Page 4

EMBER

“You gonna be okay sleeping in here?” Reaper asks. His large frame leaning against the doorframe.

“I’ll be fine.” It was a total lie. I wasn’t okay. Nowhere near okay.

I didn’t want to be sleeping at the clubhouse, but that’s exactly where I was sleeping.

To make it worse, I was in the room right next door to Cerberus’s.

I’d seen him go into his room earlier when Reaper and Angel showed me to this one.

Before I went away to school, my room had been next to Reaper’s and across from Angel’s, but that one is now used by the twins when they’re here. Which they were now.

After I shared with the club what went down with Samir, Reaper made a call to Ivy. Within twenty minutes, all the women and kids were at the clubhouse, and Reaper called for a partial lockdown.

My other two uncles were pissed with Reaper though. He never shared, and I’m thankful for that, but Tombstone and Angel were not. They wanted to ask me about it more, though they didn’t.

I should’ve taken Cerberus up on his offer for a shirt before they got back.

Instead, I was stubborn and refused his offer.

I’d been surprised by the fact he was being kind to me or even speaking at all.

I get him seeing me and giving me a lift.

Being a part of the club, me being who I am to the club, it’s part of his job, I suppose.

With everything that went down between us back when we were finishing high school, I’d let it go. No matter what anyone thinks, I’d let it go. Since leaving and going to school, I’ve grown up. Found the type of person I wanted to be.

What did get to me was that when I came back home, Cerberus had looked right through me. Didn’t seem to care one bit that I was back. It shouldn’t bother me, but I mean, he was the first guy I really cared about, maybe even loved.

I knew for certain that I’d loved Dex, but I wasn’t in love with him, and he hadn’t been in love with me. Our ending the relationship worked out for the best. Plus, as beautiful as Montana is, it wasn’t home. Texas is home, and it always will be.

“You need anything, you know where to find one of us,” Reaper grunts straightening from the doorframe.

“I know.” I nod and meet his gaze. “Thank you.”

“For what?” he asks, cocking a brow.

“For not telling them,” I whisper, dropping my gaze.

“You talk to anyone about it?” Reaper steps into the room, not closing the door fully but just enough to give us privacy.

“Not really.” I shrug. “I try not to think about it, but how can I not when I’m scarred with reminders of what happened?”

“You should talk to someone, Em,” he murmurs. “I’ll listen. Like I did when you first confided in me, but you need to talk to someone. Whether it be a professional or someone else.” Sitting on the edge of my bed, he keeps his head twisted to watch me.

“I did talk to a counselor about it, but it didn’t help. I just need to overcome the nightmare.” I don’t think I ever will, though.

“Wish I’d been the one to kill the bastard that hurt you.”

I knew this too. Reaper had wanted the name of the man who hurt me, but there was nothing he could do about it. My attacker was dead.

“I know,” I whisper.

Reaper gets to his feet. “Get some rest, I’ll make sure you have a new phone tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Uncle Reaper.” I used his earlier to call into work. I explained that my phone had died and hadn’t been able to call in until I got somewhere after my car broke down.

Thankfully, they understood and said they’d explain it to the big boss.

Being that I just started working at the dispatch center, I didn’t want to be causing waves.

I was still on probationary status for the time being.

Meaning, I couldn’t afford for things like this to happen.

It would go against me, and I didn’t want that. I liked my job.

“You know I’m still going to have to go to work,” I tell my uncle when he gets to the door.

“We’ll figure something out. When’s your next shift?”

“Day after tomorrow, shifts seven A to seven P,” I tell him. I do like the fact I work twelve-hour shifts still.

“Right,” Reaper grunts with a nod. “I’ll stick Cerberus on you. He’ll take you to work. Bring you back.”

Cerberus ?

Was he serious right now?

I don’t get to ask my uncle this very question because he takes that moment to close the door, leaving me to my thoughts.

What in the hell is he thinking putting Cerberus on me? He’s got to be joking. I hope so, but I know he’s not. Reaper wouldn’t joke about who he’s putting on me.

Sucking in a breath, I roll out of the bed and walk over to the duffel bag Ivy brought with her for me.

It was filled with items I’d left at her and Reaper’s house when I moved into my apartment.

She suggested that I keep a go back at their place as a precaution.

I agreed because I knew what she meant. Lockdowns happened, and you never knew when you needed to be ready.

I gather up my bathroom stuff and head for the attached bathroom. Glad to not have to use a shared one like some of the other people in the clubhouse had to.

I set my stuff in the shower, turn it on, and without looking in the mirror, I strip off my clothes.

Checking to see if the water is warm enough, I climb in, taking a quick shower, but making sure to scrub every inch of my body, scrubbing harder where Samir touched me.

I didn’t want to think about him either.

I try my hardest to erase his touch, still I can feel it like it was burned into my skin as my scars were.

Finally, when the water starts to go cold, I shut the water off, grab a towel, dry off and go back in my room in search of clothes. I pull on a pair of panties and a tank top.

Digging in the bag, I find my brush and run it through my hair, getting the tangles out before braiding it down my back.

It’s one of the better ways of keeping it from being a total rat’s nest come morning.

No matter how often I’ve thought about cutting it, I can’t bring myself to do it.

The last time I was in Virginia visiting Bethany, Emerson, one of the Devil’s Riot MC ol’ ladies, trimmed my hair for me.

Not exactly wanting to go to sleep yet, but also wanting to be alone, I climb into the bed, pull the covers over me, and grab the remote.

I figure I can relax by binge-watching The Rookie for a while until I fall asleep.

There’s nothing better than watching Bradford and Chin together. I’m totally for them getting together.

I watched three episodes before growing tired.

Scooching down in the blankets, I curl up, find a music channel to put on, and set the remote aside.

I can’t sleep when the room is pitch dark, and I can’t sleep with a show playing.

Music is different, though. I can fall asleep to music. It’s soothing. Calming to my soul.

But even music, as much as I love it, can’t protect me from the demons of my own dreams.