Page 31 of Chasing After You (Twisted Desires #3)

Josh

Dorian was acting weird. I felt like I said that a lot.

But this morning?

He was full-on sitcom dad.

He’d made pancakes topped with strawberries and powdered sugar, and he’d even poured the syrup into a tiny ceramic pitcher like we were at a restaurant.

He didn’t sit across from me like he usually did, either. He hovered, like both a waiter trying to subtly check if I liked the meal and a bomb technician worried I’d explode if he said the wrong thing.

“Thanks,” I said, glancing up at him before cutting into the stack. “You poison these?”

His mouth twitched. “Only a little.”

We shared a look, and to his credit, he didn’t flinch at the joke. Didn’t panic. Just watched me eat like he was afraid I’d vanish mid-bite if he blinked too long.

“You’re trying to be too normal,” I said after a minute, wiping my mouth and sitting back. “Like, aggressively normal.”

He blinked. “Is it that obvious?”

“Yep. Painfully.”

He looked away, shoulders tight, like he’d been dreading that answer. “I just thought… maybe if I did things differently, you’d feel better. Safer.”

I sighed, leaning forward to rest my elbows on the table. “Dori, I do feel safe with you. Mostly. Except for, you know, the whole making-me-unconscious-against-my-will thing. I promise. Can you sit down, please?”

His lips pressed into a thin line as he continued to stand.

I waited, letting the silence settle between us.

“You scared me,” I said finally. “And not just because of the drug, but because I didn’t expect it from you. I’ve always known you were… intense. Controlling. Over-the-top. And honestly, most of the time? I actually kind of like it…”

That made his head snap up. His eyes searched mine, cautious but hopeful.

“I’m not saying it’s healthy. But I’ve been around you long enough now to know that you put your all into things you really care about.

If you love someone, you love them so hard it hurts.

You memorize how they breathe, you learn what kind of creamer they like, act a little too possessive…

a little crazy.” I smiled. “And that’s… okay.

It really is. I don’t need you to be someone else.

But I do need you to understand that I’m allowed to be someone else. ”

He tilted his head, watching me quietly.

“I feel things differently from you,” I went on.

“I don’t always know what I want right away, but I do know what I don’t want.

And I didn’t want that choice taken away from me, Dorian.

No matter if I like… doing stuff with you.

I consented to everything, I-I loved it, I loved how in control you were. But I didn’t consent to the drugs.”

He looked down at the table. “I know.”

“And I get that in your mind, it probably didn’t—maybe still doesn’t—seem like a huge deal. Like, if the outcome is that we both feel good at the end of it, then what’s the harm?”

He didn’t answer.

“It’s okay that you’re intense,” I said. “But if we’re going to keep doing this—whatever this is—I need you to accept that I’ll have boundaries. That sometimes I’ll say no, that you don’t get to decide what’s good for me without me, that you don’t suddenly get to take my safe word away.”

He was quiet for a long time. When he finally spoke, his voice was in a low, measured tone. “And if I mess up again?”

I met his gaze. “Same as what I said before. I’ll leave or I’ll call the police. And I mean that, Dorian. I care about you so much, more than anything, but if I can’t trust you, I can’t stay.”

He nodded once. No argument. No defense. Just a quiet, “Okay.”

I picked up my fork again, chewing slowly, then gave him a crooked smile. “If you wanted to do what you did and you’d just asked me beforehand, I would’ve probably said yes—no need for drugs. I’m learning that I’m a lot kinkier than I thought.”

That startled a laugh out of him—real and unguarded.

“I didn’t think you’d say yes,” he admitted.

“I’d say yes to most things you want to do to me,” I said, nudging the plate forward. “Pass the syrup, please. And sit your butt down. It’s really weird having you standing there just watching me eat.”

* * *

The air had begun to shift between us again. It felt charged. Maybe it was the growing sexual tension between us. For the next couple of days after our… problematic… first time, we stuck to kissing, maybe a little over-the-clothes grinding.

I could tell it was wearing on Dorian.

And I understood why. I’d basically been edging both of us for the better part of a week. I just… just wanted to test his restraint. But by the fifth day, it felt like my seams were pulling apart.

We still hadn’t talked about the future. About what this thing between us really was. Maybe that was on me. I wasn’t sure I was ready for those words yet.

But I was starting to imagine what it would be like if this were permanent. If I stopped saying, “just until I find a new place,” and started saying, “I’m home.”

Paul’s name lit up my phone just after noon, and I stepped outside on the back porch to take it, smiling already.

