Page 345 of Civil Servant in Romance Fantasy

I couldn’t say anything in response to the Patriarch’s bombshell declaration. Based on everything I knew—my years of experience, upbringing, and shared values—he should have been someone who welcomed this newly bestowed title, even if he’d been caught off guard by it.

Of course, I’d noticed signs that he wasn’t particularly cold-hearted and showed unexpected tendencies like being warm towards Mother during last winter’s vacation while staying at the territory, but him saying that couldn’t be brushed off as merely unexpected.

He was the Imperial Count of a family who’d been the loyal arm and leg of the imperial family for nearly 300 years. Although the County of Tailglehen didn’t belong to the first Imperial Counts appointed by Emperor Amanca the Great, it was still established during the reign of his son, Amanca II.

“You have already fulfilled your duty and sacrificed enough. No one has the right to demand more of you.”

And yet, this loyal servant of the throne who had always emphasized duty and fidelity was now telling his successor who would become the next Imperial Count to stop offering his loyalty.

What’s happening?

It was confusing. I never thought something like this would happen. Was he testing me? Did he receive orders from the Emperor to check if I had any complaints?

Neither the Emperor nor the Patriarch weren’t amateurs who used crude, blatant methods of probing one’s loyalty, but at least the probability of him testing me was higher than him actually discouraging me.

“Don’t overthink it. I’m just saying this as the Patriarch to my successor.”

Noticing my confusion, the Patriarch spoke in a low voice.

No. That explanation only made it worse. He was serious. This wasn’t a test?

“...I appreciate your words, but I don’t consider it a sacrifice. Isn’t it an honor to be called by His Majesty and serve in the military as a noble of the empire?”

In the end, I blurted out a very ordinary and conventional answer after racking my brains. When you’re at a loss for words, saying something safe and conventional is usually the best bet.

“No, it is a sacrifice.”

But the Patriarch seemed determined and dropped another bomb.

“The Prosecutors’ Office, which should remain focused on internal matters, was sent to the North. You, a civil servant and not a knight, swung a sword on the frontlines. You killed the Rebel who threatened the empire and the Mandate of Heaven. If this isn’t sacrifice, what is?”

The Patriarch quietly closed his eyes after saying this. At the same time, his brow furrowed slightly, as if recalling memories he didn’t want to remember.

“The Krasius family has always been loyal. Our ancestors strived to repay the imperial family’s grace, and that repayment always bore fruit. No one neglected their duty and dedication.”

I knew this. He’d spoken of our family’s loyalty with pride for as long as I could remember, drilling it into both me and Erich like a mantra.

That was why it was even harder to understand. Why was the Patriarch, who always shouted ‘loyalty, loyalty, more loyalty,’ now saying this?

“You and I have also done our best. The Krasius family has repaid the blessings it received from the imperial family, and more.”

At those firm words, I shut my mouth again.

***Carl’s face clearly showed bewilderment, and I understood why. What I had just said went completely against everything I had taught him and Erich their entire lives.

But it was something I had to say. It was only right to go back on my words rather than send this child, who was just regaining his stability, back to the battlefield.

That loyalty was out of necessity.

From the beginning, the relationship between the imperial family and our family started as a contract. In the early days of the Empire when the throne was perilously unstable, the imperial family needed vassals it could trust implicitly. Meanwhile, our house’s founders, many of whom were commoners, needed the political status that only the Emperor could provide. That was how 300 years of loyalty began.

Of course, nowadays both the imperial family and the House of Krasius were firmly established, but there was no reason for the imperial family to discard us nor for us to break away from the imperial family. Rather, unilaterally breaking a 300-year relationship would earn us the reputation of ‘an untrustworthy party that abandons even a 300-year relationship’ from other families.

Therefore, the relationship between the imperial family and ours was a contract, albeit one forged in blood and steel. It was steadfast because it was mutually beneficial.

But it is not a relationship worth sacrificing you for.

That was the truth I wanted to say aloud. But how could I? What right did a father, who had failed him in so many ways, have to say such things?

I didn’t have the qualifications to do that. All I could do was guide him toward the choices he would have to make.

“So there’s no need to overdo it. If you decline the title, His Majesty won’t force you to move.”

Half of what I said was wishful thinking, but the other half wasn’t entirely impossible.

His Majesty had already pushed hard to organize this expedition. If Carl, a high-ranking administrative official, refused the title itself with a proper justification, then His Majesty would find it difficult to take additional measures.

Instead, the Krasius family would have to fill Carl’s vacancy, but we could gladly do that much. It was only right to use the family’s capabilities rather than push my son to war.

After hesitating for a moment, I cautiously added.

“And you’re not alone anymore, are you?”

Yes, Carl was no longer alone. He lost his friends and lover in the last war and became alone, but he was fortunately able to form new relationships. He had started to heal, if only slightly.

