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9

“TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL THINE HEART; AND LEAN NOT UNTO THINE OWN UNDERSTANDING.” —PROVERBS 3:5

S ydney clutched her raincoat and looked out the office window at the pouring rain. It had started as a drizzling mist that turned into a downpour later in the day. In Texas the storm would have blown in and out in a matter of hours, but here the mountains sometimes held the clouds for days.

The day had dragged by. Sydney did her best to concentrate on her work, but her mind kept returning to the journal locked in her secretary. She reached to make sure the key was still attached to its chain. Tonight would be a good night to go home and curl up with a hot cup of chicken noodle soup, but she had another stop to make first—her grandmother’s house. After that she would have the rest of the night to research the safety files. That is, if she could ever get them from Barb. She’d already asked Barb for them several times. Sydney squared her shoulders. Time to bring this little charade to a head. She had a job to do and was tired of tiptoeing around Barb.

She walked up to the front and stood by Barb’s desk. “It doesn’t look like this rain’s going to let up. I think I’ll make a mad dash for the car. By the way, have you had time to retrieve those files?”

Barb raised an eyebrow.

Sydney wished she could read Barb’s thoughts. Then again, maybe she didn’t want to know. She was probably hoping that Sydney would get so fed up of the headaches that she would leave the mill with her tail tucked between her legs. What was it going to take for Barb to take her seriously?

“I told you that I’d get to that when I can. Do you think that’s all I have to do?”

Sydney looked Barb square in the eye. “Let’s get one thing straight. I have a job to do, and I’m going to do it. You can either get on board with the rest of the team or you can get your purse and keep on walking, right out the door.”

Barb just looked up at Sydney.

“I can promise you one thing. If you don’t have those files on my desk by tomorrow morning, I’m writing a letter to Sean and sending a copy of it to Jake Roberts.”

Sydney didn’t wait for a response. She turned her back on Barb and headed out the door into the rain.

If Sydney ever wondered what type of reception she would get from her grandmother, she didn’t have to wait long for an answer. She knocked once before the door opened, and she found herself being held in a tight embrace.

“I’m so glad you didn’t wait long to come back. Come inside and take off that wet raincoat. You’ll catch your death.”

“Thank you,” Sydney said, shaking off a shiver. Even though it was July, the rain brought a chill to the humid air.

“Come in the kitchen, and I’ll make us a cup of herbal tea. Do you like herbal tea?”

A smile played around the corners of Sydney’s lips. “It’s my favorite.”

Sydney watched her grandmother move skillfully around the cozy kitchen. Her sage-colored silk blouse and beige linen pants complemented the color of her kitchen. The walls were done in a soft butter hue that gave the hint of gold in certain light. It was the perfect backdrop for the bare maple cabinets. Subtle earth-tone tiles covered the floor and countertops. Glass canisters, filled with rice and assortments of beans, lined the counter top. It reminded Sydney of her dad’s workshop. Sydney’s mom was always kidding her dad about being organized like Stella.

Sydney walked over to the double French doors that led off the kitchen to a bricked patio. She noticed a jasmine vine twining plentifully up the wooden trellis. She watched water pour from the gutters, leaving puddles on the ground. Her gaze moved further. The two oaks were still there, their supple branches swaying back and forth, holding their own against the wind and rain. And then there was the persimmon tree, its branches more brittle and gnarly. Possibly the trees were bigger than she remembered, but she couldn’t tell for sure. She’d played in that very grass. Those trees had been her trees, her domain to explore. It seemed weird to think that this garden had been here the whole time she’d been away. She’d been through so much and it looked untouched, almost as though she’d left it only yesterday.

She tried to picture Avery in the garden. He’d been here in this house. Maybe he’d stood in this very spot.

Stella gently touched her arm. “Here’s your tea. Let’s go to the living room. We have much to talk about.”

Sydney sipped her tea. It was hard to know where to begin. She cleared her throat and looked at Stella’s intelligent green eyes. “Could I ask you a question?”

Stella put her cup of herbal tea on the mahogany table. “Of course. I’ll answer any questions you have, if I can.”

Sydney swallowed hard. Only her shaky hands portrayed the tumultuous emotions that were churning inside. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, demanding to know why her grandmother hadn’t contacted her during all of those years when it would have been so important. “Why didn’t you write to me?”

