Page 8 of Cold Foot Croc (Wreck’s Mountains #3)

What was this feeling?

As Raynah watched Garret push through his Change, this strange sensation pushed through her.

It wasn’t just pride for him…it was a feeling for herself as well. She’d seen herself as destruction for so long when she was in prison, and then wallowed in confusion after, but here, in this moment, she was proud of not only Garret, but of herself.

She’d come out here with good intentions, and she felt like she was helping.

She was improving his future. She was taking pain away from him.

Raynah didn’t have to be destruction. She could heal something that had been broken.

That realization sat in her chest as she watched his Change take only a few minutes. She pulled her shirt over her cold skin as he pushed upward out of the snow.

“Good bear, going easy on him now,” she said softly as he shook his fur out, likely ridding himself of the rest of the tingles that would be prickling his skin right now.

Garret was enormous in this form, with a thick coat for winter. He had powerful shoulders, and paws bigger than her head. Six-inch curved, dagger-like claws dug into the snow as he headed for her.

His movement wasn’t a charge, and it wasn’t aggressive. Just to be careful, she sank down on her knees in the snow and exposed her neck to him. She wasn’t a threat to him.

As his big nose touched the side of her throat, she closed her eyes and reminded her body to stay relaxed, and her heart to beat slow. She trusted him. He’d helped her before. The bear would know her, she just believed it.

He wasn’t bad. The bear had just been born to a world he didn’t understand, and no one had been there to teach him. Someday, she would find his Maker and she would punish him for what he’d done, but today, she just wanted to appreciate this moment of improvement for Garret’s quality of life, and feel happy that she had been a small part of it.

No matter where they ended up, she’d made a positive impact on someone she cared about. He would be happier now. He would hurt less, and overthink less, and dread the Change less.

She wished she could tell her mom about this.

The bear eased back and then pressed his nose against her forearms, cradling her belly protectively.

She allowed a smile as she slowly slid her arms away, exposing her stomach to him. He froze there, his big block head eclipsing the rest of the world from her. Inside of her, the baby moved, and the bear angled his head to the side and rubbed her belly gently, like a cat scent-marking her.

“Are you going to keep us safe?” she asked low as she looked up to meet his eyes.

Garret’s eyes were blazing that stunning teal color, and it looked even brighter surrounded by his dark-brown fur. His eyes stayed so soft on her.

He circled her once, twice, and then laid his monstrous body next to her in the snow and looked out at the trees.

Raynah stretched her fingertips out to him and rested her hand gently against his coarse fur. Chills rippled up her arms at the gravity of this moment. He radiated warmth. As he turned his massive head toward her, she dared to scoot closer, then rested her shoulder against him.

He was like a furnace, and her skin warmed. Slowly, she rested her head against his side, making sure to keep her body relaxed.

A low rumble emanated from Garret, but it wasn’t a growl. He seemed to be making the noise on his exhale. His body was relaxing next to her, and Raynah smiled at the woods. When he looked over his shoulder at her again, she smiled at him. “I knew you were good.”

The rumbling sound picked up and vibrated through her body.

His Change back was sudden, and shocking. One moment she’d been leaned completely against him, and the next she was pitching to the side with a squawk of surprise. And in moments, Garret was in his human form, on his hands and knees, face winced in pain.

“Oh my gosh,” she uttered on a breath. Raynah struggled to her feet and strode for his discarded clothes that were still piled several yards away.

Garret muttered a curse and sat back on his bent knees, head aimed for the sky, his Adam’s apple on display. “That was intense,” he whispered.

“You did so good. You did so good!” she exclaimed as she gathered his clothes with fumbling fingers.

“I did it,” he said in a hushed tone, his bright, glowing teal eyes boring into hers. The smile sat on his lips so subtly.

“You freaking did it!”

He stood in a blur, and caught her in a kiss that shocked her to her bones.