I couldn’t send such a child back to the hell where he lost everything. I couldn’t do that to him—or to those he now held dear.

“Patriarch.”

Carl, who had been silent, finally spoke.

However, it wasn’t a particularly good sign. Carl’s expression showed an emotion other than confusion and bewilderment.

“Thank you for your advice.”

He had a resoluteness that couldn’t be seen if he had simply decided to follow my suggestion.

“I understand that our ancestors repaid the imperial family’s grace admirably. And I agree that neither they nor we have fallen short in our duties.”

I almost sighed. He agreed, but it was nothing more than a formality—a polite prelude to voicing his own decision.

“And while you might be right that no further sacrifice is necessary, I don’t see this as a sacrifice.”

Just like now.

“I’m not going to the North out of duty or obligation. I’m going for myself. There’s a knot I need to untangle with my own hands.”

“Does it have to be you? His Majesty is by no means taking this Northern expedition lightly. Numerous soldiers will head North, and brave knights and mages will stand at the forefront. The Rebel’s son who calls himself Khan will eventually fall before the empire’s blade.”

I tried to persuade Carl again. I wouldn’t have brought it up if I thought he’d just say ‘Alright’ and let it go if he refused. I wouldn’t have gone this far, contradicting everything I’d ever taught, if I weren’t desperate.

Moreover, this Northern expedition wasn’t so flimsy that it would collapse without Carl’s presence. His Majesty would appoint the Invincible Duke as the expeditionary force commander again and mobilize countless marshals and corps commanders. Just looking at the scale, it’d be no less than the last war.

That large-scale expeditionary force would advance even without Carl. It surely would.

“I know that. Since His Majesty personally declared the conquest of the North, the loyal nobles will unite and follow. Even without me, the Empire will win.”

“Then why—“

“Because a victory without me is meaningless.”

I froze for a moment at his firm answer.

A victory without him was meaningless? Was he seeking glory? He wasn’t a child with such a desire for fame. Or was it confidence that only he could bring down the North? No, that wasn’t it, either.

“I need to end with my own hands the calamity I couldn’t finish three years ago despite countless sacrifices. That’s the duty I must fulfill as the one who couldn’t die alone.”

Those were ominous and incomprehensible words. Why was this child, who all but ended that war, talking about duty?

And what did he mean by not being able to die alone—?

...It hasn’t even healed yet.

I understood belatedly why Carl wanted to join the military.

“It’s not your fault.”

Carl’s eyes widened at those words as if he’d heard something unexpected.

“It was a tragedy, yes, but the blame doesn’t lie with you. You bear no guilt for what happened.”

Carl was silent for a moment. Then, after a moment, he smiled faintly.

“That’s what I think, too.”

His answer made it impossible to guarantee how much he was festering inside.

***I stared blankly at the spot where the Patriarch had been.

I was a little—no, very surprised. I never imagined I’d hear such words from the Patriarch.

“You and I have also done our best. The Krasius family has repaid the blessings it received from the imperial family, and more.”

“And you’re not alone anymore, are you?”

“It’s not your fault.”

Ha.

I felt like laughing hollowly. How could I remain unaffected when the sincerity in his words had been so overwhelming?

I had always thought of him as a man who prioritized the prosperity of the family, loyalty to the imperial family, and the glory of the Empire above all else. That was the impression left by this body’s memories, and everything I’d seen of him since waking up in this world had aligned with those memories. I didn’t even think or feel the need to check if I was mistaken.

I simply assumed the Patriarch was that sort of person. After all, I wasn’t truly part of this family. What did it matter to me what kind of man he was?

Did I just want to think that way?

The truth was, that perception had already started to crumble last winter. This was the same man who had enthusiastically ‘upgraded’ to a treasure-hoarding goblin for the sake of his future daughters-in-law’s gifts, and who had been thoroughly scolded by his wife for sneaking off to fish. How could someone like that be mechanical or cold?

Maybe I could have noticed at last year’s memorial service when he advised Erich not to hurry but to take his time and train. If I had thought more deeply then, I could have understood the Patriarch’s true feelings earlier.

But I didn’t. I covered my eyes and closed my heart. I didn’t try to learn more about him.

Because if the Patriarch is a good person, then I’d be the villain who stole a son from a good father.

I didn’t have the courage to draw that conclusion... although I had now reached a point where I couldn’t deny it anymore.

“It was a tragedy, yes, but the blame doesn’t lie with you. You bear no guilt for what happened.”

“This is driving me crazy.”

I found myself muttering alone as the Patriarch’s words came back to me.

Hearing that from my biological father—this body’s father—made me feel unexpectedly vulnerable. I couldn’t afford to feel this way, but here I was.

...Maybe I’ll go get some fresh air.

I stood up with a sigh.

There was one place I had to visit before going to the North.