32
R ose blinked back the tears burning in her eyes. She wasn’t afraid to admit to herself that she was an emotional mess. The roller-coaster devastating low of leaving him was now tempered by the high of seeing him again.
Having his arms wrapped around her as he swore he loved her, reassuring her she’d never have to survive alone again, was a temptation her cautious side warned her not to trust. She’d learned her lessons the hard way too many times to risk putting everything in his hands now. While Janek hunted for her, she would never be safe. If Caleb was with her, he wouldn’t be either. She wanted to grab onto what he offered with both hands and never let go. However, doing so could doom them both.
The whistle of the kettle boiling snapped her out of her daze, and she stepped back to remove it from the stovetop. She could use the electric kettle which came with the villa, but she preferred the tea-making ritual she’d perfected over the years. It soothed something deep inside her when everything else failed—everything but being wrapped in Caleb’s arms.
It was hard to focus when being near him made her chest quake and her lungs shrink to where she struggled to take a deep breath. It was a confounding mystery how both those things also made her feel as if her whole being was refreshed at the same time. Maybe they needed to take a moment. “Come with me to the store.” As soon as she said it, she knew it was the right thing, even as disappointment dimmed the hope in his eyes. Unable to resist his pain, she stroked her fingers along his jaw. “We can grab coffee and something for dinner, so we don’t have to leave the house to get supplies for the next few days.”
He stepped away from her, and she felt the loss of his touch. Caleb scrubbed his hand over his head from front to back. He nodded and waved in the direction of the door. “Lead the way.”
Rose paused a moment in front of him. Regret for putting a pause on their reunion almost shattered her resolve, but she was determined to ignore it. Words were easy to say. He said he loved her. She thought maybe he did. But how could she ask him to leave his brother, his job, and his whole world, just for her? “I—I’ll—um—get my keys.”
“Okay.”
She hurried through the living room and out onto the covered terrace where she’d left her Kindle and her purse earlier. Away from his overwhelming presence, she blew out a slow breath, struggling for composure.
Caleb is here.
Here.
Now, what do I do?
Everything she knew she’d ever wanted was just at her fingertips. So close to being her in grasp, it tantalized and tempted. But how could she live with herself if Janek found them and hurt him or worse? Life knowing Caleb died because of her was something she couldn’t fathom. She never wanted to know what that was like.
The views of Mount Vesuvius, which had captivated her every single day since Gunnar from the Four X’s Group and his wife, Jorja, had driven her here under a cloak of darkness just over a month ago, no longer held any allure, because the man standing in her kitchen was more powerful than any volcano, iconic or not.
“Rose?”
She snatched up her purse and whirled toward his voice. “Coming.” She checked to make sure her keys were in it before walking toward him and lied through her teeth. “Sorry, I keep getting distracted by the view.”
“It’s stunning.”
There was an undercurrent between them now—one she should have expected but hadn’t. One she should keep firmly in place, but she didn’t want to. She made sure the terrace door was locked and let him out of the house to the street. “It’s this one here.”
“Where?”
“This one.” She pointed to the tiny two-seater electric car and pointed the remote at it, unlocking the doors, then glanced at him and changed her mind about driving to the store. “Um, maybe we should walk, because I don’t think you’re going to fit in it.” She snickered at the incredulous look that flickered across his face when he realized she didn’t have a monster truck like he was used to driving. “It’s not far...”
“I’ll fit.” Caleb opened the passenger door. “I forgot about the tiny streets over here for a second. I’ll drive.”
It didn’t bother her which one of them drove, so she nodded and sat in to the car. He closed the door and went around to the driver’s side. Rose watched in amusement as he shifted the seat back as far as it would go before he almost folded himself in half to fit his long legs into the seat and his body behind the steering wheel. “Maybe I should drive?—”
“I won’t breathe until we get there,” he grumbled. “It will be fine.” He started the engine and glanced at her. His knees hit the steering wheel when he lifted his foot off the gas. “You need to belt up.”
So enthralled by his efforts to get comfortable in the tiny car, she’d forgotten all about it. “I was busy figuring out where I’m going to get a crane to pull you out of the car when we get to the store.” She tugged on the seatbelt and threw it a dirty look when it got stuck and refused to come out. “Seriously?—”
“Let me.” He awkwardly used the hand closest to her. It skimmed across her chest as he reached for the seatbelt. “Sometimes a gentle touch is better than brute force.” Her breathing hitched as he freed the belt and drew it across her body, clipping it closed. “Comfy?”