His arms were gentle but firm around her, and as she unfroze and melted into him, he angled her to the side to let the pressure off her stomach. Oh, she loved this. Loved this comfortability with a man. It had been so damn long since she’d just felt…safe.

He ended the kiss and eased back, searched her eyes, and shook his head. “I never thought a Change would be like that. You touched me. You touched my fur. I could tell. I was there. I was present.”

She brushed her fingertips down the two-day scruff on his chiseled jaw and smiled. “It’ll get better and better.”

“I could Change again. I could do it if you asked me to.”

“Yeah?”

He nodded jerkily. “Yeah, I really could. I think I can do it again.”

“Do it one more time, and then we’ll feed you again.”

“I can do this.” There was this heart-wrenching hope in his voice. He wasn’t confident yet, and she longed for that for him, but he was hopeful, and hope was the beginning of everything meaningful.

Garret rushed to grab her jacket, and dusted the snow off it before he slid it over her shoulders. She’d never had someone think of her comfort so much before. He was a gentleman, and she wondered about the way he grew up. Did he have sisters? He learned to be caring for women from somewhere.

He turned and strode away, and she couldn’t help a glance at his ass. Look, she was a shifter. Nudity was the norm, and she’d never cared about what people looked like before or after a Change, but Garret’s Changes made his muscles taut, and made the veins in his arms and biceps pop. His abs were chiseled like she’d never seen on a man. His dick was thick and at half-mast, and was a thing of masculine beauty, which made no damn sense because it was cold out here. He looked like a demigod walking the earth, and it was her he kept looking at over his shoulder with an excited smile.

“Come on,” he murmured to himself. “We can do this.”

A long, low vibration rattled through her entire body as she watched him Change even faster than the last time. Her crocodile was watching. She was here. God, she missed her. “It’ll be our turn soon,” she promised the animal, sliding her hands protectively over her belly. They just had to get this baby to air first.

Soon, she whispered again in her mind as Garret stood on all fours. Goodness, his bear looked even bigger this time. He really was a massive bruin, and she wondered again about his Maker.

Sasha and Timber were polar bear shifters, but they weren’t as big as Garret’s grizzly. Usually it was the other way around. Polar bears were usually bigger in the shifter world.

The bear paced into the woods, and when he turned back for her, he charged.

With a gasp, Raynah stumbled backward, but a popping sound rippled through the air as Garret Changed back, skidding to a stop in his human form just a few feet away from her.

His grin was contagious. He looked down at his hands and clenched them into fists. The muscles of his arms were shredded, and his vascularity was improving with each Change, as if he’d just had an intense workout.

When he looked up from his fists, his teeth were still sharp in his smile, and he smelled like fur and dominance.

“Having fun?” she asked.

“Yes. Yes, I am having fun!” he crowed, his voice echoing through the forest. His voice was still gravelly, and didn’t sound human yet. “I can see and hear everything right now.”

“Your senses are bigger always, but they will be ramped up even more for a few hours before and after a purposeful Change.”

“And if it’s a not-purposeful Change?”

“Then you’ll have heightened senses for a few hours after. It’s one of the gifts the bear can give you.”

“I don’t think I would’ve learned all this without you,” he said, excitement zinging through his tone like electricity.

“Well, you should’ve learned this like, day-freaking-one from your Maker. A Maker has a responsibility if he Turns a human.”

“You can be my honorary Maker,” he said.

Pop!

She startled hard at the explosive sound and looked behind her. Garret had Changed into his bear again and was bucking around in the snow, making growling sounds each time his front paws hit the cold ground. He was having fun.

She giggled and shook her head, then picked up her pace again. She was getting cold.

Pop! Now he was back to human and jogging to catch up to her, bare-ass naked.

“I’m not your Maker. I can’t even Turn a human. Crocs are different than bear shifters. We just kill. We don’t save. I am total destruction.”

“Destruction these nuts,” he mumbled right before… Pop!

“Oh my gosh,” she laughed as his bear went charging past her through the trees.

Pop!

“I can do it really fast now,” he called from up ahead, both hands covering his dick.

