Page 20 of California Love Songs (The Davenports, #4)

Chapter Thirteen

D amien was still reeling when he got back to his place. He felt as though Crystal had slapped him. Treat her like one of his groupies? Where had that even come from?

There was no way he could sleep with the frustrated desire coursing through him, so he did what he always did when he was troubled.

He picked up a guitar. As he sat there, playing familiar tunes, a song began to play inside his head.

It was just the first line, but he felt his feelings begin to take shape, as they so often did, through songwriting.

With the song almost writing itself in his mind, his fingers tingling as they plucked the guitar strings, Damien knew he had to lay it down.

Normally, he liked to have two people—one producing or handling the synthesizer while he was actually singing—but he didn’t want another person with him right now. He had to play both roles.

He wanted the simplicity, almost the rawness, of his voice and the guitar alone. Somehow, it felt more truthful. So that’s what he did. He wrote a song. For Crystal.

He played it back and then did one more take. By the time he was finished, it was six in the morning and he’d helped clarify his own feelings. He felt calmer. Stronger.

The sun was coming up, and he felt a lot better. He was still confused, but maybe he was wrapping his head around what had just happened with Crystal. The song had revealed his true feelings to himself in the way that only music could.

Damien showered and then made himself some green tea and his usual plant-based breakfast concoction.

His siblings might mock it, but he swore by it.

It kept him healthy, and he was convinced his clean diet got him through rigorous tour schedules without getting sick.

He wiped up a few stray chia seeds, then wondered if he should finally go to bed and try to get some sleep.

But he was still too full of energy. His first thought was to go for a run on the beach, to exhaust his body so his mind could finally rest, but then the real solution came to him.

He needed to talk to somebody—preferably someone who would listen before rushing in with advice.

Erin was the one he could really talk to. She was the listener in the family, the one busy observing and not so busy flapping her mouth.

It was getting on for seven and he wasn’t sure whether it might be too early to call her, so he sent a text.

To his delight, she responded right away, and they agreed to meet on the beach and walk the dogs.

He hadn’t specifically said, “Don’t bring Jay,” but Erin, perceptive as she was, would doubtless show up alone.

He swung by the family home to pick up Buster, knowing how much the dog loved the beach. His mom was reading the paper when he let himself in, her first coffee of the day in her hand. She looked surprised to see him.

“Thought I’d take Buster for a walk with Erin and Boswell,” he said by way of explanation.

His mom smiled. “It’s nice to see you spend time with your siblings now that you’re home for a while,” she said. “It’s the small moments, like walks on the beach or grabbing a quick coffee, that you don’t realize you’ve missed until you have them again.”

His mom was right. She was always right. It was the small things he missed about being home. Buster, who was acting like he hadn’t seen Damien in at least a year, was jumping up and down at the sight of the leash.

Damien shook his head. “Don’t you ever walk this dog?”

She laughed. “Twice a day. But you could walk him seventeen times a day and he’d still act like a shut-in.”

So he and Buster bounded off on their adventure and soon caught up with Erin on the beach with both her dog, Boswell, and Jay’s rescue, Nelson.

How Erin handled both excitable dogs as well as Jay and worked a full-time job was impressive.

He gave his sister a big hug, and Buster and the dogs greeted each other with ecstatic enthusiasm, even though they’d all been at breakfast together only the day before.

They settled into step with each other, and Erin immediately asked him what was up.

He was kind of surprised. “Why does something have to be going on for me to want a walk with my little sister?”

She laughed. “I know you. You wouldn’t be texting me so early in the morning suggesting a walk if you didn’t have something on your mind.”

“Busted.” Damien laughed, but there was a sadness to it even he could hear.

Now that they were together and walking, he wasn’t sure how to begin.

When he’d felt compelled to tell Erin about the events of the previous night, he hadn’t thought through the fact that she and Crystal were best friends.

He and Erin were siblings, but girls’ code came first with Erin and Crystal, and his sister was a loyal and protective friend.

He should really keep what had happened to himself.

And yet, he couldn’t. He really needed advice. He needed a woman’s advice, and he couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather tell than Erin.

He turned to her and found her gazing at him with those steady eyes that saw so much. The breeze tossed her honey-colored hair around her face, and she pushed a strand behind her ear in a no-nonsense manner as she waited patiently for him to begin.

“The brother-sister bond trumps the girlfriend bond, right?” He could hear the tentative note in his voice and watched as Erin’s calm expression morphed into one of concern.

Slowly she said, “Well, I guess it depends on whether you’ve broken one of those bonds.”

He shoved his hand in his hair. He was pretty sure he hadn’t. But had he?

“Look, I want to tell you something that happened, and I just would really appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone else.”

Now her frown deepened. “Here’s what I’m prepared to do—I won’t break a confidence, but if you’ve hurt someone I care about, I’m going to act in the way I think is right. If that’s not okay, don’t tell me whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

He respected that a lot. There was a reason he went to Erin when he had something serious to talk about. She was absolutely reliable, completely honest, and she wouldn’t ever betray a confidence. But if she felt uncomfortable, she would refuse to even listen to the confidence. That was fair enough.