“Y—yes.” She had to learn to ignore his answering smile. If she didn’t, then she’d fall under his spell again, and before she knew it, they’d be back where they were a month ago, with nothing settled between them.
A month ago was hot.
A month ago was fun.
A month ago was…
Mind-blowing…
Eye-opening…
Shut up.
She didn’t need her internal voice to tell her how much the time spent in Montana with Caleb had been everything she craved, needed, and wanted her life to be. Because a month ago in Montana, she’d had the chance to learn what it meant to be worshipped and, yes, no matter how much she didn’t want to admit it to herself, to be both loved and to love with an intensity which made her soul sing.
As Caleb took the turn into the grocery store parking lot, she gave herself a brief moment to pretend this could be her life forever.
“I can run in and grab it.” Rose could already tell parking was going to be a problem. “It’s only coffee, so I’ll be five minutes tops as long as the queue at the checkout isn’t ten miles long.”
Caleb circled the parking lot again and growled softly under his breath. “This is freaking ridiculous, is every tourist in Italy at the grocery store today?” As soon as he tapped the brakes and eased the car to a stop, Rose unclipped her seatbelt and put her hand on the door. “I’ll be waiting, okay?”
“For me to get out?” She grinned over her shoulder. “Or for me to come back?”
“No, neither of those things.” He brushed his fingers down her arm. “For you to admit...” He snapped his mouth shut, cutting off what he’d been about to say.
“Admit what?”
“That you love me.”
Arrogant jerk .
“Say it.” He tried to twist in the seat, but the steering wheel prevented him from turning fully toward her. “Please, just say it, Say it. ‘I love you.’ If you feel it, it’s not that difficult. If you don’t, then tell me now, because I can’t—I need—damn it.” He thumped the palm of his hand on the wheel. “I need to hear you say it.”
I love you.
Last night the anticipation of seeing him again had kept her from sleeping. Those words had resounded inside her head. Today, awareness that if he knew how much she did love him meant he’d never walk away, even for his own safety, kept her from giving them a voice. She stared at him, unsure of what was the best thing to do. Both sides of herself warred. Did she love him enough to let him go? Yes, to keep him safely out of Janek’s grasp, she did. Her fingers went to the chain around her neck, and she took the comfort of knowing it was his, stealing a brief moment and buying herself time. “I can’t say it yet. I need time to think.”
“Time, you say?” Disappointment laced his voice. Caleb’s mouth pressed together. He made a nodding motion with his head as if he understood what she didn’t fully understand herself. “Why?”
“Because…”
Every moment he’s with me is dangerous for him. It costs him everything. He shouldn’t have to give up everything for me.
“I’m not sure yet.” She lied through her teeth, causing a sharp, breath-stealing ache in her chest. “I’m not sure how I feel yet.” She prayed he didn’t know she was lying. But given how he watched her, she thought he might.
“You’re thinking I’ve lost my mind? You are trying to protect me.” It was ridiculous and exhilarating that he could read her mind. His hand reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Do I understand you correctly?”
“No, it’s not that.” She wasn’t quite ready to admit he was correct yet. “I just want to consider it carefully, Caleb.” As much as she wanted to protect him from making a mistake, she hated the hurt in his voice and needed to soften it. The admission was ripped from deep inside her, from a place she’d locked away and refused to acknowledge for years. “For me, this time, there is no going back once I say it.” She wrapped her hand around his and squeezed lightly. “Let me think about it. I’m scared of my feelings—and yours.”
“Okay.” He leaned as close as he could within the confines of the seat and the steering wheel, peering into her eyes. “So tell me a bit later.” She saw the exact moment he flipped a switch in his head when his eyes softened. “Will you communicate it in writing, or will you tell me yourself?”
The relief that he was teasing her was almost overwhelming, and the pressure to make a decision immediately faded away. “Carrier pigeon.” She winked at him. “They’re two aisles over from the coffee. I better get moving. They only have two a day, and if they’re sold out, then you’ll have to wait until next week for your answer.” She didn’t give him time to respond but fumbled with the seatbelt when she got stuck in it, then the door, and escaped for the safety of the store.