She could feel the joy coming off him. It was filling up the woods, filling up her head, filling up her soul.

“Watch this,” he said, and then, Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop!

He exploded from one form to the other, posing each time he was human. In his human skin once again, he looked down at his body and belted out a laugh. “Want to see me do it again?”

“You need to eat,” she assured him through an amused grin.

Pop! Pop! “Ooooh, I don’t feel so good,” he groaned, pitching forward onto his knees in the snow.

“Food will fix it,” she told him. “You spend a lot of energy Changing. More than you realize.”

“I might be dying,” he said, lying in the snow like a starfish.

She couldn’t stop giggling when he was like this. “You’re being very dramatic.”

“Can’t feel my skin.”

“Probably because you don’t believe in wearing jackets.”

“Sky…going…dark.”

She would take him more seriously if he wasn’t trying not to laugh.

“Your dick is going to get frostbite.”

“Wait, what?” he demanded, sitting up. “Is that a thing?” He was looking down at himself, all worried, and she couldn’t stop laughing now.

Raynah doubled over with it. “I’m going to pee my pants.”

“Oh no. What do we do?”

“Stop making me laugh! The baby is pushing on my bladder.”

“Billy-Jack, stop torturing your mother.”

“His name is not Billy-Jack,” she said, trying so hard to control her laughter.

“I have arguments for why his name should be Billy-Jack,” he said as she caught up.

“Let me guess. You know someone named Billy from high school, and he was super cool and won lots of fights and he was your idol growing up, and Jack because he’s a jackal.”

“Nope. Maybe I’m naming him after billy goats which are very nimble and quick, and Jack in the Box, which is inarguably the best fast-food restaurant in the entire universe.”

“Jack in the Box is?” she asked, wiping laughter-tears from the corners of her eyes.

“Uuuh, yeah. Have you ever had their tacos?”

“I have not.”

He clicked his teeth, and then pressed his hands over his chiseled six-pack as his stomach growled. “I would do filthy things for a dozen J in the B tacos right now.”

“I haven’t seen one in Darby.”

“Nope, the closest one is in Missoula. We’ll have to take a trip out there. I’ll blow your mind with that cuisine, and then you’ll be begging me to do…you know…”

She stopped in her tracks. “Do what?” Oh my gosh, he’s blushing.

Garret turned and covered his dick with his hands again, shifted his weight uncomfortably, and wouldn’t meet her eyes. “You know. What you said earlier.”

“Say it.”

“Come on your titties. Look, I’m not trying to be a perv, you said it first. I just…can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve never heard a woman talk like that before.”

“Do you like it or dislike it?” she asked, curious.

“Really like it. Ten stars. Would recommend. Talk filthy anytime you want.”

He was acting so shy. “How long has it been for you?”

“Since I had Jack in the B?”

“Since you’ve been with anyone?”

He pursed his lips, tilted his chin up, and looked her in the eye. Right now, the glowing teal in his was so bright. “Never in this body. The girl in the picture was the last time, and I was human.”

Her mouth fell open. “You’re like a virgin.”

He laughed and shook his head, slung an arm over her shoulder. “Not on purpose. I just didn’t want to hurt anyone. That, and there hasn’t been anyone interesting since my ex. Farrah doesn’t count. She wasn’t real.”

“How long were you and your ex together?”

“Four years.”

“Why did it end?” she asked softly, holding onto the wrist he rested on her shoulder as they walked.

“I wanted more than her. I was ready to settle down. I wanted the kids, the house, the picket fence, the neighborhood watch parties, all of it. I wanted what my parents had. She wasn’t there yet. Not with me.”

“You were a steady boy, weren’t you?”

“Before the bear? Yeah. I guess I was.”

Raynah rested her cheek against his ribs. “I think we grew up very differently.”

“I want to know about it.” His stomach growled again, and she leaned her cheek the other way and pressed a kiss to his wrist.

“Someday I’ll tell you about it.”

