Page 59

Chapter

Thirty-Eight

DARREN

T he heat crawls under my skin like fire ants, making every nerve in my body scream a need I can't quite name.

No, that's a fucking lie. I know exactly what I need, I just can't bring myself to say it out loud. Not yet.

Lexie's warmth against me helps, her beta scent a soothing balm against the chaos raging through my system. But just smelling isn't enough. I need more, starting with being inside her. But I know as soon as I give in to that need, all the others are going to come to the surface.

My body knows what it wants, what it's been denied for months while I pumped myself full of suppressants and pretended I could still be the beta I used to be.

A knock at the door makes me tense. "Yeah?" My voice comes out rougher than intended, heat making everything raw.

The door cracks open and Aidan peers in, arms full of pillows. "Hey, uh, brought more supplies. Zayn went to the store for other stuff. Thought you might want options."

He sets the pillows down near the nest, careful not to get too close. His vanilla scent hits me like one of Dmitri's body checks during practice, and I have to bite back a moan.

Fuck . When did Aidan start smelling so good? Has he always smelled like this, like warm cookies and safety that makes my omega brain want to bare my throat?

"Thanks," I manage, trying to sound normal. Like I'm not imagining what those freckled shoulders would look like without a shirt. Like I'm not wondering if he tastes as sweet as he smells.

Aidan's eyes flick between Lexie and me, and I see the moment he registers the shift in my scent.

His pupils dilate slightly, nostrils flaring, but he takes a deliberate step back.

Always so fucking considerate, our rookie goalie.

Even when every alpha instinct must be screaming at him to claim the omega going into heat right in front of him.

"I'll just... yeah." He backs toward the door like I might attack him for reading his thoughts. "Jax wants to talk. When you're ready. About... you know. How this is gonna go."

The door closes behind him, and I groan, dropping my head into my hands. "Fuck."

"What's wrong?" Lexie asks, her hand gentle on my back.

"I need to have the most awkward conversation of my life with our packmates about whether or not I want them to fuck me through my heat," I say bluntly. "While my body is literally screaming for exactly that. This is fucking humiliating."

"It's not humiliating," she says firmly. "It's biology. And they care about you, Darren. They want to make sure you're comfortable."

Comfortable. Right. Nothing about this is comfortable. Not the way my skin feels like it's going to burn off, not the way every alpha scent in this house is making my mouth water.

"I don't even know what I want," I admit, the words tearing out of me. "I mean, I know what my body wants. But my head..."

"Your head is still fighting it," Lexie finishes gently. "Still holding onto who you think you have to be."

I look at her, really look at her. This beautiful, patient woman who's stood by me through all of this insanity. Who helped me build a nest like it was the most natural thing in the world. Who's looking at me now like I'm still worth the trouble even though I'm literally falling apart at the seams.

"I love you," I say, because it bears repeating. "You know that, right?"

"I know," she says, smiling. "I love you too. All of you. Even the parts you're still figuring out."

A door slams downstairs, followed by Zayn's voice. "Delivery service! I come bearing gifts of hydration and comfort!"

He's so fucking dramatic. But right now, a little normal drama is exactly what I need.

"We should go down there, if you're ready," Lexie says. "Have that conversation you're dreading. Get it over with."

She's right. Hiding up here isn't going to make this any easier. I stand on shaky legs, the movement making my head spin. The heat is getting worse, building like pressure in a boiler. Better to figure this shit out while I still have some brain cells functioning.

The trip downstairs feels like navigating a minefield. Every step brings new scents, leather and bourbon and pine and vanilla, all mixing together into a blend of pack and perfection that makes my omega instincts purr. By the time we reach the living room, I'm gripping Lexie's hand like a lifeline.

They're all there. Waiting. Four alphas trying very hard not to look like predators who've scented prey. Zayn's unpacking bags on the coffee table, covering it with water bottles, energy bars, those little packets of electrolyte powder. And... socks?

"Fuzzy socks," he announces, holding up a pair of ridiculously soft-looking purple things. "Seemed like a good idea at the time. Comfort items, right?" He tosses a pair to Lexie, then one to me. "Got everyone a pair. Team bonding and all that bullshit."

