Page 30 of Claws for Celebration (Hollow Oak Mates #3)
MOIRA
E lder Varric's explanation felt heavier than the magical devastation surrounding them.
Moira sat among the ruins of what had been her sanctuary, processing information that would determine not just her own future but the fate of everyone she'd grown to care about.
Seven days. Seven days to decide whether to bind herself permanently to a man who'd walked away when she needed him most, or watch the world burn in supernatural fire.
"I need some air," she said finally, standing on unsteady legs as the weight of impossible choices pressed against her chest like a physical burden.
"Moira," Lucien started, but she held up a hand to stop him.
"Just... give me a few minutes to think. Please."
She stepped carefully through the debris that littered the bookstore floor, avoiding the worst of the broken glass and scorched wood as she made her way to the back garden where everything between them had begun.
The protective wards she'd unconsciously woven around the space still hummed with residual energy, creating a pocket of relative calm in the aftermath of magical chaos.
The autumn air felt crisp against her skin, carrying the scent of woodsmoke and changing leaves that spoke of normal, human concerns.
Children preparing for school, families planning weekend activities, people whose biggest worry was whether to wear a jacket or just a sweater.
The ordinary world continued existing, blissfully unaware that its survival might depend on the romantic decisions of a woman who'd discovered magic less than three weeks ago.
"Seven days," she said aloud, settling onto the bench where Lucien had first revealed his shifter nature. "Seven days to decide whether to commit my entire future to someone who admitted he was wrong but might decide to protect me from myself again."
The grimoire's influence had been quieter since the failed destruction attempt, but she could still feel its presence lurking at the edges of her consciousness like a persistent headache. Now, as her emotions churned with uncertainty and fear, the ancient tome began whispering again.
The mate bond is a cage disguised as protection. Why limit your magnificent power for the sake of someone who has already proven his willingness to abandon you when circumstances become difficult?
"Because the alternative is accidentally ending the world," Moira replied, though the words felt hollow even as she spoke them.
Is it? Or is it simply accepting your true nature as something greater than human limitations? You felt the power tonight. You know what you could accomplish if you stopped trying to contain yourself for the comfort of others.
The memory of golden flames consuming everything in their path made her hands shake. For those terrifying moments, she'd felt like a force of nature rather than a person. Unstoppable, unlimited, free from the careful constraints that had defined her entire adult life.
And it had been intoxicating.
"But at what cost?" she whispered, thinking about the fear in Elena's eyes, the way even the vampires had stepped back from her uncontrolled power. "What's the point of being powerful if you destroy everything you care about in the process?"
Power does not require the destruction of what you care about. It requires the wisdom to reshape the world according to your will. With proper guidance, you could protect not just Hollow Oak but every supernatural community on earth. You could become a goddess among mortals.
The seductive whisper painted visions in her mind: herself standing at the center of magical workings that spanned continents, her power flowing out to create barriers that would protect every witch, shifter, and fae from human persecution.
No more hiding, no more careful concealment of supernatural abilities.
A world where magic was not just accepted but revered.
All she had to do was reject the mate bond that would limit her potential and accept the grimoire's guidance in developing her full capabilities.
"And what happens to Lucien in this magical utopia?" she asked, though she suspected she already knew the answer.
The shifter will age and die within decades while you remain eternally powerful. Why bind yourself to such limitations when you could have centuries to reshape civilization according to your vision?
The casual dismissal of Lucien's mortality hit her, crystallizing exactly why the grimoire's offers felt so wrong despite their seductive appeal. Every promise it made centered around power and control, treating other people as obstacles to be managed rather than connections to be cherished.
"Because I don't want to reshape civilization," she said firmly. "I want to belong to one. I want to be part of something larger than myself, not ruler over it."
Sentiment and attachment are weaknesses that will destroy you when the true crisis arrives. Accept my guidance willingly, and avoid the pain of losing everything you foolishly believe you treasure.
But even as the grimoire tried to convince her that isolation was strength, Moira's thoughts drifted to the past three weeks in Hollow Oak.
The way Twyla had immediately made her feel welcome with enchanted tea and knowing smiles.
Elena and Cordelia's patient teaching as they helped her understand her magical heritage.
Miriam's maternal fussing and the sense of belonging she'd found among the town's supernatural residents.
And Lucien. God, Lucien.
