Page 46 of Chaos
Did I cause this? When I squeezed her too tightly?
“Chaos, what’s wrong? I thought you would be happy?” Judge asks. The doctor is standing there looking at me.
“Did I cause her lung puncture when.... when I hugged her? Did I squeeze too tight?”
I had to ask and I can barely get the question out.
“No son, you didn’t. The bone would have chipped on impact and then her moving around would have caused it to make a bigger impact. You did nothing wrong,” the doctor reassures me.
I think he’s lying but he’s the expert.
“I need to see her. When can I see her,” I demand.
“I will take you to her now,” the doctor tells.
I get up and follow him out the room and down the hospital corridors until we reach the ICU unit, and the doctor turns to face us all.
“One at time, for only a few minutes and then someone can stay overnight with her,” he warns.
Nodding, I go first. There laid on white sheets, looking so small and vulnerable, lays my heart. Machines beep all around us. I slowly lower into the chair at the side of her bed and take her hand in mine, pouring my heart out.
“You gave me such a scare Sweetpea. I thought you were leaving me. I love you so much and I cannot live in this world without you. We have an amazing future ahead of us. So many plans. I will build you the house of your dreams right on the compound, so you are always safe. We can have as many children as you like or none at all. You will want for nothing and feel loved, cared for and safe for the rest of your life. A very long happy life.”
Tears are falling down my cheeks onto her hand, as I press kisses to her palm over and over.
“I love you too. yes, to all of that and more,” a croak startles me.
“Jesus fuck Liv, I love you,” I tell her as I stand, leaning over, kissing her head.
“Love you too Declan,” she says with a smile on her face.
Life is now exactly as it should be.
Olivia and me, Ride or die.
Twenty
Olivia
Ican go home, finally. I’ve been stuck in this awful hospital room for just over a week. Declan has struggled to leave my side. After the first few days, I had to force him with the help of Mayhem to go home and shower properly, eat and get some sleep in a proper bed. He’s been sleeping on a pull out in my hospital room, which can’t be comfy at all. Plus, he needs some proper food in him. Hospital food is disgusting, how can they expect people to get better, if this they are feeding them this crap.
Today though, I get to go home and sleep in my own bed. Well Declan’s bed but still. I’ve had a few nightmares and I can see Declan watching me as if I’m going to break. He hasn’t come right out and asked me what happened in that basement. I’m glad because I don’t want to tell him. I know in the back of my mind, he won’t see me any different but knowing another man had touched me like that, I worry he would treat my differently. I’m not worried about getting intimate with Declan, I don’t flinch or anything now when he touches me. My nightmares are not about what Rattle did to me. They are about Voodoo and Dad. I unlock the door and Dad is dead on the other side. Voodoo dies tied to that chair.
I know Psycho and Riot took care of the Wanker crew. They can’t hurt me anymore and I think that is why I am able to slowly move passed what has happened. It will take time and I’m not over it just yet. I will never forget it but I will be able to move forward. That is due to love and support from Declan and the brothers. Each of them has visited me every day, bringing flowers, chocolates, things to read, a little present, just something to show they are thinking of me and care. For big badass bikers, they really are just soft teddy bears at heart.
For the next part of my recovery and getting on with my life is not something I am looking forward to talk to dad about. He has mentioned a few times about when I come home things will be different at the club, but the thing is, I am home. Home is with Declan and the rest of the Road Wreckers. Logan has become a huge part of my life and has drawn me get well soon cards and pictures. He truly is the sweetest little boy. Mayhem has even brought him to visit once I moved from the ICU to a normal ward. He was so careful giving me a hug.
One day, I hope I have a boy of my own, just as sweet as Logan is, but that is in a few years’ time. I want to enjoy life with Declan first and find the person I am now that I’m free from the Wanker crew. I honestly hope dad understands. I spoke to Voodoo yesterday when he visited and he understood. He told me to be honest with dad and he would be sad to not see me every day but he only wants what is best for me and what makes me happy. The Road Wreckers make me happy; Declan makes me happy. For once I am excited about the future and all the possibilities it holds for me.
“Ready to break out of this joint Sweetpea?” Declan asks as he enters my hospital room.
“I was born ready,” I reply in my best Sally Fields from Smokey & The Bandit impression.
It’s my favourite film and Declan’s too.
He chuckles and grabs my bag from the bed.
“Let’s go start the rest of our lives Sweetpea.”
“I can’t wait,” I smile back at him.
The End