Rather than answering, Stella rose from the sofa and walked out of the room. A moment later, she returned, carrying a stack of letters. She sat beside Sydney. “These are for you.”

Sydney put down her cup and ran her hand over the stack of unopened letters in her lap, each of them stamped return to sender.

“But why?”

“Judith sent them back.”

Sydney shook her head. “No, there must be some mistake. Why would she do such a thing? How could she?”

Stella sat quietly for a moment and then spoke. “Judith was a complicated woman. I don’t fully understand her reasoning, but I believe she had your best interest at heart. Maybe she was trying to shut out a world of hurt. I think she felt that any communication with me would place you in danger. She was trying to protect you.”

Sydney’s eyes burned. “I know. After Judith died, her lawyer gave me a key to her safety deposit box. Inside I found a letter that Dad had written to her and two newspaper articles. Judith kept them all these years.”

This caught Stella’s attention. “Avery wrote Judith a letter? When?”

“About a month before he died.”

“What did it say?”

Sydney took a deep breath. “He told Judith that he’d reconsidered her offer for me to come and live with her. He’d been trying to call her, but she’d taken a trip to Europe, so he wrote her instead. He told her that he would explain the details in person but the gist of it was that he felt I was in danger and would be safe with her.”

“What kind of danger?”

Sydney shrugged. “The letter didn’t specify. I think Dad deliberately kept it vague because he was waiting to explain it all to Judith in person. He never got the chance.”

“You mentioned some newspaper articles. Were they about Avery’s death?”

“One was about the boat accident that killed Dad and the other was about a Judge Crawford who was killed by a car bomb. Both incidents took place on the same day.”

Stella’s eyebrows knitted. Sydney could tell from the expression on her grandmother’s face that she had her suspicions.

“Did Dad know Judge Crawford?”

Stella shook her head. “If he did, he never mentioned him to me. All Avery said was that he was concerned about some things.”

“What things?”

“I don’t know. He never told me.”

“Did you read the journal?”

Stella’s face was blank. “What journal?”

“It was in the box you gave me. I assumed that you knew about it.”

“No. Shortly after Avery’s death, I went to his house and boxed up those items. I wasn’t even sure what to save. I’ve meant to look through them, but it was too painful.”

Sydney nodded in understanding.

“Avery kept a journal?”

“He wrote in it right up until his death. I read some of it last night.”

“Did you see anything that would help us know more about the cause of his death?”

“It was all so vague. Just bits and pieces.” She massaged her throbbing temples. “Everything is just a big blur, and I don’t know how to make sense of any of it.”

“Why don’t you start at the beginning? Tell me everything from the accident on.”

Sydney closed her eyes. “I remember waking up in the hospital. I knew right away that something was wrong when I started asking about Dad. No one would tell me anything. Judith finally told me. The bones in my face were shattered, and I was severely burned. I went through surgery and then rehabilitation. The doctors pieced me back together.”

Stella’s face paled. “I knew you were injured, but I had no idea how bad off you were. You were taken to the hospital in Glendale where you remained unconscious. I stayed with you during the night and left the next day to go home and get cleaned up. When I came back that afternoon, you were gone. Judith had you transported to a hospital in Dallas.”

“When did you lose contact with Judith?”

“I called her, and she told me that Avery had contacted her before his death, asking her to take care of you. She also let me know, in no uncertain terms, that you would remain with her. I received one other call from Judith about six months later, letting me know you were okay.”

Stella’s eyes seemed to plead for understanding. “You were better off with Judith. I knew that she would take care of you. But most of all, I knew you would be safe.”

Sydney’s head started to spin. She tried to make sense of it all.

“Don’t judge Judith too harshly. She did what she thought was best for you. She loved you and was trying to protect you.”

Sydney nodded. For all of Judith’s faults, that was one thing she knew. “I always thought Dad’s death was an accident. I never realized it wasn’t until after Judith’s death when I found Dad’s note and the newspaper articles.”

“We still don’t know for sure whether or not Avery’s death was an accident. We can’t be too quick to rush to conclusions.”

“Well, Judith obviously thought I was in danger.” She threw her hands up in the air. “And the whole thing—Dad’s letter, two explosions on the same day—it’s all just a little too coincidental, don’t you think?”

