Page 22 of Chieftain’s Rebel (Chieftain #6)
She felt as if she was taking her life in her hands, and mayhap she was, but she refused to care. All that mattered to her was the knowledge that Axel would be safe, and her grandfather had assured her of that. Ainsel had made up her mind and was determined naebody would sway her to change it, not even Rory. She might be a lassie; that didnae mean she didnae have honour.
As she pushed through the leather curtain into the kitchen, she could tell that Rory and Finn were dithering, uneasy about telling Calder the truth because of what he’d been through. Honestly, wasnae it better to suffer the second blow close to the first rather than recovering just to get knocked down again.
She heard Rory say, “It’s a long story and I wasnae there for the half of it. I’ll let Finn tell ye.”
Calder’s response was of the typical rude male one, not meant for female ears, but naught she hadnae heard afore, and she decided to speak up and put an end to their distress, especially as Calder sounded as if he had a sore throat. She knew how difficult it was to admit to something that might break another’s heart and, though it was too late for her to make amends, she could still help Calder’s suffering. As he had, in his gruff way, had practically begged for the truth with threats, she said, “I’ll tell it ye.”
She moved closer to the tub, certain modesty was his last concern since he simply sat shivering in the water, coughing. She dipped her fingers into the tub. There was little heat in the water. “Someone top up the tub afore he’s as cauld as when ye dragged him up frae the sea.”
As they dashed to the cauldron of water bubbling o’er the fire she was certain their rush was designed to get out of Calder’s range while leaving her to be the bearer of bad tidings.
“Rory’s plan worked well, as ye might remember, with Olaf’s funeral boat setting a few of the invader’s vessels ablaze last night, when most of us were out on the dragon-boats or hiding among the heather ready to pounce on any stragglers. When it was o’er, everyone gathered on the beach, and that’s when we discovered the two of ye were missing. When we searched for both ye and Gilda we found her breaking her heart grieving for ye. She was howling her head off, broken-hearted, for she had seen ye killed, stabbed first, then drowned.” As the other two carefully poured jugs of hot water into the tub, Calder bit down hard on his lip—not fearful of burning. Nae, she could tell it was the thought of Gilda mourning him. “
“I’ve nae difficulty admitting we all felt proud at having beaten or driven off the enemy. That was until we discovered how the Irish had tricked us by anchoring farther down the Ness and marching o’er the brae coming into the settlement frae behind. Two boats of men there were. Grandfather had nae warning—nae choice—and none of us knew until we came back into the longhouse, Finn leading while Rory, Gilda and me came in through the kitchen.” She paused then, the reality of what she intended catching her in the throat. Hand fisted, she pressed it high against breast as if that would calm the choking sensation.
Bit by bit she explained how the impossible had turned into the incredible. “She ne’er gave us a chance to prevent her. Instead she burst through that curtain, bold as ye please, and claimed to be me.” Ainsel faltered then. How could she tell him the whole truth without giving away the lie, the secret? “It was Axel she was thinking of. Bull-headed and vengeful MacLoughlin would have nae conscience about ridding himself of another man’s son.”
Calder’s hand gripped the rim of the tub and she covered it with her own. “She said that without ye, her life was o’er.” Her lip trembled but she clamped it down with her teeth until her emotions came under control. She could feel Finn and Rory hovering in the background, both rather shamefaced. “But now yer here, and ye are alive, it’s up to me to make guid, to repay what Gilda did for me. That’s why I’ve decided to follow MacLoughlin and set matters to right. To replace Gilda with myself.”
If she had thought Rory had stopped listening to her, he proved her wrong with a shout, “Nae!” It was all she could do to ignore his impassioned protest.
Hurting Rory wasnae part of her plan, merely an inescapable consequence that she refused to acknowledge. She met Rory’s eyes and flashed him a warning glance. “Grandfather has promised me a boat and some of the men to sail it. If we leave soon they willnae be so far ahead we cannae catch up with them afore they leave Orkney. Grandfather says they’re sure to go there on the way home, seeing as how they’re all friends, or mayhap conspirators.” She rushed on afore the others could interrupt, “The blame is mine. We welcomed Nils and folk frae Orkney like brothers and, like him, they turned on us. Envy is a dread taskmaster.”
“If that’s the case, bonny lass, I’ll gang with ye. Mayhap we can sneak her away without losing ye in her stead.” Calder went to stand and finished up doubled o’er coughing.
Rory thrust himself betwixt her and the tub, legs astride and chest out as if to prove a barrier betwixt her and Calder in the tub while all she noticed was the way his thighs filled the trous her brother had lent him. “I agree something needs to be done,” he said, “and quickly, but there’s nae way ye can go with her, Calder. Yer but half-alive yerself. What ye said about sneaking Gilda away has merit though.”
