Page 133 of Chaos has a Name

So, he shared with Callen.

“I want to endow the Catherine Blackhawk Library,” he said, more tears in his eyes. “She taught me to read, and loved reading books to me. She made sure I wasn’t left behind in learning. I want to give her a memorial that she deserves. I want my mom to be remembered here as my educator. I need her memory to live on for our kids. Without her, I wouldn’t be this man.”

Callen thought that was perfect.

“She’d love that, EJ.”

It was rare that his brother spoke of his mother, and with good reason. So when he spoke of her, Callen listened.

There was pain there, but there was also healing.

It was a raw wound that had never fully healed. It had been what began his spiral into trauma. Losing Catherine had been that first crack in a pristine soul that only fissured bigger over time.

“Her family told her if she married Wyler, she was cut off, and still, she chose this poverty and love over money. I want to be giving like her and her soul. I want people to know that Catherine Kennedy Blackhawk was a good person. I want this to be her legacy. Not me. Not my father. Her kindness.”

Callen dropped his arm over his brother’s shoulders and kissed him on the temple.

“That is a beautiful legacy, EJ. Let’s make it happen. I love reading. Your mother gave me books from the library when I was a child. I would take them home, and hide them so Charlene couldn’t destroy them. She gave me the love of books, and I want to help give that back, if you’ll let me.”

He looked over at his brother.

“You were her child too. I remember the moments she’d hug you and sneak you food. I didn’t understand then, but I understand now. She was your Mom too.”

Yes, yes, she was.

She gave Callen the same loves in life that she shared with Ethan. Catherine would give him Christmas presents that she made.

A coloring book that had things in it that he needed to learn that she hand drew for him.

To that day, he had one of her books that she lent him, and then let him keep. Callen would save that for Christmas to gift his brother. Her handwriting was in it, and it would be a welcome gift, he was sure.

He’d carried it all through life as a way to be connected with Ethan, and now, it was time to share it with him.

Along with compassion, kindness, and love, Catherine had given him that spark of hope, and never made the bastard child that destroyed her marriage pay the price.

She was a good woman.

Without a doubt.

“Maybe we can make it fun,” Ethan said, picturing it. “We can get Dad to carve a totem for the middle of the library, and there can be story times there. Our canoes are in storage, but they would make amazing light fixtures for overhead. It would be a place my mother and our father would be proud of in case he crosses.”

Callen would make it happen.

They would make it happen.

Not only for Catherine, but for Ethan, because clearly, he needed it.

“That sounds like something that could be enjoyed by all. I love me some books.”

Ethan rested his head to the side and on Callen’s cheek as they stood there, imagining the space.

It felt good to give back, and to place themselves into the reservation again.

“I’ll talk to Gene later, and we’ll get started. Can you help me, CJ?” he asked.

His brother could and would do that.

It was clear that Ethan was making his way home via this route.