Stella looked Sydney in the eye. “Yes, you’re right. Deep down, I’ve always questioned whether or not Avery’s death was an accident. That’s another reason I never fought Judith to get you back.” She paused. “I guess I’m just afraid. You know what the good book says: ‘It rains on the just and the unjust all the same.’” She looked up at the ceiling and then down at her hands. “I can’t lose you again.”

Sydney hugged her grandmother. Tears ran down both of their cheeks. Finally, Sydney pulled away and laughed humorlessly. “I always wondered why Judith made me change my name. She came in one day at the hospital and told me that it was time to start fresh. ‘We’re going to start our lives right now,’ she told me. ‘You need a new name.’ She looked me up and down. ‘What do you think about Sydney?’ I liked the name but would’ve never told Judith otherwise.”

Stella chuckled. “You were wise not to cross Judith.” She reached for her cup. “How did she die?”

“Breast cancer, just like Mom. Judith didn’t tell me at first. She suggested that I go to Europe for the summer. Now I realize that it was her way of getting me out of the way so she could go through treatments. When I came home and saw how skinny and frail she was, I knew something was wrong. She passed away a few months later.”

Stella shook her head. “Judith was a piece of work. I remember the first time I saw her. Avery brought her by to introduce her. I took one look at her flaxen hair and stubborn chin and knew that Avery was flirting with trouble.”

Sydney’s eyes grew round. “What?”

“Didn’t you know that Avery dated Judith first?”

Sydney shook her head.

“Avery was finishing up his last year at the University of Alabama when he met Judith at a fraternity party. He took one look at her and was smitten. I think he would’ve married her right on the spot if she would’ve agreed. But Judith wanted everything on her terms. It was all a game to her. She thought she had Avery wrapped around her little finger. What she didn’t count on, however, was what happened when she took Avery home to meet her family. That’s when he met your mother. Avery’s infatuation with Judith paled like fool’s gold beside the real thing.

“Susan was everything Judith wasn’t. Her wholesome features had always taken backstage to Judith’s beauty, but Susan didn’t mind. She was happy letting her older sister take center stage. Avery felt as though he’d discovered some rare flower that belonged only to him. He and Susan were inseparable from that moment on. I don’t reckon Judith ever did get over Avery choosing Susan over her.”

Sydney was speechless for a moment. She shook her head. “I had no idea. No one ever mentioned any of this to me.” Sydney looked at Stella. “Before my surgery I used to look just like my mom.”

“I remember.”

A trace of bitterness returned when Sydney thought back to the day her new face was unveiled. “They made me look just like Judith. So much that even you recognized me after all these years.”

Stella’s laugh echoed through the room. “No, you’re wrong. It wasn’t Judith that I saw when I first opened that door.” The conviction of Stella’s words rang true. Her eyes met Sydney’s. “I saw Avery when I opened that door. You may resemble Judith, but you’re Avery through and through.”

Sydney hugged herself. She stared into the distance, her blue eyes glazed. “Oh, how I wish that were true.” She voiced the question she’d asked herself over and over. “Why do you think Judith made me look so much like her?”

“Did you ask her?”

“Right after the accident, I tried a couple of times, but she never would give me a straight answer. She told me that all of my bones were broken and that the doctors did the best they could.”

“Hah!” Stella clamped her lips shut. “Sorry.”

Sydney shook her head, barely acknowledging Stella’s comment. “As time went on, it became harder to ask her about it. She didn’t like talking about anything that was unpleasant.”

Stella chuckled. “Sounds about right.”

“But why? Why do you think she made me look like her?”

“Well, I think Judith in her own way was trying to protect you. Has anyone besides me recognized you?”

This caught Sydney off guard. “Well … no. But that still doesn’t explain why she made me look like her. She could’ve had them alter my face without doing that.”

“Who knows what Judith was thinking? Maybe she was trying to make you into the daughter she never had.”

They sat in silence, each lost in thought.

Sydney spoke the next words softly, afraid of speaking them at all. “Dad and I had an argument that last day on the boat. He wanted me to go and live with Judith. He tried to talk to me, but I wouldn’t listen.” Her voice faltered. “I’d give anything to live that moment over again. If only I’d listened, given him a chance to explain.” She shook her head.“

If only is a very dangerous phrase. It’ll drive you crazy if you let it. Avery knew how much you loved him.”

