Page 679 of Cold Case, Warm Hearts

“I saw a four-wheeler parked outside, and then there’s the fishing boat in the shed. Does all of that belong to you?”

He smiled and got up from the table. “Yes, all of that belongs to me. I come up here whenever I get a chance. I like my privacy, that’s all.” Kendall came around the table and took the plate out of Sydney’s hand. His lips brushed the side of her face.

“We’ve got to go,” she whispered.

“Okay, if we really have to. I’ll put out the fire if you’ll take care of the kitchen.”

Sydney hummedwhile cleaning the kitchen. It felt so right to be here. So comfortable. “Where are the trash bags?” she yelled, but there was no answer. After waiting for a couple of minutes, she decided to search for them herself. She looked through all the cabinets and came up empty-handed. That’s when she saw the door off the kitchen. It was a laundry room with deep cabinets above the washer and dryer. She opened the first cabinet and saw only cleaning supplies and several bottlesof iodine—no plastic bags. She proceeded to the next cabinet and found the garbage bags. The box was beside two other large boxes—no, not boxes, but cases of … allergy medicine? Why would Kendall need two whole cases of allergy medicine? Each case looked like it contained at least fifty boxes of medicine. And what was this? There was something pushed back behind one of the boxes. She reached and pulled out a framed picture of Kendall and Jessica. The picture, taken in front of the cabin, had obviously been taken by Kendall. Part of his arm had been caught in the picture, like he’d been holding the camera at arm’s length. He and Jessica had their heads together, and Kendall looked so … She couldn’t even bring herself to think it, but it was there. There was no denying it. The look on Kendall’s face was one of perfect contentment. Jarilyn’s words seared her mind. Jessica had been here with Kendall. She’d dumped Kendall for Sean. Did Kendall still have feelings for her? She thought back to the night they’d gone to Jessica’s house for dinner and remembered the warmth that came into Kendall’s voice when he talked about how well she could cook. Jessica and Kendall … Jessica and Sean. It was too much to take.

“What are you doing in here?”

She jumped as Kendall came in the door. His eyes flickered first to the open cabinet and then to the picture in her hand. What was it about his eyes? There were always so warm and expressive. Now they were cold hard marbles and all she could see in them was her own startled reflection, cowering back. A chill came over her. She looked down at the picture that now felt as heavy as lead in her hand.

“I was looking for the garbage bags. I didn’t mean to snoop. I accidentally came across … Kendall, I didn’t know that you have allergies.”

Kendall’s face remained unreadable. She felt very small, standing there holding the picture, and then her anger tookover. She thrust the picture in his hands, grabbed a garbage bag, and brushed past him. Kendall had invited her here. She’d stumbled upon the picture accidentally. She had no reason to feel ashamed.

Sydney went back to the kitchen and started shoving the remains of dinner into the garbage bag. Kendall followed her. He watched for a second and then reached and took the bag from her. He looked directly in her face. “I’m sorry you had to come across that picture. I would’ve told you about Jessica. It’s just that—um, well, I didn’t think it was that important. That’s all in the past—over now.” He reached and touched a strand of her hair. “You have to know how I feel about you.”

She stood staring at him while his eyes pleaded with hers for understanding. “I’m sorry I reacted that way,” she said. “It was that look in your eyes. You acted so furious when you came through the door, like I’d done something terrible. I couldn’t understand why you would react that way unless you still …” The words got caught in her throat, and she forced them out. “Unless you still have feelings for her.”

Kendall leaned back against the cabinet. Splotches of red were forming on his neck and moving up to his face. Her candor was obviously making him uncomfortable. “I guess I’ll always have a special feeling for Jess.”

Sydney’s throat went as dry as sandpaper.

“She’s been a part of my life for so long …” He paused to find the right words. “Jess and I were engaged. Two months before our wedding, she broke it off.”

Sydney’s heart sank. What had Jessica said? The mocking words tore through her mind with brutal force. “I broke Kendall’s heart.”

“It wasn’t until you came along that I even felt attracted to anyone else. Now I hardly even think of her anymore.”

Hardly? What was that supposed to mean? She looked up and realized that he was smiling tenderly at her. She forced herself to smile back.

“Let’s just take things one step at a time,” he was saying. “Give it some time. See what happens.”

Wasn’t she just congratulating herself on being able to put Sean out of her mind for a few hours? How could she fault Kendall for harboring past feelings for Jessica? She nodded.

“That’s my girl.” He took her in his arms.

But for her the matter wasn’t settled—not by a long shot.

The ideafor the Helping Hands Organization didn’t come to Sydney all at once. Like bits and pieces of an almost forgotten dream, the fragments shifted in the kaleidoscope of her mind until suddenly, it all became clear. No doubt the late-night talks with Stella had been part of the catalyst that prompted her decision. But that wasn’t all. It was more than that. It was her past and present all welded together—a way to help ease that sinister shadow of guilt that was always right on her heels, the one she never could outrun. No matter where she went or what she did, it was always there. She could have traveled to the end of the earth and back and it wouldn’t have made a bit of difference, for how could she escape herself?

At night in her dreams, she was on the boat, checking the bilge. No matter how hard she tried, she could never plug up the leaks. Some nights she would wake up, choking on the toxic poisons that were filling the cabin of the boat. Other nights it was the searing heat from the explosion that jarred her awake, leaving her lying on her bed, gasping for air like a limp fish discarded on dry land.

Maybe there was nothing on earth strong enough to erase the hurt of the past, but as long as there was breath in her lungs, she had to continue to try. If she could help others, then just maybe she could find a shred of hope for herself. When the idea for Helping Hands came, it was like a ray of fresh sunlight that dissipated the gloom. She was so excited that she wanted to share it with someone. She told Stella and Ginger first. Stella was pleased and offered her help. Ginger was surprised and had a slew of questions about the particulars. Sydney tried to share her plan with Kendall, but he was too preoccupied with football to pay much attention, so she dropped it.

She almost talked to Sean about it but changed her mind at the last minute. The crux of the matter was that Sean would have probably really listened and talked to her about it. A vague fear was beginning to form in the back of Sydney’s mind, and she kept hearing Sean’s remark about Kendall wanting a trophy girlfriend. She and Kendall never talked about anything of substance. Whenever she tried to take their conversation to a more serious level, Kendall either clammed up or changed the subject. Sean, on the other hand, was very easy to talk to—too easy. She knew that any relationship with Sean would end up like her relationship with Adam—a dead end. Why then was she still so attracted to him? Sometimes it seemed that all Sean had to do was look at her to know what she was thinking. Kendall was the one she wanted to build a relationship with. There were so many things she admired about Kendall—his goodness, his integrity. How come Kendall didn’t understand her any more than she understood him?

All of these thoughts kept running through Sydney’s mind as she drove to Tuesday Phillips’ house. Sydney had called Tuesday and told her about the idea for Helping Hands. “It’s really a simple concept,” she said. “I want to start an organization that helps people in the community. We can start by providing thebasics like food and clothing. I would like to get donations from private individuals to help fund it.” She didn’t mention the fact that she had enough of her own money to buy a building and get the organization off the ground ten times over.

Tuesday was quiet for a moment. “I want to help,” she finally said.

A smile tugged at the corners of Sydney’s lips. “I was hoping you’d say that because I’d like for you to help run it.”

There was a gasp on the other side of the phone and then a chuckle. “Tell me what you have in mind.”

“I thought we’d start by helping the Nolan family.”