Page 9

CHAPTER 8

CHARLEE

Pierce brought us to Colton and Haven’s house for dinner over on Rawhide Ridge. I loved the homes there and often thought about what it would be like to live there. More often over the past few weeks I’d imagined instead how it would be to live with Pierce. He’d mentioned that marriage wasn’t on his mind, so I didn’t want to get in over my head.

However, his home in Porter’s Corner brought me a sense of peace and serenity that I’d only experienced on the Ranch prior. Walking into Haven’s princess room, I psyched myself into acting as if I was like her. She babbled on and on about the things in her room, genuinely excited to show me each new thing. I adored her gorgeous twin bed set done in pastels with tiaras, butterflies and glitter adorning the furniture. Haven talked about the table and chair set as she showed it off. It was gorgeous! A perfect setting for tea parties or reading books or coloring. Or really anything you wanted to do. I envisioned my friend holding important stuffie board meetings too.

“Daddy doesn’t always let me bring treats up here! But sometimes he does. Heaven Leigh is bringing a special dessert tonight just for us!” Haven jumped up and down.

“I love her treats,” I said gushing. I could play a role for a while. Any role. Doing so is what made me such a good actress. But I found myself wishing for a space like her room to be myself in. More than that, I wanted to spend time here with her. Letting our fears and worries and doubts fade away while we enjoyed each other’s company.

“She’ll be over with her Daddy soon, but he’ll probably stay downstairs with my Daddy and your Daddy,” Haven said matter-of-factly. “It’s not that Daddies aren’t allowed in my room,” she clarified.

“I’d imagine they wouldn’t love it if we put a sign that said, ‘No Daddies May Enter’.”

“I mean, probably not! But if we wrote please knock underneath we could get away with it.”

“I don’t think Pierce, uh, my Daddy will let me get away with anything,” I lamented with a long sigh.

“I think Daddies have eyes and ears everywhere,” Haven said knowingly. “Even in places you think they don’t!”

We walked over to her table in the center of her room and sat down. She held up a few coloring books: flowers, unicorns, bunnies. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings but it didn’t seem like an activity I’d enjoy. Which was silly considering how much I loved painting.

“You can color with your opposite hand if I hold the book for you, right?” Haven asked softly.

“You don’t have to hold the book. I can manage.” Looking at the pages though, it didn’t seem like I could.

“Oh! Wait, I have an idea! Today Haven had a glorious idea!!” She giggled and ran over to a huge white cabinet. “This is my craft center. Hang on!”

Her enthusiasm was contagious. I found myself giggling as she rushed back to the table with brightly colored tape. “What are you going to do? I’ll stop talking if you want me to.”

“Silllly! No, Charlee. I can tape the book in place!” Haven doubled over laughing, quickly recovered and flipped through the pages. “Look at this one. Do you like this picture?”

I was stunned in the best way possible. In the middle of the bunny color book was one very cute bunny with a large butterfly sitting on its nose. There was also a huge daffodil bending over like an umbrella over the pair. If I was going to choose a picture at random to start my coloring adventure it would be that one.

“Oh, Haven. It’s perfect.” I was sure my eyes lit up.

“Yay! Okay, let me secure it to the table so you can color it without having to hold it.” She grinned at her own cleverness.

I found myself impressed with her on more than one level. Though we’d become friends, I didn’t realize how easily she’d embraced her Little. I remember talking with her about it, and how it hadn’t been all butterflies and rainbows for her and Colton to get on the same wavelength in the beginning. Her joy was unbridled and unencumbered by her size. She wasn’t a tiny person. No, she was curvy like me. In fact, we were built very similarly. Something I’d overlooked. That knowledge bothered my heart. I never judged anyone for their weight. How silly of my brain to believe the rhetoric that size mattered. It didn’t. Not in any way that counted. We colored in pleasant silence for a while, concentrating on our masterpieces.

“I’ve been dumb, Haven.”

“Shhh, don’t let your Daddy’s ears hear you.” Haven pointed at the door.

“He can’t hear me up here, but I was not very smart. Not at all. I told Pierce I couldn’t be Little because of my body. I think it was a cop-out for not letting myself experience what I’d been wanting.” Tears slipped down my cheeks. Darn it. I cried far too often for someone who didn’t usually let my emotions get the best of me.

“Aw, Charlee.” Haven stood and offered me a box of tissues then looked at my hand. Thinking better of it and trying to be supportive she wiped away my tears. “Oh, was that weird? I didn’t want you to have to stop coloring.”

“You’ve been such a good friend to me. No, it wasn’t weird. You’re so sweet! You’re like my best friend. I know you probably have lots of friends here,” I said, crying harder.

“I didn’t always,” she said seriously. “In fact, right before my wedding I didn’t believe I had any friends. Then Sadie and Haleigh threw me a bachelorette party sleepover at the Big House. And they orchestrated Tasmin coming with some help from Colt. It was such an incredible amount of love that I overlooked because I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Oh! Not that I think you’re doing that.”

“I didn’t think you were saying that about me. You have such good friends and are very loved, Haven. I guess I am too.”