The memory of their first kiss in the moonlit garden, the way he'd looked at her when she'd touched his panther form with wondering hands, the absolute certainty in his voice when he'd said her magic wouldn't hurt him because it recognized him as hers.
Yes, he'd made a terrible decision when he'd walked away.
Yes, his protective instincts had led him to wound her when she needed support most. But underneath his mistake lay something she'd never experienced before: a man who saw her completely and chose to stay not because she was useful or impressive, but because she was herself.
"The mate bond," she said aloud, testing the concept that felt both terrifying and inevitable. "Permanent magical connection. Sharing power and control and everything else for the rest of our lives."
It was the opposite of everything she'd planned for herself.
She'd built her adult life around independence, careful control, the ability to make decisions without consulting anyone else's needs or desires.
Academic career, research projects, even the small apartment she'd maintained with meticulous care, all of it designed to prove she could manage perfectly well on her own.
But managing perfectly well and being happy were apparently two very different things.
The truth was, she'd been lonely for years before arriving in Hollow Oak.
Successful but isolated, respected but not truly known by anyone who mattered.
The carefully constructed life she'd built had been safe and predictable and utterly devoid of the kind of deep connection that made existence feel meaningful.
Three weeks with Lucien had shown her what she'd been missing.
Not just romantic love, though that was certainly part of it, but the profound comfort of being completely understood by another person.
The way he'd guided her through magical awakening with infinite patience, the quiet strength he'd offered during her most confused moments, the absolute faith he'd shown in her goodness even when she'd been terrified of her own power.
"But what if he decides to protect me from myself again?" she asked the empty garden. "What if the mate bond doesn't stop him from making unilateral decisions about what's best for me?"
That was the real fear, she realized. Not the magical commitment or even the responsibility of potentially saving the world. It was the vulnerability of trusting someone else with her heart and happiness after he'd already proven capable of devastating both in the name of keeping her safe.
The grimoire sensed her hesitation and pressed its advantage.
He will always see you as something fragile that needs protection rather than a force of nature that deserves worship.
The mate bond will not change his fundamental nature any more than it will change yours.
Accept my guidance instead, and never again suffer the pain of being abandoned by someone who claims to love you.
"Except you don't love me," Moira said, the realization cutting through the entity's psychological manipulation. "You see me as a tool to achieve your own freedom. At least Lucien's mistakes come from caring too much, not too little."
Love is a weakness that will cost you everything when true power is within your grasp. Choose wisely, daughter of shadows. This offer will not remain open indefinitely.
As the grimoire's whispers faded back to background noise, Moira found herself weighing not just the practical implications of their situation but the deeper question of what kind of person she wanted to become.
Someone who chose power over connection, control over trust, safety over the vulnerability that came with genuine love?
Or someone brave enough to risk her heart on the possibility that the man who'd made one terrible decision might never make another like it, especially if she was honest about how much his abandonment had hurt?
The sound of footsteps on the garden path made her look up to see Lucien approaching with careful movements that wouldn't startle her further.
His dark green eyes held uncertainty and hope in equal measure, and something in his expression suggested he was carrying his own burden of impossible choices.
"How are you holding up?" he asked, settling beside her on the bench with enough distance to respect her need for space.
"Terrified," she admitted honestly. "Of making the wrong choice, of not being strong enough to handle whatever comes next, of trusting someone who might decide to walk away again if things get too complicated."
"Moira," he said softly, her name carrying weight that spoke of regret and determination. "I need you to know that leaving you was the biggest mistake I've ever made. And if you give me the chance, I'll spend the rest of our lives proving that it's a mistake I'll never repeat."
Unsure of these emotions she wasn't sure she was brave enough to trust. "How can you promise that? How can either of us know what we'll do when the next crisis arrives?"
"We can't," he replied with brutal honesty. "But Moira, what I figured out tonight is that protecting you doesn't mean making decisions for you. It means standing beside you while you make your own choices and supporting whatever you decide, even when it scares the hell out of me."
As she studied his face in the moonlight that had witnessed their first transformation together, Moira realized that the choice facing her wasn't really about magical bonds or ancient evils or the fate of the supernatural world.
It was about whether she was brave enough to trust in love despite the risk of being hurt again, and whether that trust was strong enough to anchor them both through whatever darkness lay ahead.