Page 64 of Coming Home

The driver can’t possibly see me, not in the fog, and probably spots the car on the track at the same time as another arrives on the opposite side of the barrier. I can only imagine the horror of the man who has leapt from his vehicle but I know exactly what he is about to see.

There is a screech of brakes as the train driver valiantly tries to slow the train, wheels spinning backwards and the noise of steel straining against steel is etched into my brain like nails on a blackboard, a needle scraping a groove across a record.

The freight engine appears from the fog, looming like a growling ogre, swelling with every inch. Yellow startled eyes glow brighter and as it nears I glimpse the shape of the driver trapped behind the dirty glass, waiting for the impact he knows will come.

I cannot look at the car, I dare not, so I turn my back on the breath of diesel fumes and the smell of grinding metal that invades my nose, making it hard to breathe. And then it happens. The voice at the end of the phone line can’t hear mine and I can’t hear the voice, not over the booming moment of impact and metal hitting metal.

The train carries on, still not at a halt and then it slows gradually and the screeching stops. I can’t see on the other side of the train, to the innocent bystander or where Sebastian’s car would be, or what’s left of it. I hear a voice saying, ‘Hello, is anyone there?’And I watch as two men jump from the train cab and stagger onto the tracks, one supporting the other, who I imagine is in shock.

I remain where I am until the train men have reached my side, saying things I can’t comprehend as I stare blankly ahead, saying nothing. Instead, I think of my children and amidst a scene of carnage, I know it’s going to be all right.

Appleton Farm is safe. No more bruises for me or Rosina. My unborn baby will never know its father’s hate. Violetta won’t be that little girl who waits and waits, always wondering when her daddy is coming home.

I made the right decision. For all of us. He is gone.

THE END