“You are! Think about how many people volunteered at the last minute to ensure the production wasn’t delayed. You already had a crew but it doubled! We love the plays, and nothing will get in the way. What do they say?” She handed me a few tissues.

“The show must go on!” I said dramatically blowing my nose.

“That’s right! The show will go on!” Haven giggled.

“I owe you an apology. I was sort of pretending to be Little tonight. That wasn’t fair to you. I wasn’t trying to be fake,” I quickly added. “I just didn’t think maybe I could be. But it’s so easy to embrace that side of me with you. You… you are so exuberant.”

“Exuberant, huh?” she asked, giggling. “I think you mean loud.”

“No, no. Sadie is loud,” I replied. “I mean that in a nice way. After she stole those costumes–”

“Borrowed,” Haven corrected.

“Fine, fine. Semantics. After Sadie borrowed the entire costume department, Master Derek had her volunteer to help me with the winter production. We got along really well. I count her as a friend too. I sort of thought that maybe she’d be pure chaos at the theater.”

“Well, you’re not entirely wrong.”

We both laughed, as we thought of our friend. Sadie was the embodiment of chaos in the nicest way possible.

“No, but in a good way. I love her energy. I feel silly thinking I couldn’t embrace the part of me that all of you do so easily. Or at least you make it look easy.”

“There’s been a lot of back and forth to get to this point. Not necessarily with a Daddy or a Caregiver but sometimes with yourself.” Haven patted my non-injured hand then returned to her seat across the table. “I ran away from home, making Colton chase me all the way to the Ranch. It was silly because he was taking us here on a trip. Anyway, you don’t have to apologize for something that isn’t a problem. I’m honored that you are exploring another side of yourself around me. I have lots of fun with you, so it’s just a whole ’nother way to have fun.”

I couldn’t argue with that. Her gentle acceptance made it so much easier for me to agree with her. Besides, we all had to start our journey somewhere. I was lucky enough to have a supportive Daddy and a great friend who encouraged me to do so. Five distinctive raps to the rhythm of “Shave and a Haircut” sounded on Haven’s princess room door, interrupting us.

Haven smiled and gave two sharp raps against the table’s surface to finish the tune before she called out, “Yes, Daddy?”

I smiled at the sweetness of witnessing what must be their special knock.

Colton opened the door, stepping inside. He glanced between the two of us. “Everything okay in here, butterfly?”

“Yup. We were talking about some Big topics but we’re okay now, Daddy. Aren’t we?”

Haven glanced at me waiting to see where I was at mentally.

“I’m much better. Thank you for asking. Is it time to go already?” I fretted my lip. The night had started out under the guise of playing pretend and forcing myself to have fun but I wasn’t ready for it to end yet.

“No, sweetie,” he said, shaking his head. “Not quite yet. Heaven Leigh is here.” He moved to the side allowing Heaven Leigh to bound past him and into the room.

In the midst of our deep conversation about heavy emotional gunk, I’d all but forgotten that Heaven Leigh was also coming over. Plus Haven mentioned treats which were always welcome.

“Hi, Haven! Oh my goodness, Charlee! You look so pretty!” Heaven Leigh exclaimed while jumping up and down, or rather it was more like weaving and wiggling about without her feet leaving the ground due to the huge box in her hands. The three of us giggled as she joined us.

“Hi! Thank you,” I said sweetly while Haven hugged her.

“You won’t believe what I made today,” Heaven Leigh walked to the table to set her offering down. “I baked the most delicious dessert ever. You must try it!”

“If we are careful, may we eat in my room?” Haven asked her Daddy.

“Yes, you may. Thank you for asking. Please keep the noise level at a tolerable level, little girl.” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, Daddy!”

“Yes, Haven’s Daddy,” Heaven Leigh and I parroted.

“Don’t eat too much sugar this late,” Colton said sternly.

As if we’d practiced it, but hadn’t, we all put on our cheesiest grins.

“One each! Or one really big bite,” I said excitedly. I couldn’t wait to see what Heaven Leigh brought for us to share.

“Silly girls. Come downstairs when you finish your treats.” He kissed Haven on her nose before patting Heaven Leigh and I on our heads and leaving the room. I admired the ease they interacted with each other. I wondered if Pierce and Colton ever sat around talking about us the way we did with them.

Haven cleaned up the art supplies while Heaven Leigh and I spread out napkins. She opened the box and we peered inside. I gasped. The most incredible cupcakes sat there looking delicious. They had icing swirled around and were bigger than a typical small cupcake. Chocolate and gooey bites of yumminess that I couldn’t identify were sprinkled on top. The reason for her modified bouncing became clear as I could easily picture how her perfect creations would have been rather smushed against the lid of the box if she’d jumped around for real.

“You totally outdid yourself! Can I order these for the crew on opening night?” I asked her as she set one in front of each of us. We glanced at the size of the cupcake. I was mentally thinking about the repercussions of eating that much sugar close to bedtime.

“I can! But this is a new flavor! You are the first to try it. You might not like it, but you probably will,” Heaven Leigh said proudly.

“Hmmm. As much as I want to stuff this whole thing in my mouth, maybe we could all share one. Is that okay?” Haven asked. She was the voice of reason.

