Page 11 of Chasing Chase London, Part 8: Valentines Day

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“Two Hearts Breaking”–Jewel

After school, Lindsey wants me to come over, so I trudge across the lot toward her car when I’m done reeling from Chase’s dismissal.

I’m almost there when I spot Nate unlocking a little black Porsche, Oliver a step behind.

He catches me looking and gives the slightest nod, then turns and says something to Nate before tossing his bag in the back and jogging over.

I watch him warily.

“Happy birthday, Tessy.”

“Shit,” I blurt, glancing around to make sure no one will overhear. “Sorry. I mean… How do you know it’s my birthday?”

He shrugs and gives me the most adorable little smile with that offset dimple that makes me melt. “Nate told me.”

“How does Nate—never mind,” I mutter, remembering Daria and Elaine saying he hacked into school records. It’s a good reminder of why I don’t like Oliver, adorable as he may be.

“Doing anything special?”

“Uh, no,” I say, checking the lot for signs of Lindsey. “And please don’t tell anyone. With everything going on, the last thing I need is for anyone to accuse me of making it about me.”

He gives me a funny look. “It’s your birthday. It is about you.”

“Uh, yeah, I don’t really make a big deal out of birthdays,” I say, scrambling to find an excuse. “It’s—an American thing. We don’t really care about that stuff.”

“I thought Americans were all about their sweet sixteen parties.”

“Well, I don’t celebrate, so it’s just another day to me. And I made it through the whole day without anyone finding out, so don’t ruin it now.”

“Ruin your day of not celebrating?” he asks, cocking his head.

I sigh. “Just… No one knows, and I’d appreciate if you kept your mouth shut so it stays that way.”

“If that’s what you want,” he says, falling into step beside me as I start for Lindsey’s yellow Corvette. “If you change your mind and feel like company, we’re having a little get-together at the lake house this weekend.”

“Pass.”

“I could get you a cake and make it a birthday party. Or just pop by for a drink?”

“Will Colin be there?” I ask. “Perhaps with Elaine?”

He hesitates a moment, but it’s long enough to tell me everything I need to know.

I stop at Lindsey’s car and turn to face him. “Ah, the nice guy act proves to be a bullshit cover for douchebaggery once again. Sorry, Oliver. Not gonna happen.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Before I can turn away, he snags my hand, and a current of warmth sparkles up my arm. He bats his long lashes, and I swear I’m momentarily hypnotized as he slowly lifts my hand and places a gentle kiss on the back of my fingers. “Happy sweet sixteen.”

He drops my hand and hops in Nate’s car as it pulls up beside us. It speeds away, leaving me standing there with butterflies fluttering from my belly all the way down to my toes.

“Were you just talking to Nate?” Lindsey asks, eyes narrowed as she hurries over.

“No,” I say, shaking my head. “Just Oliver.”

“Oh,” she says, visibly relaxing. “What were you talking to him about?”

“Nothing,” I say quickly. I know better than to mention having something to celebrate. If there’s one thing Lindsey won’t tolerate, it’s being upstaged when she’s grieving. That’s the real reason I didn’t mention my birthday, but it would sound too weird if I tried to explain that to Oliver.

Besides, it’s none of his business. It’s not like we’re friends. I don’t even know why he went out of his way to wish me happy birthday, like he just can’t stand that one person sees through his nice-guy persona.

At her house, I’m listening to Lindsey agonize about whether she should have broken up with Chase for the hundredth time when a notification pops up on my phone.

AllThatDiaz: ISO my bestie. Come over? Magic Mike all cued up + ice cream

SkyIsFalling: later? So sorry!!!

AllThatDiaz: u w lindsey?

SkyIsFalling: pls don’t be mad

AllThatDiaz: its ok. I get it. c u Monday

SkyIsFalling: Ill come over 2morrow, kk? Promise. We can do anything u want.

SkyIsFalling: even bury bodies

AllThatDiaz: k

I stare at my phone and feel like shit. First for not being there for Daria, and second for wishing I could go watch a movie with her instead of comforting Lindsey.

I should be happy that I’m her temporary best friend.

Anyone else would be taking full advantage, and I know if I was smart, I’d be figuring out how to make the position permanent.

