Page 20 of Caging Cessie (Submissives of Rawhide Ranch #20)

“You haven’t let me come,” she whispered. “Not since we got here.”

He made a noncommittal noise. “Last night something happened. I didn’t think it was an orgasm but was planning to ask you.”

“No. It wasn’t. It was like an… emotional release. I think.”

“I will admit for a moment I was worried you were going to pass out from pain.”

“It definitely hurt, but by the end, my clit didn’t hurt as much as my nipples or ass.”

“That’s because the lube I used when I was fingering you had aloe in it. It helped neutralize the ginger.”

“You did?” She smiled softly. “Thank you, for thinking of that.”

Leon stiffened. She felt the change in his posture. Felt his thigh muscles go rock hard under her ass.

Her stomach bottomed out.

“Let’s go inside.” His voice was neutral, almost flat.

“Leon, please, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Without another word he helped her off his lap. In that moment, she was desperately glad of the hood, because without it she was sure he wouldn’t have held her hand to lead her back inside.

Leon paced in front of the fireplace, jaw tight, hands flexing at his sides. He could feel the anger simmering just under the surface—not hot, explosive anger, but the cold, heavy kind.

Cessie sat on the couch, tense, arms wrapped around herself like she was trying to hold in all the things she wasn’t saying. Her head was bowed, and she looked so fucking vulnerable like that—naked, hooded, and hunched in on herself—that his heart clenched.

He’d brought her inside, made sure she was comfortable on the couch, and then taken a step back to gather himself.

He stopped pacing and turned to face her. “You were surprised that I took care of you.”

She lifted her head, and right now he fucking hated that hood because he couldn’t see her eyes.

“I wasn’t surprised that you took care of me. I just didn’t know how detailed your plans were.”

“Our scenes were always detailed. I used to spend the week planning every second of what we’d do together at Las Palmas. I’ve been planning this trip for months. Since we applied.”

“You’re angry.” Her throat worked as she swallowed.

Leon raked a hand through his hair. “I’m not angry at you, Cessie. I’m angry because you’re still acting like you don’t trust me—not really—even when I’m right in front of you, trying to take care of you.”

Cessie’s mouth tightened, and her chin tipped up.

Leon took a breath, slower this time. “I’m not some stranger who’s going to use you up and leave.

I’m not your damn brother. I’m not your mother.

” He crouched down in front of her, watching her face tip as she tracked his movement by sound.

“I keep showing up, over and over. But you keep this wall up between us.”

“That’s not fair.” Her voice cracked at the edges.

“Isn’t it? You don’t talk to me, Cessie. Not really. You won’t tell me what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling.”

She shook her head, but he could see her shoulders tighten like she was bracing for impact.

Fuck.

He’d planned to have this conversation later, after a few more days of relearning how to trust one another. But it was all coming out now.

“You trust me with your body,” Leon said, quieter now, “but not with what’s in your head. Not with what matters most.”

She pressed her lips together, and he could see the fight rising in her—defensive, prickly. The same way she always got when he told her he was worried about her. Asked if he could help her.

Leon sat back on his heels, giving her space. “I’m watching you burn, like a meteor headed for impact but burning up before it even hits the ground.”

“I’m not doing it on purpose.”

Her head was bowed, and he realized the hood didn’t really matter, because even if she hadn’t been wearing it, he doubted she’d have looked at him.

“Aren’t you?” Fuck. He should have stayed gentle, but he tossed the word at her like a challenge.

“What do you want me to give up, Leon? Work? My family?” Her voice cracked. “Us?”

His heart clenched and he softened his next words. “You’re exhausted. Stretched so thin you can’t even feel it anymore. And you refuse to ask for, or fuck, even accept, help.”

There was silence, before she said, “I know what you think of my brother and mom.”

He winced. “I’m sorry if I’ve said anything?—”

Cessie surged to her feet, surprising him.

“Take me to the bedroom.”

“Cessie, we need to?—”

“If you say you’ll take care of me then prove it. Take me to the bedroom.”

Heart sinking, he took her hand, leading her into the bedroom.

“Where’s the cage?”

He guided her hand to the bars, and something inside him broke because he knew what was next. She’d take off the hood, get dressed, and either they’d have a real fight, or she’d just leave. “I’ll take the hood?—”

Cessie hugged the bars, using both hands to feel her way to the open door.

She stepped inside and swung it shut.

Then she reached up and removed the hood herself.

Leon stared at her, not surprised that she’d removed the hood, but shocked that she’d put herself into the cage.

She was still obeying his rules—she could only have the hood off if she was in the cage.

Her eyes were red-rimmed, and when she blinked, tears slid down her cheeks. She gripped the bars as she looked at him.

“They’re using me. I know that. I talk about it in therapy all the time.”

He stayed quiet, watching and waiting.

“You can’t stand bullshit or lies, and my family is full of both. I help them, solve their problems for them, because it’s easier if I do it before a small problem becomes massive.”

Her breathing was a little too quick, and he tensed, ready to grab her if this blossomed into full panic.

“At least that’s what I tell myself. That if I just help them when they first ask or demand, it’s actually saving time.”

She dipped her head. “I knew it would sound stupid if I tried to tell you that going to Vegas on every free weekend was actually making my life less hectic. That my trips out there were a way of trying to manage their chaos. Contain it within those weekends.”

“I wish you’d explained what you were thinking.”

She swiped at her cheeks before looking up. “What would really make my life less hectic would be to tell them no. Set boundaries and hold them. Then I wouldn’t end up doing stupid things like falling asleep behind the wheel.”

He didn’t say anything, because the reality was that if it were up to him, she’d go low contact with her family for the sake of her own health and sanity, but that was a decision he both couldn’t and wouldn’t make for her.