The smile faded from his lips as he looked down at her, and she knew he could hear the lie in her tone.

“Why not tell me about it now?” he asked. “Was it bad?”

She inhaled deeply and wished none of this had been brought up. She didn’t like the memories. “No, it was the opposite. It was very, very good, but I can’t go back, and I can’t fix it, and I’ll never see my old life again. It’s not fun to talk about it. I just want to laugh, you know? After everything, I just want to laugh.”

“Laugh until you almost pee your pants?” he asked, and bless that man, he’d allowed his smile to return.

“I don’t even remember the last time I laughed like that.”

“Best laugh in the world. I wish I had that on video so I can go back and listen on a bad day.”

“Really?” she asked, absolutely touched to her heart. She’d never given a thought to the way she laughed, but he was giving her this unexpected compliment that warmed her from the inside out.

“Really.”

“I like your laugh too.”

He stopped them at the edge of the campsite and faced her, then took his clothes from her arms. “I think sometime you should tell me about the good parts you miss. It would be a tragedy to keep those to yourself.”

“Maybe I’m protective of those memories.”

“And maybe you will love them even more if you see someone else care for those memories.”

She smiled sadly at him. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

His brows drew down in a slight frown, as if he didn’t understand, but that was okay.

“You have high walls,” he said as he moved toward the fire, which had gone low and was more smoke than flame.

Raynah pulled her jacket tighter around herself. “What do you mean?”

“I bet you built those walls in Cold Foot, where you had to always be tough, and it’s scary to let someone see behind them.”

“I’m not scared of anything,” she said defensively.

“Oh, you’re a badass, Raynah,” he said seriously, meeting her eyes over the fire. “No one can question that. I can feel your toughness. I bet humans, with their dulled senses, could tell you’re tough without even talking to you. But from one wall-builder to another, it’s scary as hell giving someone else power over the things you’re protective of, and that’s what it is, right? Talking about it and letting someone in is giving them power.” He gestured to her belly. “You already had to give power up to someone who didn’t deserve it, I bet.” He got up and dug through a big red cooler. “I’m not him though. You’ll learn that over time, and then I will scare you less, just like you aren’t Farrah, and over time you will scare me less.”

“I’m…” Raynah frowned, baffled by just how deep Garret could be. “I’m not scared of you.” But even she could hear the uncertainty in her voice. Was she? Not physically, no, but was she scared of growing close to him?

That felt right. It felt accurate.

“You can tell me when you’re ready,” he said, gathering ingredients for a sandwich.

Consumed with her thoughts, she sank into the camp chair and watched him prepare food, half in this world, and half in a maze of memories of her old life before Cold Foot.

He handed her a plate with a sandwich and a bag of chips, and then went to making his own. She sat there frozen, holding the food. He had to be starving after all those rapid-fire Changes, but he’d taken care of her first.

Her gaze drifted up to him. He had gooseflesh across his skin as he worked on the meal for himself.

Raynah stood and set her plate down in her seat, then grabbed his sweater and pulled it over his head. He knew immediately what she was doing and helped, pushing his arms through the sleeves and standing to his full height to pull the hem down over his abs. He pulled on his jeans next, and gave her the softest smile as she held his jacket open for him.

“I bet Billy-Jack will never leave the house without his jacket.”

She snorted. “And probably ski bibs, and three pairs of socks, and snow boots. I’m scared,” she said suddenly. “I mean, I am scared. I’m…I’m…”

He watched her struggle to find the words for a few seconds, and then he murmured, “It’s okay. Everything is okay.”

“You are right, I might be scared to be close to you, but I’m more scared of other things.”

“Of people? Of someone specifically? Of who?” he demanded, his voice going gritty. The air got heavier, and he looked around the woods.