But I can’t help being exhausted by all of it, to the point where it’s a relief when Mom comes to pick me up.

I told her I didn’t want a party, but she still wanted to do something for me, so she got me cupcakes.

Meghan comes over, and our parents insist on watching a movie as a family.

I sprawl on the living room floor with Meghan and Lily, and we all watch Sixteen Candles.

One year older, one more birthday without Dad.

I tell myself I’m glad, that if he were here he’d launch into his usual diatribe about how inferior John Hughes movies are compared to his favorite seminal 80s teen movie, Heathers.

That night I lie in bed, my mind returning to Chase the way it always does.

When I close my eyes I see the tense look on his face when he passed me in the hall, willfully ignoring me, intentionally crushing me.

When I inhale, I smell the clean, masculine scent of him leaning up close to me, see the vein pulsing in his neck when he had me pinned to the wall.

I turn over and pull a pillow over my face, as if it will block out the memory of his swollen, discolored lip, busted from where I hit him.

My mind replays the surprise and hurt in his eyes when I walked away, leaving him bloody and bruised.

My heart aches for him, for me, for all of us.

If I knew he was still on my side, that he was supporting me somehow, I could bear it.

I’d know it would all be okay in the end, as long as I could have just one of his smiles.

But I can’t.

The thought that he may never smile at me again makes me want to curl up in bed and never leave. Or just die. What difference would it make?

The next day I drag myself to Daria’s as promised, though I’m worn so thin I don’t know how much good I’ll do.

Still, I’m the only person still talking to her, so I can’t abandon her now.

Even Elaine has people to sit with at lunch.

Daria floats around in a cloud of pain and loneliness, too hurt to even fight for her place. She chose self-exile instead.

She doesn’t cry at school, though, unlike Lindsey. Lindsey cries all the time—at school, after school, at lunch, at night on the phone with me.

After our visit, Daria drops me off at work. Three hours into my shift, Lindsey calls. She’s a mess, crying that she needs me, she doesn’t know if she can take it anymore. She begs me to come over, so I tell David I’m not feeling well.

I can’t exactly tell Lindsey to get through it on her own when she might do something to hurt herself.

Besides, I’m her best friend now, and that comes with certain obligations.

I may need a job, but I need Lindsey to be okay even more.

So she picks me up, and I spend the rest of the day at her house.

Sunday I call in sick to work and spend the day with Lindsey again. In the evening, Daria texts asking me to come over again, though Lindsey looks like I kicked her puppy when I tell her.

“Why are you still friends with her?” she asks, her eyes welling with tears. “After what she did…”

For one moment, I’m sure she’s going to make me choose between her and Daria. And as much as I’ve done for her, I can’t do that. I jump in before she can give me an ultimatum. It’s a wonder I haven’t had a nervous breakdown by now, and I don’t think I can handle one more thing.

“Look, Lindsey,” I say gently. “You have to forgive her. I don’t know how much more of this I can take, and she didn’t do anything wrong.”

“She knew all along,” Lindsey says, shaking her head stubbornly. “I can’t just forgive that.”

I consider telling her I’ve known for a while, but that wouldn’t help anyone.

“She didn’t tell you because she didn’t want to see you hurting,” I explain. “Do you honestly think she’d hide it to protect Elaine?”

She sniffles, and I know I’m making progress.

At least she’s listening. So I keep talking.

“Daria’s hurting just like you are, Linds.

She needs her best friend right now. And if there’s anyone who can understand what you’re going through, it’s her.

She’s in exactly the same situation you are. Just talk to her, okay? For me?”

Lindsey bites at a hangnail for a second and then sighs. “Fine.”

“You’ll talk to her?”

“I guess I could hear what she has to say for herself.”

“Thank you so much,” I say, pulling her in for a hug, even though it’s outside my comfort zone. “I can’t stand you guys fighting. You’re my best friends.”

I call to let her know Lindsey’s coming by and that I have to go home. “She wants to make up with you,” I assure Daria. “Call me afterwards if you want to talk.”

“You’re the most amazing friend I could ask for,” she says. “I don’t know what I would have done without you this week.”

