Page 10 of Claiming Ours (Anchor Bay #2)

Appearing out of nowhere, a pint glass filled to the brim with liquid gold was placed on the table in front of me. I shot Finley a thankful smile as she folded her tall, lean body into the chair beside me.

“I was the one who wanted to wait to get married,” I shared.

The words just bubbled out of me, no hope of stopping now that I had started.

“I was so focused on my goals, what needed to be done to get there, and thought we had a whole life, a long future together to make up for the wait.” Tipping the glass back, I downed half the beer before setting it back on the table.

“Dean didn’t know what he wanted to do out of high school, so he decided to join the Army, thinking it would be a good way for him to make some money and get his future college paid for, all while waiting for me while I went to school in Texas.

” Unshed tears burned in my throat. “He didn’t want to follow me to A&M, something about not wanting to be a distraction while I worked hard for my dreams. Dean was great like that, always thinking about me first.

“The long-distance thing was hard on both of us, but we made it work. I saw him when I came home during breaks if he wasn’t deployed, but then I got a steady internship during the breaks and stopped coming home altogether.

Even still, he understood and didn’t resent me doing what I needed to do.

He wanted my lifelong dream to become a reality.

He was so supportive of everything. Even the sex thing,” I whispered while flicking my gaze around the table.

Juno, who had been quiet up to this point, raised her hand with a confused expression. “Um, am I the only one lost right now? What sex thing?” Her gaze darted to the other women, no doubt hoping everyone else was as confused as she was.

“I wanted to wait until we were married,” I admitted quickly, then took a gulp of cold beer to calm my nerves.

“To have sex?” Finley probed. At my hesitant nod, she pressed her lips into a tight line. “Um, okay, that’s your choice. You do you, boo, and nothing to be ashamed of like you look right now, but why?”

I raised my shoulders in a noncommittal shrug. At this point, I even questioned myself, knowing now what I didn’t then. If I would’ve known our time would be cut short, I wouldn’t have waited for that intimate connection with Dean, but I didn’t, and now here I was, a late-twenties virgin.

“Dean and I came from a small town in Kansas, about the size of Anchor Bay, actually. It’s super old-school, very religious, and there was a piece of me that was too afraid of….” I trailed off and looked away, not wanting to finish the statement. It made me sound as selfish as I felt now.

Amy reached out and placed a comforting hand on my forearm. “You were afraid of what would happen to your goals if you got pregnant,” she finished for me, clearly understanding.

I dipped my chin in a hesitant nod. “I was terrified of it. My high school had one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the state because there was literally nothing else to do on the weekend but hook up. I watched as too many girls my age had their dreams of getting out of our Podunk town shattered or altered because they got pregnant. I swore I wouldn’t end up like that, like my mom had.

Sure, she’s happy with my dad, but I know she wanted more but couldn’t because she had a baby to take care of. ”

“No matter the reason, you wanting to wait isn’t a bad thing, Baylee. Sounds like you were both on the same page, so what are you?—”

“Because he died,” I said, the hot tears I’d been holding back breaking free to leak down my cheeks.

“Taking our future, that chance with him. Everything I had pushed aside, everything that should’ve taken priority, was ripped away from me.

I never got a chance to have that intimacy with him, never got to sign his last name as mine, and as soon as all of that was taken away, I realized everything I’d poured my focus into didn’t actually matter.

Not really, not as much as him. As us. Who gives a shit if I got out of our town, that I became a vet like I always dreamed. I don’t have him.”

Snatching a cocktail napkin from the center of the table, I used it to wipe my wet cheeks.

Amy squeezed my forearm, drawing my avoidant gaze to her.

“I’m so glad you’re telling us all this, not keeping it in.

We know you’re hurting,” she whispered. “But please know, you do still have a future that wasn’t taken away by his death.

Sure, it might look different from the one you planned, but…

.” She bit her lower lip, as if debating her next words.

“Dean’s gone.” I choked back a sob, pressing the napkin to my lips to quiet the sound.

“But you’re not. Sweet girl, you still have a full life ahead of you. ”

“I don’t know how to let go,” I admitted. “I don’t know if I want to let go of him.”

“Then don’t,” Aspen said, her own eyes glassy with unshed tears. “You don’t have to forget about him to keep living. He will always be a part of you, but do you really think he’d want you to be sad, to stop living because he isn’t here to live it with you?”

“No,” I rasped. “And I’m trying. I really am. You know how me and Liam are—” I waved a hand in the air. “—whatever we are. But what if I’m always this broken? What if I can’t move on?”

“Have you talked to him about any of this?” Juno asked. “What’s holding you back from going all in with him?”

I shot her a sheepish look. “No. I don’t want all this mess inside me, all my mixed-up emotions, to push him away.

” That thought terrified me, that I’d make him realize I wasn’t worth the trouble as I worked through my shit.

“And if I don’t open up, don’t let him get close, and things don’t work out, then I’ll still be okay because I never really let him in.

” There was no way I could survive someone else leaving me if I allowed myself to let him in, to offer him a piece of me that not even Dean got.

“Girl, that man is head over heels into you,” Amy stated, smacking my arm to emphasize her point.

“Talk to Liam. Nothing you say or do will push him away as long as you’re honest about how you’re feeling and why.

Just don’t freeze him out of everything that’s bothering you.

You think that will protect you from getting hurt, but it’ll only make you lonely.

He can’t support and help you if he doesn’t understand what you’re going through. ”

Inhaling deeply, I nodded. Grabbing my beer, I finished it and gently set the empty glass back on the table. “That’s where you guys come in, why I called this emergency meeting. I think I’m ready to stop hiding from him. I just don’t know how to take that first step.”

I startled when Finley slapped both palms on the wooden surface, drawing all our attention as she stood.

“Good thing you called us. We can figure it out together.” She glanced at Juno and winced.

“Well, maybe you should’ve just called Aspen and Amy, since they’re the only two who know how to do the healthy-relationship shit.

I’ll go get another round of shots and beers. I think we’ll need them.”

Despite it all, my lips curved upward as I watched my friend weave through the high-top tables, headed for the bar. Not sure how, but I already felt better. Lighter in my soul in a way I hadn’t in a long, long time.

Which meant maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t the lost cause I believed I was after all.