She understood that instinct. She’d been like that when her mom was vulnerable, back when she was younger. “My mom couldn’t have kids of her own. She tried with her husband for a long time, and then eventually she became open to adoption. She didn’t mind that I was a shifter. She even went to special classes to help her navigate raising me. Her husband was excited at first, because it meant they didn’t have to try anymore for their own baby, and I think that time in their marriage had taken a toll on them. So when they got me at age four, they were so happy in the beginning. But my mom fell in love with being a mom, and my adoptive dad fell in love with his secretary. Cliché, I know. They were separated by the time I was six, and for a long time, it was me and my mom against the world, you know? I wasn’t really her child, but she treated me like I was. She was phenomenal, but she still was open with her heartbreak over not being able to carry a child. She dated but nothing stuck, and eventually she adopted another shifter—a boy. He was my little brother, even though we weren’t really related by blood or anything. He’s a crocodile too, and that was her request. She understood raising one because she’d had me to kind of teach her. She has a heart of gold. She’s one of those truly good people that the world needs more of.”

“What happened to her?”

“She’s still alive.” Raynah’s throat was all thick, and she had to swallow hard before she continued. “She just won’t ever talk to me again.”

“Why not?”

“Because I took the man she loved away from her.”

Garret’s eyebrows lowered over his bright eyes. “But Harold hurt her.”

“Abuse is confusing. For me, it was black-and-white. I watched him hurt her, and it happened more and more. This anger grew inside of me, getting bigger and bigger, poisoning my crocodile. She would call me hurt, and I would rush over there, and it was police, and making plans and trying to convince her to press charges, or geta restraining order…anything. And then he would be released and love-bomb her the next day. My mom would want me to go back to my place, give them some space to figure things out. She would get protective over him if I was yelling at him, calling him on his bullshit, and then it would be me fighting for what? For my mom to press charges on someone she was protecting? She would listen to him, and he would convince her I was causing more of their problems, and that the tension I brought into the house was part of the reason he kept losing it on her. They would band together and make me the villain, because that’s what he had to do to manipulate her. He had to keep her separated from me, because I was the threat to his way of life. He would buy her all this shit. Jewelry and flowers. Took her to fancy dinners when her face wasn’t bruised. You know, when he would wail on her, he wasn’t even a drunk? He just liked having physical control over her, and didn’t want to learn self-control or how to manage his anger. I was watching her wilt like some dying flower, and she clung to him tighter and tighter, just saying how he was promising he would get better. I didn’t understand, and my brother didn’t know what to do either.” Raynah inhaled deeply in an attempt to combat the growing panic that flared in her chest.

“It’s okay,” Garret murmured, leading her back to her chair. He settled her into it and tucked a discarded sweatshirt over her lap. “You can tell me anything, and I won’t tell anyone. Not even my brother.” He frowned and looked around, then stood, scanning the campsite. “Wait, where is Dylan? Where’s my truck?” He made his way to the tent and threw the flap open, then returned. “He left. He took his stuff, and my truck, and left.”

She reached out and squeezed his hand. “He’s trusting you and your bear.”

He cocked his head and brushed a fingertip across her cheek. “What happened?”

She pursed her lips, wishing he would’ve stayed distracted and forgotten she hadn’t finished the story. “I knew I was going to kill him, Garret.” She inhaled a hiss and dropped her gaze to her lap as her eyes rimmed with burning tears. “You should know that about me. I knew I would do it months before it happened. I just needed him to hurt her bad enough that it snapped my animal, and I knew how I would do it. I am a murderer,” she said. “You should know that, and understand it. I’m not a good person, and everything that happened to me after that, I deserved it.”

“Stop.”