At last Finn spoke up. He’d done naught so far but shake his head at her notion. “Ye can count on me. I should stand in for my grandfather.”
“Nae.” She and Rory spoke together, of like minds, but she let Rory go first. “That’s the very reason ye shouldnae go. If aught happens to ye, Finn, whau will take yer place? Axel?”
“He’s right, Finn.” She felt driven to agree with Rory. “Yer place is here. Mayhap we didnae lose as many as yon raiders whau came in the boats, but we lost more than we could easily spare. If aught happens to me, Axel will need a younger man than Grandfather to guide him and my latest efforts are nae what ye would call safe.”
“That’s why ye can count on me, Ainsel.” Rory laid his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. How could he be so nice to her when she dare not let herself give in to the kind of persuasion she knew he could exert? Such as the way he said, “I’ll be there to keep ye safe, but we shouldnae go after him like a storm, expecting to sweep away everything in our path. We need to approach them like a sneaky wee draught on the back of yer neck at night—annoying.”
Beside them, Calder groaned, “I want to join ye but yer both right: I’m not able,” and even that wee effort started him coughing again.
If she didnae do aught to make certain Calder survived his night in the water, even when they brought Gilda home, her friend would hate her. “Finn, go find a healer for Calder while Rory and I fetch more hot water. What Calder needs is some of the aulder women to fuss round him, and we had better leave soon,” the tone of her voice as she finished making it clear there was nae room for concession.
Ainsel could do nae other.
Aye she had avoided telling Rory that even if his latest plan worked, they would ne’er be together. She’d wracked her brain since the day Rory and Calder arrived, and still she could see nae way she and Rory could share a life. As a shield-maiden, she could face a man with a sword in her hand, defend herself; but as a mother, she feared to tell Rory he had a son, since not even she could come up with a defence against that terrible a lie.
Nae one had ever said Rory was stupid. Ainsel was like a different woman. The loving lass he had held in his arms had evaporated in the heat of battle. He might not approve of her decision to go and switch with Gilda, but she had to realise that MacLoughlin wouldnae look on such a notion with any favour.
He had thought Ainsel would at least be keen to cuddle Axel afore she left, but nae, she marched straight outside frae the kitchen, leaving him calling after her, “Even if Finn cannae go with us, Ghillie can. I’ll fetch him frae the Hall on my way out.”
Ghillie was in a place that had become a habit, sitting on the raised step afore Olaf’s chair. Rory had discovered his wee cousin enjoyed listening to Olaf’s tales of Caithness in the past, tales of the Jarl’s ancestors and theirs. In return, Ghillie related the stories Nhaimeth and Rowena had told him. Olaf sat with one hand on the big stick he’d heard the auld man had shaken at MacLoughlin, and the other hand round the bairn on his lap. Axel gazed at his great-grandfather intently, as if taking in everything that was said.
“Ghillie,” he caught the lad’s attention. “We’re going with Ainsel.”
His cousin nodded, “I thought we might. Everything I need is here,” he said as he stood.
Olaf awkwardly stretched out the arm Axel leant against and Rory took his hand. The Jarl’s grip was firm as ever as he said, “I ne’er expected aught less frae ye, Rory. Ye are Gavyn Farquhar’s son, after all. I know Ainsel can be headstrong, but not always at the right time. She was spoiled as a bairn, and her marriage wasnae one her parents would have agreed to.” Olaf smiled, “But the gods have a way of solving our daft mistakes. I have nae doubt she’ll be at yer side when ye return,” he finished, after hoisting a boatload of responsibility onto Rory’s shoulders.
Since it fitted in with his own plans, Rory simply nodded and retrieved his hand, but Axel appeared to recognise him and batted at his hand with his wee fist. “He takes after his mother.”
Straightening, he gave Ghillie a nod and made to leave. He had taken a couple of paces, Ghillie at his side, when he imagined he heard Olaf say, “Aye, and his father an’ all.” Then he decided he had to have misheard, since Nils was the last man Olaf would want the bairn to be like.
Outside, he noticed Ainsel waiting for them. Every single time he laid eyes on her a warm feeling spread out frae the middle of his chest, made his heart squeeze. It was a feeling he had nae desire to go without, even if he died in making certain of it.
As the reached her, Ainsel’s full red lips pouted, and he’d have given anything to cover her mouth with his own and slake his thirst for her taste. That said, Ainsel’s plan was to rescue Gilda, and she wouldnae thank him for delaying her, but at the back of his mind was the knowing they would be together all the way frae the Ness to Orkney and mayhap Ireland, though Rory hoped the gods wouldnae be so cruel.