“Hey, kid,” his voice rasped through the speaker, warm and familiar.

I leaned against the railing. “Hey, old man. What’s up?”

“Well, I wanted to run an idea past you. The guys and I have a stop in Yakima for a couple of days—a fundraiser run and a swap meet. I thought I’d see if you’d like to come down and say hello. Haven’t seen you in a while, y’know?”

I straightened, excitement leaking into my voice. “That’s only like two hours from me. Of course I’ll come! I miss you.”

Paul chuckled fondly. “I miss you, too, kid. It’d be cool to have you meet the guys. They sure hear a lot about you. I think they may think I’m making you up, so we gotta prove them wrong.”

“I’d love to meet them! Um… but what exactly do they know? Am I your son, your nephew, a friend? I wouldn’t want to mess things up.”

He scoffed jokingly, “Hell, they wouldn’t care even if you were my husband.

The club is chill like that. But yeah, they know you as my nephew.

I kept up the father-son shtick for like the first two weeks, then learned there’s no use keeping secrets from the other members.

Figured it wouldn’t hurt anything. You still good on that front? Anyone bothering you?”

A reel of Dorian rolled through my mind.

“No, no, all good here.” Just that I think I have feelings for my probably insane brother. “But uh… I’ve been… getting close to someone. Would it… maybe be okay to bring them with me and introduce them to you?”

He hesitated for a beat, then said, “You trying to tell me something with that tone?”

I flushed, laughing a little. “No. I mean—yes? I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

“It always is, kid. But hey, I’m glad to hear you want to introduce her to me. You never did introduce me to those college girls you went around with. This one must be pretty special, huh?”

“Yeah… um, but just to double check—”

“Boy, you’re killing me. I said it’s okay!”

“ He’s a man,” I blurted out. When Paul remained quiet, I continued. “I-I know you just joked about me being your husband and all, but—I just don’t want to bring him somewhere only to have people judge him. He’s… he’s really important to me.”

“I get it, kid. Don’t worry about it at all, okay?

The President’s husband is our Road Captain, and one of our Enforcers is seeing this little young guy that he brings around.

Oh, also got Brenda, she picks up chicks at every damn stop.

I’m serious! She’s real popular. I’m pretty sure she gets more pussy than all of us combined. ”

I held in my surprise, laughing, as I envisioned this Brenda lady stealing all the girls from the other members. “I can’t wait to meet them all.”

We made plans for me to drive out on Saturday morning, and he gave me the address of the meetup. It felt surreal, like my two lives were about to collide—Paul and bike grease and country roads meeting Dorian and espresso and psychodrama.

That night, I told Dorian while he was reorganizing the spice rack for some reason.

“I got a call from Paul earlier,” I said. Dorian had never met him, but I’d shared enough fun stories about our time living together that he knew who he was—and what he was—to me.

Dorian stilled. “Yeah?”

I nodded. “He’s gonna be near Yakima this weekend. I told him we’d drive out.”

His expression didn’t change, but I could feel the sharp attention in him. “You want me to come?”

I hesitated, pulling my earlobe. “I mean… yeah, if you’re up for it. It’s just like a two-hour drive. I um… I’d like it if you came with.”

He tilted his head and blinked slowly, like I’d offered him something he hadn’t expected. “You want me to meet him? Did you tell him about us? About who I am?”

I shrugged, suddenly feeling a bit awkward. “I told him I’m seeing you and that you’re important to me. But I didn’t say who you were. I didn’t really think about it. He said his club is really inclusive, though, so I don’t think there will be a problem.”

“What is his relation to my mother again?”

“Umm… Oh! Second cousin. Or at least I think that was it.”

“I’m not sure, but he may recognize me then. Are you okay with that?”

“But you haven’t met each other, right?” I asked.

“Not that I recall, but he could’ve met me as a toddler for all I know,” he answered. “Or seen me on the internet. Victoria’s old Instagram or even campaign photos in the news.”

“Oh, I didn’t think of that,” I fretted. “It would still be okay, wouldn’t it? If he recognizes you? We’re not doing anything illegal.”

That earned me a flicker of a smile. “Alright. You said it was two hours? The drive?”

“Yep!” I grinned, feeling warm and bubbly inside.

“I’ll drive. You can be my passenger princess,” he decided.

I let out a startled laugh. “Oh my God, no.”

But he just smirked, lining up the little glass spice jars like they were soldiers in a parade. “Do you want the window seat or my lap, princess?”