Damien could trust Erin with his secret, but he also understood he was putting her in a difficult position.

Maybe he should keep his confusion to himself, go write another song, and see if he could work out his emotions that way.

He’d done that often enough—writing tunes that spoke to his deepest longings and frustrations.

He tried to be honest in his communications, whether through song or simply in a conversation on the beach with his sister.

But he’d already worked through part of that in the song he’d finished this morning.

Now he really needed to talk to a human being. He needed to talk to Erin. “That’s fair,” he said.

She nodded once, and they fell into step again.

Giving himself time to find the right words, he threw a ball for Buster, and of course, all three dogs went tearing after it, ears and fur and tails flying.

It was hard to hold onto worries when your feet were in the golden sand of Carmel Beach, and dogs were racing, and ahead of them two people were holding hands.

Maybe everything would be okay.

Still looking ahead at the horizon, he said, “Crystal and I went salsa dancing last night.”

Hearing his tone must have alerted Erin that more than a little twirling and dipping had taken place. “Okay,” she said somewhat cautiously.

He let out a breath. Fortunately, at that moment, Nelson came bounding up and dropped a ball at his feet.

He took the opportunity to bend down and chuck the thing and watch all three dogs go bounding after it again.

He was wearing dark glasses and a ball cap, which were usually enough to stop people from recognizing him right away.

It also meant Erin couldn’t see his eyes, which he was kind of happy about.

His sister saw way too much. He was confused enough about his feelings.

He didn’t really want that confusion to show.

He kept the story as simple as possible. “We had a great time.And then I don’t know what happened. We kissed.”

Erin stopped walking and stared at him. She was also wearing sunglasses. But he knew shock when he saw it.

Slowly, she said, “You and Crystal kissed.”

“Yes.”

“But you’re friends. You’ve been friends for fifteen years.”

“I know. And here’s the thing. She’s still one of my best friends. I don’t know how it happened or why it happened. It just happened.” He could hear the note of near desperation in his tone.

Erin walked a few more steps in silence and then said, “Did you want it to happen?”

Had he? He genuinely had no idea. Sure, he’d been thinking about it constantly, but maybe a part of him had meant to keep it that way—a secret, sexy fantasy—before it got out of control and potentially ruined one of his most important friendships.

He sighed and kept his gaze on the dogs skittering across the sand.

“I mean, at the time I did. Crystal is obviously gorgeous and sweet and smart and fun to be around, and we’d been dancing all night.

It just felt natural.” He paused. Natural wasn’t nearly enough to describe the intensity between them.

“Not just natural. It felt good. I mean sexy.”

Erin spun round then and he could feel the glare right through her polarized sunglasses. Obviously, it was not easy to hear her brother describe kissing her best friend as sexy . He swallowed.

“Is that all that happened? A kiss?” She didn’t sound thrilled about this news.

He nodded sharply. “I—yes, that’s all that happened. I mean, I think there was a moment when we both thought about more, and then she pulled away and told me—” He took a breath. “—that she wouldn’t be one of my groupies.”

As he said the words aloud, he realized how much they had hurt him. When had he ever thought of Crystal as a groupie? She was his closest friend. And yet, a small voice inside him said that maybe what she really meant was that she didn’t want casual sex.

What if she hadn’t stopped him? Was that all it would have been? A night of pleasure for them both with no promises, no commitments?

But no, this was Crystal. Nothing between them could be casual. They knew each other too well, were too embroiled in each other’s lives. His mom already treated her like another daughter.

“What did you say?” Erin asked.

He felt sort of stupid now. “I said something about us being friends, maybe more than friends.”

Erin nodded and they kept walking. This time it was her turn to throw the ball when Buster dropped it at her feet.

He wished he could enjoy the beach as much as the dogs, whose only worry was who got to the ball first, the three of them running for the joy of running.

Maybe that’s what he should have done instead of walking with Erin.

Maybe he should be pounding the sand in running shoes, getting some of this frustration out of his body and giving his swirling head a rest.

Finally, Erin spoke. “You know Crystal isn’t the casual sex type, don’t you?”

Of course he knew that. He nodded grimly. He could tell his sister was not exactly pleased about his revelation.

Erin continued, “I know she’s hot and sexy and puts on these great parties, but she’s a very traditional woman at heart. You can’t mess with her.”

“I wasn’t,” he said, feeling like he was struggling to defend himself. “I would never, ever do anything to hurt Crystal. You know I wouldn’t.”

“Sometimes we hurt people without meaning to. How did you leave it?”

He shrugged. “I watched her go inside her house and shut the door. I drove home and I stayed up all night and wrote a song.”

She looked slightly mollified at that. “Well, I’m pleased to know that you can feel bad after messing with my friend.”

“I didn’t mess with her, okay? One kiss. That’s all it was.” Then he thought about it and had to amend his statement. “One spectacular, out-of-this-world kiss.”

Now she took off her sunglasses altogether to stare at him. She didn’t say it, but she didn’t have to. It was in her expression.

Uh-oh .

Uh-oh was right. Maybe talking to Erin had been a bad idea. Maybe he had messed up even more than he’d realized.