Page 21 of Canyon of Deceit
TWENTY
THERESE
I’d never been violated. Nothing had ever stalked me with such fear... The urge to vomit engulfed me, as though Chandler’s filthy hands were all over me.
“He watched us while we slept,” I said through a quivering voice. I wanted to scream, hear my voice echo off the rock formations.
“Therese.” Blane spoke my name in a soft whisper. “Lift your chin and take a deep breath.”
I shivered with fiery rage. “I don’t want to calm down. I want to kill Chandler with my bare hands.”
“He had the opportunity to do the same to us while we slept. It’s his game, but he hasn’t won. Look at me. Please.”
I gazed into Blane’s calm face and warm eyes. He laid his hands on my shoulders. “Breathe in and out with me.”
“I... can’t.”
“I believe in you, Therese. You’re smart and courageous.” His gentleness lulled me to listen. “Inhale with me.”
I followed his lead.
“Exhale with me.”
I did.
“This time inhale your resolve to free Alina.”
His bidding was easier.
“Exhale your terror and doubt.”
That was harder, but I complied. A deep part of me longed for more of Blane’s strength. I leaned into his strong arms, and he pulled me close. There I took refuge from my emotions.
My fear for Alina.
My suspicion that Rurik had not told us everything. Even lied for selfish reasons.
My foolishness for falling asleep and not hearing Chandler steal our guns.
My sin of not thanking God for saving us. The worry and doubt.
My past laced with sadness and abandonment.
My anger at God for taking my sweet sister, Mom, and Dad.
My longing to stay in Blane’s arms where safety nested.
I cared for him, but he had forbidden stamped on his very being. His comfort touched me tenderly. His soft voice and perfect words were part of him. Did he have any idea what his nearness meant to me?
Releasing my personal sentiments about life’s unfairness didn’t discount my responsibility. I had a job to do.
I lifted my head from his chest, wet with my tears. “Thank you. I’m sorry my idiocy and meltdown slowed us.”
“Never apologize for being human.” He brushed the wetness from my cheeks with his thumb, and in his brown eyes I saw what I’d wanted all my life, love that didn’t make demands. Cared about me.
God, why have You made my life so hard, and now I care for a man who doesn’t believe he needs You.
Embarrassment and humiliation spread through my body like a fever. I’d not cried that hard and long since my family’s passing. Normally I pumped control into my emotions, but Chandler’s thievery had attacked me blind.
“We hadn’t fooled Chandler by rerouting our direction,” Blane said. “He won this round.”
I gazed out across the gray-brown rock and vegetation, allowing my attention to rest on a pine tree, the only indication of green.
Something in me clicked, as though God was giving me a reality check.
“Since he’s trailing us, is it possible the kidnapper and Alina are in another location, and Chandler is working solo? ”
Blane startled. “Sounds crazy, but the same thing just darted in my head.”
I smiled. “I’d tell you where it came from, but that would be preaching.”
He angled his head and nodded. “You might be right and onto more truth than the absurdity of our thoughts—no matter where they come from. If Chandler tucked the kidnapper and Alina in a hidden place and then followed us, his actions are typical of his behavior. The game is in his playbook. He waits to strike the victim unaware and gains satisfaction in seizing control.”
“From what you’ve learned, what drives him other than what we discussed?”
Blane pressed his lips together. “His young critical years were met with neglect, abuse, and abandonment. I believe his grandmother worked hard to make up for what he’d missed, but the hurt and pain wouldn’t allow him to choose the right path or move past his unmet needs.
In my opinion, he’s searching to soothe his pain by inflicting suffering on others. ”
I stood on shaky legs and paced. The scrape on my leg stung. “He’s dangerous. A highly intelligent killer who has nothing to lose.”
“I agree. His actions border on suicide. Life is hell for him, and death may look like a reward.”
“How sad a soul is lost who sees no path forward.” I paused. “I have no idea who said that. But it fits.”
“We need a strategy and firepower. I recommend we wait for backup. We’re defenseless without weapons.”
Blane spoke wisdom, but I couldn’t bring myself to agree. “The longer we wait to find Alina, the more her chances of survival decrease.”
“How do you propose we free her? Defend ourselves? Do you have a bow and arrow in your backpack? Some magic flash of lightning to call up from your God?” He stopped abruptly. “I’m sorry. This isn’t a time to argue.”
I’d failed Kate, but giving up on Alina meant another little girl’s death. Injustice surged in me, hot and irrational, like moments ago when I swam upstream in a river of emotion. “I promised Rurik—”
“To do your best to free his daughter. Your best doesn’t mean to fight against incredible odds and sacrifice your life.”
“You don’t understand. I’ve failed.”
Blane frowned. “By allowing backup to help us?”
“Just say it. Forget the negotiation trash. Say it!”
“Why is it so important to rescue Alina on your own?”
His in-control and quiet mannerisms were meant to calm me, so I’d return to some type of a civilized human. But my rage burned hotter. “Didn’t you hear me? One more time I’ve failed.”
The lines around his eyes softened. “That’s not true. You haven’t failed anyone but your own high expectations. And those aren’t realistic. You are the survival expert, the guide, the one who can hike these mountains blindfolded.” He took a step closer. “You have nothing to prove to anyone.”
His words hit too close to the truth. I drew back to slap him, but he grabbed my wrist. “Therese, I’m not the enemy. Never have been.”
“Let go of me.” I trembled. When had I ever experienced such anger?
“Breathe in and out.”
My emotions were off the charts and impossible to rein in. Lord, help me. Shame washed over me as though I’d bathed in mud.
“Inhale with me.” Blane released my wrist. “I’ll help you.”
Who was I, and why had I let fear rule me? I certainly hadn’t handled this morning well. I conceded to Blane’s bidding, and my rage lessened. We breathed together again. “Blane. I’m sorry. I’m the one who is supposed to show you how being a Christian makes a difference.”
“You could have pushed me over these rocks.”
I blinked back wetness and gave him a weak smile. “That’s little consolation.”
“Think about all you’ve been through. Since Rurik called you at 2:00 a.m. on Thursday, you’ve raced to find Alina.
Daria’s remains were discovered burned. You’ve been shot.
Rurik’s withheld information. Chandler’s stolen our weapons.
We’ve met repeated defeating moments. Anyone else would have given up long ago, but not you, Therese Palmer.
You are overflowing with despair and bravery. ”
I valued his gift of empathy, but he’d forgotten one important factor. “This hasn’t been a me-experience but a we-experience. You’ve walked with me every step of the way. I appreciate you, and I’m sorry for the trouble I’ve caused this morning.”
“It’s okay. Be on the lookout. My finer moments will come riding in like a herd of mustangs. Might send you to the hills.” He held his satellite phone in his left hand. “I’m calling Sergio and requesting all the backup available ASAP.”
“I... suppose you’re right. I’m better.” I gulped. “So humiliated.”
“No need. We’re good. My guess is today triggered something from the past.” He started to say more but touched my arm instead and stared into my eyes. “When this is over, we can talk if you like. Or I can recommend a professional counselor.”
I met his gaze. No hint of condemnation. “Thank you. I’ll think about it.” I pointed to his phone. “I’ll look for a spot to land a helo.”
While he made the call, I crawled low to the top of the ridge, favoring my wounded leg, and used my binoculars to explore the elevation around us.
The steep, rocky slopes promised more of the same terrain with less vegetation and trees.
I scanned the vast area, although if I stood, Chandler would have an easy time eliminating me.
I whirled around at Blane. “There isn’t a safe spot to land here. Chandler would pick them off like swatting flies on a picnic table full of food. We need to find a location higher up with less exposure. And I know where.”