I catch them reflexively, and the absurdity of the gesture makes me laugh. Zayn Copeland, Mr. Too-Cool-For-School, buying us all fuzzy socks breaks through some of my anxiety. A laugh bubbles up, slightly hysterical but genuine.

"Thanks," I say, meaning it. "That's weirdly thoughtful."

"I have my moments," he says, but I catch the pleased look that flashes across his face.

"So," Jax says, ever the captain, "we should talk."

Right. The Talk. I sink onto the couch, Lexie beside me, and try to ignore the way every alpha in the room tracks my movement. They're trying so hard to be respectful, to give me space, but I can feel their hunger, like they're physically holding themselves back.

"What do you need to know?" I ask, proud when my voice comes out steady.

"What you want," Jax says simply. "What you don't want. Your boundaries. This is your heat, Darren. You're in control here."

In control. That's fucking rich. I haven't felt in control of anything since that puck scrambled my brains and turned me into this. But looking at my pack, I realize maybe that's not entirely true. They're here, asking what I need, ready to respect whatever I decide.

"I..." I start, then stop, trying to organize the chaos in my head. "I want you here. All of you. But I'm not... I can't..."

"Take your time," Dmitri says, his voice gentle despite the intensity of his scent screaming how much he wants to claim and command.

"I'm not ready for everyone in the nest," I finally manage. "It's too much. Too new. But I don't want us to be alone either. Just me and Lexie, I mean."

She squeezes my hand, understanding as always.

"So what would feel right?" Aidan asks, and fuck, the hope in his voice makes my breath hitch.

"One or two of you," I say, the words coming easier now that I've started. "To start. To see how…"

Words fail me again. Fuck, it's already hard to think about anything more than how intense these feelings are. The need, the heat, the hunger.

"How you feel about it," Zayn finishes, nodding. "Makes sense. Baby steps."

"We've actually talked about this," Jax admits, and my head snaps up to stare at him. "When it became clear your suppressants wouldn't last forever. We wanted to be prepared, to handle it however you needed."

"You talked about my heat? Without me?" I'm not sure if I'm offended or touched.

"We talked about how to support you," Dmitri corrects. "How to make sure you and Lexie were safe and comfortable. What we would do if you wanted all of us, none of us, or anything in between."

"And?" I prompt, curious despite myself. "What did you all come to?"

"And we agreed that whatever you decided, we'd respect it," Jax says firmly. "No hurt feelings, no pressure. This is about what you need, not what we want."

The knot of anxiety in my chest loosens slightly. They're not going to fight over me like I'm some prize to be won. They're not going to push or make demands. They're just... here. Ready to help however I need them to.

"Okay," I say, taking a deep breath. "Okay." I pause, really thinking about it. Who feels right in this moment? "Aidan and Jax. To start."

Disappointment flicks across Zayn's face, but he masks it immediately, and nods. "Good choices. The puppy's gentle and Jax knows how to take charge when needed."

"Who're you calling a puppy?" Aidan grumbles.

"Okay, murder puppy," Zayn offers, earning a fierce glare from Aidan and a chuckle from Dmitri.

"We'll be right outside if you need anything," Dmitri adds, and I can hear what it costs him to say it. To step back when every instinct must be screaming at him to do the exact opposite.

"Thank you," I say, meaning it more than they probably realize. "For understanding. For not making this harder than it already is."

"We're pack," Jax says simply. "We take care of each other."

The words settle the lingering anxiety in me, some last bit of resistance I've been holding onto. Maybe I've been building walls for nothing. Maybe my pack has always been ready to support me exactly as I am, omega biology and all. I just had to let them.

"We should go back up," Lexie says gently. "Before the heat gets worse."

Before I lose what little control I have left. Before I start begging for things I'm not sure I'm ready for.

"Yeah," I agree, standing on legs that feel like jelly. "Let's go."

The trip back upstairs is both too long and too short.

Aidan and Jax follow at a respectful distance, but I can feel their presence like a touch.

The nest looks even more inviting now, with its perfectly arranged soft blankets and familiar scents, and I practically dive into it, pulling Lexie with me.

"How do you want to do this?" Jax asks from the doorway, and fuck, the control in his voice makes me shiver.

"I don't know," I admit, already starting to pant as another wave of heat rolls through me. "I don't know how this works."

"There's no script," Aidan says, moving closer but still maintaining distance. "We follow your lead."