“Sometimes I just get so afraid.”

She lapsed into silence. After a moment, Stella spoke. “Of what? Dying?”

Sydney mulled over the question. “No, I’m not afraid of death,” she finally said. “It’s not like I have a death-wish, if that’s what you mean. It’s just that there’s no dishonor in death. Right after Dad was killed I wanted to die. I knew that every breath I took toward recovery led me further from him and Mom.”

Stella cocked her head. “Do you mean to tell me that you don’t fear death at all? I’ve lived all these years, and the thought of it still gives me the jitters.”

“I guess I’m a little afraid of dying,” Sydney admitted with a shrug.

Stella nodded. “It’s always good to have a healthy respect for death.” She studied Sydney. “There’s no dishonor in living, either. Avery and Susan want you to be happy.”

Sydney’s hand flew up to brush aside the comment. “Oh, I know that. That’s not what I’m trying to say.” She tried to find a way to give voice to her fears. Some fears loomed so large that it was impossible to put them into words. At times the guilt was almost unbearable. Avery had asked her to check the bilge of the boat for gasoline fumes. Was she not careful enough? Why didn’t she smell the fumes? If foul play wasn’t involved, then it could mean only one thing. The accident was her fault. “Dad always said that the finest steel comes from the hottest fire.”

A smile curved Stella’s mouth. “I remember.”

Sydney looked at her grandmother and wondered if she’d spoken too much. Stella’s face was impossible to read. The ticking of the clock on the wall grew louder. The silence stretched like a rubber band between them.

Sydney swallowed in an attempt to moisten her dry throat. “I’m just afraid I might not measure up. When my time comes, and I’m put in the fire, I hope I can prove myself and not crumble like rust under the pressure. Or even worse, what if my time has already come and gone? What if I’ve already failed and don’t even have sense enough to know it?”

Stella chuckled. “How like Avery you are—always questioning everything. Let me ask you this. If you were so afraid of facing the fire, why did you come back?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have. Believe me, I thought about just turning my back and walking away. Judith was very wealthy. She left everything to me. I never have to want for anything again.”

Stella smiled wisely. “No, you did the right thing. You wouldn’t have been able to escape the truth any more than Judith could.”

Sydney looked at Stella. “Oh? What truth was that?”

“That the most important things in life can’t be bought with money.”

Stella’s comment cut right to the heart of the matter, and Sydney laughed despite herself. “You sound just like Dad.”

“Sometimes you have to go back a few steps before you can move forward.”

The words sank into Sydney’s mind; she filed them away to ponder later.

Stella put her arm around Sydney. “You did the right thing by coming back. Just trust your heart and have a little faith. You’ll see. That’ll be enough.”

Rain was pelting like bullets when Sydney left Stella’s door and bolted to her jeep. Stella tried to convince her to spend the night, but she declined the offer. She’d only planned on spending an hour at Stella’s house but had stayed three. Her intent was to avoid the very thing she was getting ready to do—drive down the dark mountain in the rain.

The curvy country roads leading from her grandmother’s house to the main road were deserted, and she had the eerie impression of being the only person in the world. She inched her way to the main road.

She turned her windshield wipers up a notch and strained to see in the darkness. Her conversation with Stella was playing over and over in her mind, leaving her emotionally drained. It was when she turned on the main road that she noticed the headlights behind her. She remembered the game she played as a child when she rode in the backseat. She would look behind her and pretend the headlights were following. The warning Stella gave left her with the jitters. She repeated the same phrase she’d used earlier. “Sydney, please be careful. Just remember what the good book says, ‘It rains on the just and the unjust.”

Sydney’s porch light radiated like a lighthouse. She grabbed her umbrella and ran to the door. She was just about to put the key in the lock when she stopped. Something wasn’t right. Her heart lurched when she pushed on the door and it opened. Her panic returned with a vengeance. She glanced back at the deserted street and dark houses. She looked at the door, not sure what to do. Surely she’d not left it unlocked. Was she losing her mind?