“No. You wanted to see behind the walls, and that’s the story that’s written in those bricks. I deserved it.” She lifted her eyes to him. “My mom was shattered,” she whispered brokenly. A tear streamed down to her cheek, and angry at it, she wiped it away as fast as she could. “She really loved Harold. When she found out I killed him, she lost it—face all bruised, eyes swollen, lip busted, bruises on her arms—and she was crying for him, and cursing me. I had known it might be like that, but seeing it was different. To me, she would never be hurt again, and my brother would be allowed to come around the house again, and my family would be okay, but in her eyes I took away the man she was convinced was her soulmate. And you know, I had a lot of time to think while I was in Cold Foot Prison. Two years, you know? And the year before that just waiting on my trial. I had to come to terms with the wrong I did. I called my mom from prison a bunch of times, but it was a landline and it would just go to voicemail. As soon as they put me in the breeding program, my phone privileges were gone. They couldn’t risk me telling anyone what was happening to me. I thought about it so much, and I understand why she never contacted me, or picked up my calls. She was supposed to be the one to get strong enough to leave, and I forced it. I took that from her. I had good intentions for her, but bad for the man she loved, and she couldn’t get past it. She couldn’t forgive me. She never will.”

“How do you know?”

“My brother wrote me a letter a couple weeks after I was sent to Cold Foot. He said their goodbyes. I must’ve read that letter a hundred times the week I got it.” She shrugged her shoulders up to her ears. “My access to the outside world was completely cut when I was put on the roster as a breeder.”

“What’s a breeder?” he asked, storm clouds in his eyes.

“They paired me up with another shifter. I didn’t have a choice, and neither did he.”

“Oh my God,” he said. He paced away and hooked his hands on his hips, stared out at the woods. “Did he force you?”

She shrugged again, uncomfortable in her own skin when she thought about what all had happened. “I don’t know.”

He flashed her a glowing look over his shoulder. His eyes were sparking with fury. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I didn’t want to, so I refused to fuck. So they threatened me, and that didn’t work either. I was fighting it, and then they put this gas in the vents that took everything out of either of our control—” she gasped at the memory, and closed her eyes tight, trying to think of anything else. “I didn’t want to, but the gas in there had me begging for it. What do you even call that? I was unwilling, but I was willing? Either way, all I feel is shame. It took the first time, thank God. I’d had this huge thought in my head growing up that the worst thing that could happen to me was what happened to my mom, and I wouldn’t be able to have a child for some reason. I just saw her hurt over it, and how it destroyed her marriage, and I was scared of that for me, you know? And then I got pregnant right away. And I was so stupid, Garret. I was so stupid.”

He closed the distance between them and knelt in front of her, held both of her cold hands in his warm ones. “You’re not stupid.”

“I thought I was going to be allowed to keep the baby, and raise it. I was growing this little baby, and I was so happy, you know? Cold Foot was brutal, but the breeders are kept out of the violence, and fed better, and treated better. Until the baby arrived.” Another tear streamed down her cheek.

Garret glanced down at her stomach, and then back up at her, and she could tell he was putting it all together. “This isn’t your first baby?”

She bit her bottom lip to hide the tremble there, and then shook her head. “It’s my second.”

His nostrils flared as he searched her eyes with equal parts rage, and horror. “What happened to the baby, Raynah?”

She shook her head and then buried her face in her hands, wishing so hard that she could get the vision of the day she escaped prison out of her mind. She dragged a hitching breath in and just said it. Just unleashed it onto this poor man. “The baby came early. Didn’t hear a cry. Prison doc took it, and that was that. I lost my mind. Just lost it, and needed my animal. I wanted to kill everyone. I didn’t know exactly what happened until later. They bred me again almost immediately, this time to a jackal who was crazy. And no, I don’t want to talk about the how or the why. Not ever. This one was less kind. He liked being a breeder. It took longer for this baby to take. Katrina had been moved into my cell by then, and I was leaning so heavily on her for support. I knew they wouldn’t let me keep this one either, so it was this heartbreaking thing to be growing a baby that I couldn’t protect. I got pregnant after a couple months, but I felt helpless. Every day was filled with fear over the future. And in the back of my head, I was thinking I deserved it, right? It was karma getting me after what I’d done. But it didn’t feel fair that this baby was going to have to pay for my sins.” She heaved a sigh and slowed down her words. “And then Wreck came for us. He and the Fastlanders and Damon Daye came to save a few of the shifters in the prison, and one of them was Katrina, and she wouldn’t leave me behind. When I was escaping Cold Foot, Katrina kept dragging us deeper into the belly of the prison, just convinced she knew a way out. She’d been a breeder too. She’d been King’s breeding partner. They’d been paired, and he’d told her how to escape through this vent in the breeding room. We damn-near burned alive getting out, but we landed in this room with all these science experiments, and I saw her.”