“So, I pre-schedule crisis-management time. I told myself that eventually they’ll change, and I won’t have to go out there as often.”

That would never happen, and though she didn’t say as much, her tone made it clear she knew that.

“I help them because helping people makes me feel needed and loved. The one boundary I keep, the one person I protect… is you.”

He stared at her, not exactly surprised—this was another thing they’d talked about and around in the past. What he did feel was stunned.

“I protect you, by not asking you for help.”

Leon was shaking his head before she was even done speaking.

“Damn it, Cessie. Trust me enough to ask for my help. Trust that I will tell you no if I don’t have the time or?—”

“It’s not about time. It’s about…” She stopped, breathing deep and too fast. “I can’t ask you for help, because if I do, I make my bad decisions your bad decisions.”

Leon jerked in surprise. They’d had versions of this conversation a million times before, but she’d never said anything like this.

Cessie was quiet for a long time. Long enough that Leon wondered if she was done. Then, so quietly he almost missed it, she said, “I know I need to stop.”

She dragged in a breath, shaky and thin. “I know I can’t keep fixing things for them. Not after what my brother did. Not after he —” She broke off, swallowing hard. “Not after he stole my identity and almost destroyed everything I’ve worked for.”

Her voice cracked on the last words, and Leon’s hands itched to reach for her, to pull her close, but he stayed where he was.

“I know it’s not sustainable,” Cessie whispered. “But it’s hard. I’m more comfortable helping people than... than letting anyone help me.”

“That’s what this is about,” Leon said gently. “This—us—it’s not just about me taking control. It’s about letting yourself be taken care of. Trusting that I will always be there for you.”

He stepped forward, gently wrapping his hands over hers where they gripped the bars.

“I’m not asking you to stop being strong,” Leon said. “I’m asking you to let me be strong for you sometimes. To stop carrying it all alone.”

She sucked in a shaky breath and nodded—a small, tentative movement, but a nod all the same.

Leon exhaled slowly, the tightness in his chest easing just a little. If he were smart, he would have let it go, ended the conversation there.

“What did you mean, you can’t make your bad decisions my bad decisions? Do you think that’s what asking for help is?”

She hesitated. “What would you have done if I told you I needed your help because I had to go to Vegas to take my brother to the dentist?”

He started to answer, but she shook her head and he fell quiet, letting her talk.

“First, you would have pointed out that it’s ridiculous that my brother can’t go on his own—he doesn’t have a phobia or fear of dentists, he just doesn’t want to go.

Then you might have pointed out that my mother could take him.

He lives with her. After that you might have bought me a plane ticket to save me time and because you know I spend most of my money on them.

Or maybe you’d have tried to pay a car service or medical transport to take him. ”

That’s… exactly what would have happened.

“And if none of that worked, you might have gone with me. All the way to Vegas. And I know you would have been civil to my brother and mother, because you’re a good guy.”

He wasn’t, but he liked that she thought he was. He would have been civil to them for her, not because he thought it was the right thing to do.

“And the whole time, I would have felt guilty and ashamed. Because my fucked-up relationship with my family, my inability to say no to them, was now your problem. I don’t even want to ask you to get groceries, because the reason I don’t have time to shop is that when I’m not at work, I’m dealing with them.

” Tears slid silently down her cheeks. “Any time I’d ask for help, I’d be dragging you down with me.

Making my bad decision your bad decision. ”

His heart broke for her. He’d figured out some of what was going on in her head but hadn’t known how bad it was. “No, baby. Listen to me. This isn’t about a decision being good or bad.”

“If the situation was reversed, you would have just said no to your brother.”

“Because my mom didn’t raise me to be my brother’s fixer and caretaker. My mom didn’t spend my childhood turning everything into a crisis that I had to try and manage and fix.”

Her tears stopped being silent as a small sob escaped her. He wanted to take her in his arms, but in this moment, he had a feeling that she needed the bars of the cage between them. That the cage was creating a protective, safe space where she could say the things they’d only been dancing around.

“Cessie, look at me.”

It took a minute, but she met and held his gaze.

“I love you.”

Her lips parted on a soft sob.

“I love you,” he said again. “I love you even if you make decisions I wouldn’t make. I love that you feel like you need to be in control, except when you’re with me like this and you submit. I live for the moment I can see that you’re no longer tensed up and waiting for the next crisis.”

“Leon,” she sobbed. “I love you too, and I’m so scared of losing you.”

He wanted to reassure her that she’d never lose him, but it was time for brutal honesty. “There’s only one way you could lose me.” He leaned in, pressing his forehead against the cage. “Don’t make me watch you drown.”

Her breath caught and she pushed up onto her toes, kissing him through the bars. There was desperation in her kiss. He kept his eyes closed for a moment after it ended.

“You’re carrying more weight than anyone should, Cessie.” He opened his eyes. “And if you don’t either let some of it go, or let someone help, it’s going to break you.”

Leon forced himself to take a step back. “And if you decide—” He had to swallow hard to make space for the next words. “If you decide that the thing that you’re going to let go of is us, I’ll respect that decision. It’ll kill me, but I won’t add to your stress by fighting it.”

Her eyes were widening with panic. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“Then you have to decide to trust me. Trust me enough to tell me what’s going on, and then trust me to help you.

I won’t demand you stop helping your family—” His therapist had explained in detail how any kind of ultimatum like that, especially around relationships, was totally unacceptable.

“But I won’t stand by and watch the woman I love drive herself into an early grave. ”

He needed to give her time to process what he’d just said. It was the hardest thing he’d ever done, but Leon turned and walked out of the bedroom.