She stepped over the threshold and looked inside. Everything appeared normal from what she could tell. She flipped on the lights in the living room and locked the front door. Then she closed all the blinds. Her first thought was for the journal. She went to the secretary and pulled on the drawer. It was still locked, just as she’d left it. Next, she went methodically through the house, flipping on lights. She paused at the bottom of the steps, looking up at the dark stairway. She’d have to check the bedrooms too. She could hear every creak up the stairs on her way up. She reached her hand in first and flipped on the light. Her pulse slowed down a notch when she saw the room was clear. She went next to the other bedroom and then backtracked, checking in the closets and even under her bed, just to be sure.

The train whistle sounded, making her flinch. She headed downstairs and caught a glimpse of herself in the hall mirror. She scowled at her pale reflection. If only Ginger could see her now. She was afraid of her own shadow.

A red light was blinking on her answering machine, and she walked over and pressed the button. Ginger’s cheery voice came over the speaker, restoring a measure of reality.

Not waiting for Ginger’s message to end, Sydney picked up the phone and dialed her number.

“Hello? Gin? It’s me.”

“Where’ve you been? I’ve been trying to reach you for hours.”

The mere sound of Ginger’s voice did more to comfort her than any spoken reassurance could. She flipped off her shoes and collapsed on the sofa. “I went to visit my grandmother.”

Ginger was quiet for a moment. “Are you sure that was a good idea?

”Sydney sighed. “No, I’m not sure of anything anymore.”

“Well, how did it go? Don’t spare any details.”

She smiled. She could just picture Ginger, wearing shorts and a T-shirt, lounging on her sofa. Ginger and Mark had recently moved to a trendy apartment in downtown Ft. Worth known as The Firestone. A major renovation project was under way in the downtown district of Ft. Worth. The intent was to revamp the area, making it a viable part of the city again. Old abandoned buildings were being turned into quaint shops, and classical apartment homes were cropping up.

Sydney started at the beginning and told Ginger about the visit to Stella’s house, leaving out the unlocked front door.

“Wow,” Ginger said. “You’ve had an eventful week.” There was a pause. “Do you really think you could be in any sort of danger? No one except your grandmother knows who you are.”

There was one other person who knew Sydney’s true identity, but she didn’t mention this to Ginger. She looked toward the door. “Don’t worry. This place is just like Mayberry. I’m perfectly safe.”

“Even so, you be careful.” Then, characteristic of Ginger, she suddenly switched gears. “How was church Sunday?”

Sydney hesitated. “I haven’t had a chance to go yet. Her voice trailed off as she braced herself for what was sure to come.“

Syd, you know how easy it is to get out of the habit of going. It’s so important.”

Sydney rolled her eyes. She knew that Ginger meant well, but going to church was at the bottom of her priority list at the moment. “I know I need to go. I plan to. I just haven’t had time. Besides, I’m not even sure where the nearest chapel is.”

“That’s okay. I’ve already looked it up for you. Grab a pen and write down this address.”

A dry chuckle escaped Sydney’s lips. She reached for a scrap sheet of paper and a pen and took down the address.

“Promise me you’ll go this week?”

Sydney was used to Ginger’s bullying and wasn’t going to be that easily swayed. “I’ll think about it.”

Ginger groaned. “You’re impossible.”

Sydney laughed. “I sure do wish you were here to keep me in line.”

“Someone needs to.”

“Well, Gin, it’s getting late. I need to get some rest.”“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem a little edgy.”

Sydney forced a laugh. “No need to worry. I’m fine, really. Goodnight.”

Even as she spoke the words, an uneasy feeling settled like concrete in the pit of her stomach. She looked toward the door. Had someone been in her house tonight? She brushed the thought aside and chastised herself for being so ridiculous. Still, she unclasped the chain from her neck and took the key and unlocked the drawer of her secretary. She felt a sense of relief when her fingers clutched the journal. She pulled it out and held it to her chest. Tonight she would sleep with it under her pillow. It was the conversation with Stella that had unsettled her. “Too many ghosts,” she said aloud. What she needed was a good night’s rest and some sunshine. She frowned. The rain had been relentless. She went to the window and looked through the blinds to see if the rain had stopped. No such luck. Had someone been in her house tonight? Was he out there, watching? The thought sent prickles over her. She looked at the empty street and then next-door at her neighbor’s open window. The lace curtain moved. Quickly, she closed the blinds and headed for the comfort of her bed.