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She watched Meryl laugh at something James whispered in her ear. sighed and pulled another onion ring off the tower in the middle of the table.

“Should we order real food?” Meryl asked, putting her arm around James.

It wasn’t that had a problem if Meryl and James started dating. She knew Meryl had a crush on James. It was probably the first personal thing had known about Meryl in years. She and Meryl were finally, after all this time, talking. Maybe because their mom had moved to Florida, maybe because had started dismantling some of her anger with a therapist, maybe because the three of them—, James, and Meryl—had some surprising friend chemistry, and James had a way of burring off the rough spots in any social situation.

Mainly, ’s problem was that she was feeling a way she hadn’t felt since she was a kid. Like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Their mother was chaotic, and had spent all of her resources—all of the time she might’ve done homework or impressed teachers or thought about college or dated—keeping Meryl safe. Making it so that Meryl thought she had a good mother. Making it so Meryl could do homework and impress teachers and go to college. And had pulled it off, even as she lost Meryl in the process, which hurt so fucking bad there were years it felt like she couldn’t breathe. And then their mom had dealt a blow Meryl couldn’t forgive, and hated that even more. Meryl should feel like she had a mom, even if didn’t. As far as that went, even their mother deserved to have at least a little part of what it felt like to be a good mom. did love her.

She’d been able to find Meryl again in the aftermath. They talked, and sometimes it was even easy. It was so good to think of what it might be like to relax and have the chance to be a sister .

Hence the near-constant sensation that it was all on the verge of breaking apart. Their mother’s gift to was to make her forever feel like nothing was going to work out.

She took a deep breath and made herself stay in this moment, the one where she was sharing beer and onion rings with her best friend and her sister. “Is there something you two aren’t telling me?”

James looked at , his eyes sparkling. “Meryl did confess to me about her feelings.”

“Hey!” Meryl lightly smacked him on the arm. “Don’t embarrass me.”

“And?” couldn’t help but join in laughing. James’s moods were infectious and almost always good, and Meryl was here. Right here. Gratitude , she reminded herself.

“It’s not that I’m not flattered.” James smiled at Meryl. “And my mother would be thrilled if I brought home an engineer. But I have a bit of news.”

“Tell her,” Meryl said.

“Tell me what?” laughed, but her stomach had gone cold and anxious, which was the problem with anxiety. News was always bad news.

“Well. It so happens that I met someone.”

had known James for years. He sounded excited. He was happy, and now that she really looked, he was a bit different . “You did?”

Though James was someone would describe, if she had to choose one word, as loving , he was reticent when it came to romance. She had been okay with it, if surprised, to think that he and Meryl might date, but now that he had made this announcement, realized he likely wouldn’t have dated Meryl unless he thought it was serious or he had really almost given up on finding love, because Meryl was ’s sister, and James knew how felt about her.

“I did,” James said. “A month ago, actually. Remember when I went to that fancy salon to get these vintage curls done?” He slid his hand over the style he’d been wearing, Jheri curls like his late father’s. James had wanted his hair cut to mimic what was usually done with a relaxer, and he’d found a stylist who was game to try it.

“We all do,” said. “You’ve been very into your hair.”

“Mm. The receptionist. Mary. That’s who I met. She’s fun, she’s sharp, she’s got common sense, she’s gorgeous, and, the most important thing, when I saw her, I knew. I just knew.” He gave and Meryl a little tip of his head.

put her hand over her mouth. Her eyes stung. This was what James had wanted. Meryl was grinning at , excited that James had shared his news.

“Mary,” said, trying the name out.

“Mary.” James rubbed his hands together. “So I was thinking, what if Mary and I and you and Meryl all went out next weekend? Of course, , you can bring the husband, if the good doctor can take a night off to party. I want to check out that new place, Speakeasy.”

looked at the two of them, and the knot in her stomach relaxed a little bit. Meryl was here, she reminded herself. James had gotten something he’d always wanted.

“Absolutely,” said, picking up her pint of beer. “To new friends.”