Page 76 of Caught in the Crossfire

“Yeah,ángel?”

She was quiet for a long while. Fuck, had I upset her earlier somehow? I knew I had messed up. I opened my mouth to ask, to apologize, but she spoke. “Is there a reason none of you want me?”

My heart stopped. “Non—none of us want you?”

I wanted her so much I had to stop myself in the bathroom. My brain whirred as I tried to find my misstep—and then it hit me.

“None of you have even tried to touch me since I got back. Well, there have been kisses and cuddles. But anything more than that, and you all seem to shut down and pull away. I understand you’re probably nervous about upsetting me or hurting me…but Isee the way you look at my bruises. I see the way you flinch at my scar. I know I don’t look the same, and...” She trailed off, voice wobbling. Then she cleared her throat and swiveled in the chair to face me. “I know you’ll tell me the truth when no one else will, so I’m asking you. Is there a reason?”

We’d fucked up. Again.

In the bathroom, and over the last three weeks, I’d been worried about triggering something for her. But we’d made her think we didn’t want her. And now she thought she was less sexy? Less incredible? Less brilliant?

She wasLeona.

She was everything.

And we’d made her feel like nothing. Like she wasn’t the singular star in our darkness.

“Get up.”

She frowned, but stood. “Ciel?—”

“Come here.”

When she walked close enough, I clasped her arm and pulled her onto my lap. She straddled me in the computer chair. I threaded my hands through her hair and brought her lips to mine. Her mouth was hot as I licked its seam, practically begging her to open for me. She did with a whimper, and I didn’t hesitate to show her how desperately I had wanted to kiss her for weeks. How not touching her had felt like being a plant without water. How I could never get enough of her.

“Ángel.” I grabbed her hips and dragged her core over my hard on. “Does that feel like I don’t want you?”

She ground down on me with a whispered, “No.”

“That’s right. I want you in my bed. I want you by my side. I want youalways.”

“Ciel,” she murmured against my lips. “I missed you all so much. I feel like I’m still missing you.” She pulled back to look at me. “I appreciate how careful you all have been. I don’t know ifI’m ready for sex yet, but I…I need to feelneeded. Please don’t shut me down.”

“Never,” I replied, sealing my lips to hers again. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

“It’s okay,” she said softly. “This is…I don’t know what to do either. I just know I can’t bear the thought of none of you wanting me anymore. We were just finding ourselves as a group. I don’t want what happened to change anything.”

“It’s not okay.” I ran my fingers under her shirt where it touched her waist. She sighed, linking her arms over my shoulders. “Let me make it up to you. Let me show you how I feel.”

“Please.”

I pressed kisses to the column of her neck, relishing the sharp intake of her breath and the flutters of her throat. My computer chair creaked while she rocked her hips against me, her fingers digging into my shoulders for purchase. I didn’t need to be inside her to come all over the inside of my boxers, and I would if she kept moving like that, but this was about her. This was about proving to her that there was nothing she could do that would make me love her, want her, less.

Love.

My mouth opened on its own, ready to spill my heart before her. But I hesitated. What if she didn’t feel the same way? What if it just put even more pressure on her, and she wasn’t ready?

Yet as my hands warmed against her bare skin, feeling her real andalivein my lap, I realized how fleeting all of this could be. And I wouldn’t spend another second without her knowing how I felt about her.

“I love you, Leona,” I whispered. It was my prayer, my devotion. I pressed my cheek to hers. “Nothing you can ever say or do will change the way I feel about you, and what you’ve done for my life. I see you, and I love you.”

Her eyes welled with tears. She cupped my cheeks and rubbed her thumbs across my jaw.

“It’s okay,” I said, filling the space between us. “You don’t have to say it back, now or ever. You just deserve to know.”

She shook her head, a smile breaking over her face. “I love you, too, Ciel. You have no idea what you mean to me. The place you hold in my heart. You’re my perfect partner in crime.”