Hearing her say that makes me want to cry. This whole time I’ve barely gotten to spend any time at all with her, and she’s so grateful for just a little bit of friendship.

If only I could patch up my own broken relationships as easily.

As complicated and sometimes torturous as our friendship has been, I still considered Chase a friend, sometimes a good one.

He stood up for me at a party, got my boss to stop being a creep to me, and most of all, he brought me into the group.

I don’t know what it is that makes him so sure I told Lindsey.

Sometimes it makes me angry thinking about it, wondering how he could think I would do that to him, and more importantly, to Lindsey.

Other times it just makes me want to cry.

I’ve been trying so hard to be strong for my friends, but when I’m finally alone in my room, I let all the tension out and sob my heart out into my pillow.

Some time later, I hear the doorbell downstairs. I don’t realize Daria is in my room until she sits on the bed next to me. “I’m sorry I put everyone through all this,” she says, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“It’s not you,” I say, brushing my tears away, embarrassed. Of all the people who should be crying, I am the last. I should be the one comforting Daria.

“Chase?” she asks in her usual perceptive Daria mode. I want to deny it, but the fresh burst of tears gives it away before I can. “What did he do this time?”

“Nothing.” She’s the only one I can tell though, and the words come pouring out. “He hates me. Or rather, he doesn’t even know I exist anymore.”

“Oh, he knows. What did you do?”

I just shake my head. I can’t tell her. “Nothing,” I repeat.

She studies me for a minute. “He thinks you told Lindsey?”

I nod, impatiently swiping the tears off my cheeks.

“Why didn’t you tell him you didn’t?”

“I did,” I say, throwing my hands up. “He didn’t believe me.”

“You told him it was me, and he didn’t believe you? Everyone knows I have a big mouth. How can he not believe you?”

“I know what you’ve had to deal with all week,” I say, giving her a look. “You didn’t deserve to take any more heat. I’m sorry. I wanted to be with you more, but Lindsey just needed me so much.”

“Girl, I totally get it,” she says, handing me a tissue box. “I’d do the same thing if you and Lindsey had a fight. It’s Lindsey. Of course we’d take her side over anyone else.”

I flop back on the bed. “I didn’t mean to take sides.

I shouldn’t even be friends with Chase, anyway.

After all Lindsey’s been through, I shouldn’t be around him at all.

It was already too hard. It’s better this way.

I won’t be tempted if I don’t hang out with him, if he hates me.

I deserve it for just thinking about him when he’s with Lindsey. ”

“First of all,” Daria says, sounding like her old self, “you’re crazy. You don’t deserve for anyone to hate you. You’ve been there for me, and for Lindsey, this whole week. Chase should be kissing the ground you walk on for cleaning up his mess. And by that, I mean Lindsey.”

I snort and grab the tissue box to clean up my face while she’s talking.

“Secondly, Chase has no right to hate anyone for telling Lindsey. He’s the one who got himself into this mess.

Well, actually that bitch Elaine did, but he was there.

He could have told Lindsey himself, and then Elaine would have been out of the picture a long time ago instead of running around being a backstabbing man-stealing ho-bag. ”

“Good point,” I mutter, tossing a wad of soggy tissues into the trash.

She grins. “I think I had a third point, but I got distracted by hating that evil snake and I forgot it. But I’m going to tell Chase tomorrow. It’s the least I can do, after what you’ve done for me. Lindsey actually apologized to me for being such a crazy bitch.”

“You can’t tell Chase,” I say quickly. “You should have seen him. He was really mad, and you don’t need to lose any more friends. I told you, it’s better this way. It really doesn’t even bother me that much now that I’m used to it.”

“Uh huh. Is that why you’re up here sobbing your eyes out and listening to Jewel?”

“Aww, you’ve finally learned the music of my people,” I tease, trying to lighten the mood.

She rolls her eyes. “Everything I’ve learned about your music has been against my will.”

“But you have learned it.”

“And by now you should have learned that I’m not easily dissuaded,” she says. “I’m telling Chase tomorrow. I’m tired of keeping people’s secrets. If he’s pissed, he can deal with it. I really don’t care—and unlike you, I actually mean that.”