“They came out way bigger than I expected,” Heaven Leigh said laughing. “Yes, I just realized how late it is. I’ll leave the other two for you and Colton to share.”

“Thank you so much! Isn’t having a friend who loves to bake, the bestest?”

Though she meant for herself, I realized Heaven Leigh really had become a good friend to me too. “Mmmhmm, it’s the bestest,” I said, agreeing.

Cutting one cupcake into thirds we all waited until we each had a piece in our hand before taking a big bite. Haven’s eyes rolled back in her head, and she groaned. It was a solid reaction since I made the same noise.

“This is the most incredible thing I’ve ever put into my mouth,” I said sincerely.

“Oh, yeah?” Heaven Leigh asked around a mouthful. “The most incredible, huh?”

“Anything food wise.” I nudged her with my elbow.

“Uh-huh. This flavor is officially the best.”

“You always say that!” Haven stated as she took another bite of her slice.

“But it’s always true,” Heaven Leigh confirmed. “Oh, yeah. This one needs an award.”

We munched happily making appreciative noises. Heaven Leigh beamed. I think she loved making treats for her friends so she could see their reactions.

“So, how are you inducting your Daddy into the theater on opening night?” Heaven Leigh asked politely.

I kept eating my yummy cupcake. The backstage antics were epic and sometimes fell into the pranks category around the Ranch but I hadn’t given it much thought. Not when Pierce had me following rules.

“I don’t want to make him mad.” It was sort of a silly thing to say, but I would have to pay by receiving a trip over his knee. Though I enjoyed being spanked before sex, I didn’t love it for discipline.

“Pfft! It’s tradition,” Heaven Leigh pointed out. “You can’t break the tradition. He’s officially your assistant, right?”

“Well, sort of. He’s been my right hand and that will continue for at least the next two weeks. I can order him a tee-shirt or get a coffee mug emblazoned.” I thought about gifts for him rather than a prank.

“Glitter bombs are more fun,” Haven teased.

“Oh no way! Do you know how long it would take to clean? Not on opening night.” I took another bite of my dessert, chewing thoughtfully.

“They make glittery confetti flags or feathers. You can sweep them up easier. Maybe not feathers but we’ll help you.” Heaven Leigh elbowed Haven.

“You could rig a bucket over the door,” Haven said, nodding as if they were plotting.

“Just don’t get in trouble for climbing a ladder,” Heaven Leigh added. “Wait! You can set it up over the main stage door!” She gestured wildly as if seeing it in her mind.

“Yes! Then when your Daddy walks through… poof! Confetti everywhere!” Haven painted the picture.

Thinking of Pierce’s shocked face as confetti or feathers rained onto his head made me giggle. It would be hilarious for a lot of reasons. Our crew, who had grown fond of him being there, would get such a kick out of it.

“A harmless prank,” I said thinking out loud.

“Nope! Technically an initiation,” Heaven Leigh corrected.

“Loophole,” Haven said in a sing-song tone.

“Loophole. Yes… technically. Oh! It could be like when they christen a ship before its maiden voyage since this is the first performance in the new theater!” I could practically visualize how it would look and at their enthusiastic nods of agreement, I giggled. “Okay, a christening and it would be his initiation to the theater. Inducted into our realm of chaos. A welcome to the stage if you will,” I said playing along.

“See! You’re so excited to have him with you all the time, that you need to show your thankfulness with confetti.” Heaven Leigh bounced in her seat.

“I’m going to get in so much trouble. I’m not good at pulling pranks.” I thought about the potential repercussions. I didn’t think Pierce would be mad, but he might bust my butt anyway.

“Initiation,” the two of them corrected at the same time.

“All right. All right! You’ve convinced me. It is not a prank. I’ll have to remember that when my Daddy is toasting my buns.”

“As if you don’t want that to happen anyway.” Haven finished her cupcake slice.

“We are not talking about that,” I said but I secretly loved that I could talk about those topics with her. “Will you help me rig it?”

“Mmmhmm! Please get it on video though so we can enjoy it over and over again.” Haven handed us each a wet wipe for our sticky fingers.

“I can do that,” I said fully on board. “I hope my Daddy finds it as funny as the two of you do.”

“Feed him one of these cupcakes afterward and I bet he’ll forget.” Heaven Leigh winked.

“I doubt it! But I’ll try that, Heaven Leigh,” I said.

“When in doubt? Feed your Daddy two cupcakes,” she said, cracking up.

We collectively groaned, getting up from the chairs and cleaning the room. Though the night had started out with me thinking that I was only pretending to be Little, my friends filled my bucket. But it wasn’t with feathers. I realized no matter what parts of myself that I shared, they accepted me. My heart seemed to grow in my chest as we left Haven’s princess room and went downstairs. Heaven Leigh didn’t care if I was Big, Little, or anything in between and neither did Haven. They enjoyed spending time with me because I was their friend. They didn’t hang out with me to gain favor when it came to casting the production or divvying out roles and tasks. They cared about me. Maybe I’d actually learn to accept the word Little instead of hating it so much. It seemed silly to give any word power over my feelings anyhow.