Page 97 of Close Match

Finally, as I drift off to sleep, I vaugely wonder if Monty’s going to have a drink every night before bed. If so, I’m going to need him to brush his teeth and shower before he crawls between the sheets. After the initial burst of flavor from his lips, the smell’s noxious as hell.

Fifty-Seven

Evangeline

No one talks about how real cancer is until they live it. We’re on day seven of the conditioning, and my father’s fading away and dying right before my very eyes.

I don’t know what’s worse: what happened to Mom or what’s happening to him.

Throwing myself into a series of turns, I make myself deliberately as dizzy as the medicine is making my father. Catching myself against the far wall, I’m out of breath, and the room is spinning wildly. Now if only my hair would start to fall out in chunks, I think bitterly.

Everett Parrish started taking the protocol to begin killing off his immune system and in a matter of days went from being a capable man in his sixties to a man who visually would have no problem passing for early eighties. His appetite has been nonexistent when he’s not violently ill. And Char—bless her. She’s been at his side every moment with mouthwash, weak ginger ale, and ice chips.

And all I can do is wait.

Dr. Spellman notified us they’d bring me in for the aspiration on the day they admit Ev into the hospital. That will give them enough time for the extract, to use the Cytoxan, and for Ev to have his day of rest before they introduce the new marrow into his system. Until then, there’s pretty much nothing I can’t do. “Except get sick,” he said sternly.

Which is why I can’t hop up to New York to be there for Alex’s birth.

But no matter how much I want to scream, all it would do is echo back at me. My pain is nothing in comparison to the people I love.

Even Monty.

He thinks he’s so strong, but even he’s breaking. He doesn’t think I notice. He hasn’t touched me other than in a superficial fashion since the night he admitted to loving me. It’s like he revealed some deep secret and now is pulling back. He holds me every night, but it feels like it’s more out of obligation. It would be like tearing out the final piece of a heart that’s been finely shredded, but I’m beginning to wonder if I should move back to my original room.

Leaning down against the bar, I put my head in my hands and pant in exhaustion.

“When this is over…” I don’t finish the thought because I’m interrupted.

“I think we should go away,” Monty says from the door. “Anywhere we can find that makes us want to forget the last few weeks.”

I shrug, turning my back to him. “I don’t think a place like that exists.”

He comes up behind me and brushes a few strands of hair that have escaped my braid off my shoulder. “Then we’ll hole up somewhere and create it.”

“Why?” I ask blankly.

“Why what?”

“Why me?” At his sharply inhaled breath, I turn around. His hands fall from my shoulders. “I mean, I get that you need to be away for a while, but don’t feel obligated to take me.” A bitter laugh escapes. I wrap my arms around myself to accept a hug from the only person capable of giving me one right now.

Me.

Monty studies me for a few moments in uncomfortable silence. I plow through. “If you don’t mind, I need to work out since I won’t be able to for a few weeks.”

“Talk to me.” He deliberately steps in my way.

“Why?” It isn’t meant to come out cruel; it’s just an honest question. But by the way he recoils, it’s as if I struck him.

“Why? Maybe because I’m a nice guy and I care about the woman sleeping in my bed every night.” It looks like I’ve poked at Monty’s anger too.

I don’t have the energy to care.

“I was thinking about that. You, me—don’t feel obligated to me just because of everything going on with Ev.” I turn my back to him because just saying the words slash another wound into me.

“Obligated?” he says carefully. I can practically feel the waves of his temper wash over me. But the words have been spoken, and I can’t take them back.

“I understand your focus is with your family, as it should be.” I open my mouth to continue, but Monty steps in front of me, eyes blazing.