“Her?”

Chills rippled up her arms. Was she going to say it? Was she going to finally talk about this out loud? Was she finally going to unburden herself? “Little premature baby girl with a crocodile tail, preserved.” The last word barely came out a squeak.

“Oh my fuck,” he uttered in the most broken voice she’d ever heard on a man. He rested his head in her lap and wrapped his arms around her back, just held there as she gripped the back of his hair and cried.

Garret moved his cheek to the swell of her belly, dragged his hands to the sides of her stomach, and just held the curve there. He rubbed his facial scruff back and forth on it. She could see his dark lashes were damp, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes, and she got it. She didn’t want him to see her like this either.

“So you see,” she whispered, “I’m scared something will happen to take this baby away from me too, because it’s what I deserve.”

And that man dragged her off that chair and held her in his lap, tight against his chest as he rocked her gently in the snow. “You’re wrong, Raynah. You’re wrong. You don’t deserve what’s been done. Your mom didn’t deserve it, and you did good protecting her. Even if she stays mad, she’s safe. You made her safe. Fuck that guy. You made the world better by taking him from it.”

“I’ll never get to go back to the happy childhood—”

“And it’s awful. It’s awful, Raynah. That’s the part you mourn. Not your decision to keep your family safe. You did right by them. You paid your pound of flesh. You were punished beyond fairness. This baby will be that rainbow at the end of a storm.” He eased back and cupped her cheek, searched her eyes with such intensity. “No one will take this baby from you. No one will hurt you again. You’re safe, and your baby is safe, do you hear me?” Truth, truth, truth, and she was breaking down all over again because God, it was so beautiful to hear the truth in words like those after everything she’d been through.

“I’m scared to even get anything for the baby,” she said, pouring it all out now.

“That’s understandable.”

“It feels like I’m going to jinx it if I get excited for life with him.”

“Understandable.”

“I don’t like my home because it’s too big, and it’s unfamiliar, and I feel like I deserve the prison cell.”

“You don’t. We have to fix your feelings on your home so the baby knows what home is, okay?”

“I got a lot of money.”

“What?”

“For what happened to me in the breeding program. Damon went after the prison and got big settlements for all of us. It happened really fast. They dumped money on us to keep us quiet. Mine is a stupid amount of money that I’ll never touch. Well I put a down payment on my truck so I could travel to my job, but other than that, I won’t touch it. I am saving up to pay back what I took out.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s money that’s supposed to take away the pain of that little baby with the crocodile tail, but she’s worth more. And that would’ve never happened if I wouldn’t have done what I did. It’s money for my daughter, and I don’t want it.” She sniffed and wiped her wet cheeks. “I guess I’m a mess, huh?”

“Yeah,” he agreed softly, “but I’m not scared of messy. I’m scared of walls.”

A smile shouldn’t exist in a moment like this, but one stretched her face as she looked up at him with such hope in her heart. That’s what he’d wanted? Just for her to open up? It didn’t matter how fucked up it all was?

He saw her ugly damage, and was still looking at her like she was beautiful?

Garret leaned down and kissed her lips. It wasn’t some perfect movie kiss. It was tear-stained cheeks, and open hearts, and a rawness to both of their souls, as if they’d just really seen each other for the first time.

It was a kiss that said, I’m not running.

It was an emotionally-charged declaration that he didn’t mind reading the story she’d carved on the walls she’d built to keep the world out.

It was an I-still-see-the-good-in-you kiss, and for Raynah, it was the biggest moment of her life thus far.

She could see Garret so clearly too, and there was nothing but good in that man.