.” She turned her head away so he couldn’t see her expression, and his own gut clenched. He’d thought they were making headway, but his admission set them back.

“I never meant to hurt you, Serena. I love you. I’ve been enamored with you since the moment you sang to Pretty Bird.”

She snapped her head around, her entire face lighting up with joy. “You love me?”

“I love you.” Hoxton meant every word of it. He wanted to sweep her into his arms, but he was afraid that she wouldn’t welcome the affection. He had hurt her deeply, and there was no getting around the fact.

Tears filled her eyes, and she threw herself into his arms. He caught her around the waist, drawing her in close. In her upturned face, he saw the start to a promising future. “I love you as well. I think I have since you caught me in the library singing to Rapscallion,” she said.

“Then why were you reluctant to accept my proposal?” The question had nagged at him since the day he’d asked for her hand. He assumed she thought the worst of him for the episode in the cave.

“Because Mrs. Smith was in the room with us.” She flattened her palm on his chest, her hands pale against the brown fabric.

“Aunt Agatha warned me that if she found out that I had designs on you, she would strip Brandon of his position. If I behaved with enthusiasm, Mrs. Smith would have told my aunt.”

Hoxton tilted her chin with his knuckle and stared deep into her eyes. Her admission cemented his own need to bare all. “Did you have designs on me?”

With a glowing smile, she said, “I was enamored from the first day I met you, and no matter what happens, I will always love you. Over time, I think that I can forgive you if you can forgive me.”

“You have nothing to be forgiven for.” He held her as close as possible, inhaling the floral scent of her perfume and the softness of her lovely form.

“I accused you of not trusting me, but the truth is, I didn’t trust you either. Not truly. If I had, I would have told you I loved you the moment I realized it, but I was too afraid.” She pressed kisses to his cheeks before she drew back again. “I am no longer afraid to say it. I love you.”

Slipping his fingers into the thick mass of her hair, he kissed her with all the passion in his heart.

There would be ups and downs in their marriage, and he might not be able to open up to her completely, but he would try.

She meant everything to him, and he wasn’t sure how he ever survived without her.

Their marriage might have started through deception and lies, but it would end with one simple truth.

They loved each other, and no matter what, they would get through it together.