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CHAPTER THREE

“ H ave you guys fucked my dad?”

It’s been the only question on my mind from the moment I woke up, and I can’t hold it back now. At the stove, Derreck stops scrambling eggs, slowly turning to face me, and I hear Sidney let out a snort of a laugh. Even Julian seems taken aback, his brows knit together as he finishes his glass of orange juice. He wipes the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand and says,

“Are you really asking us that?”

“I mean…yeah?” It’s a fair question, I think. Dad always did seem to enjoy these trips more than everyone else. He was always eager to pack up and get away. Was it to fuck around with these three?

“We’ve met your mama, boy,” Derreck says. “I’m way too damn old to be fuckin’ with married men. We all are.”

“I’m not,” Sidney mutters. “Just last year?—”

Julian interrupts. “Marriage aside, that’d be quite fucked up, no? Banging the boss, then his boy?”

“Yeah,” I say, stabbing at my plate of pancakes. “I was just worried. And grossed out by the thought. I don’t…I don’t understand any of this. Y’all know it’s crazy, right? Like, this is all fuckin’ crazy.”

Julian smiles softly. “It’s a lot to process. I apologize for not easing you into it. Last night was just…an opportunity. But it should’ve been something you learned slowly, not all at once.”

Swirling the tines of my fork in the maple syrup pool, I swallow hard and force myself to meet his gaze. “So, do you guys only hookup when you’re here? Nothing outside of this cabin?”

While Derreck’s plating his food, I hear him laugh. “There’ve been some times when we’ve slipped up, but for the most part, yeah. Cabin-only playtime.”

“Why though?” I lean forward, elbows on the counter. “It’s 2025. People be gay. You don’t have to hide it, or like…be ashamed of it.”

“Ain’t ashamed of shit, boy,” Sidney grunts. “And I’ll bash anyone’s fuckin’ head in if they have something to say about this. It’s just edging, that’s all.”

“What he means,” Julian sighs, “is that it’s part of the game. Part of the fun. Three hundred and sixty-two days of waiting. Waiting for that relief. Waiting to put one of these fuckers on their knees for all the teasing they did in January, or when they felt you up in July. You wait, and you wait, and finally, after all that patience, you get to let them have it. Hours on end, round after round.”

I can’t help the small smile that progressively grows larger. Is it a crazy fucking concept to me? No question. But the way he talks about it… The excitement in his voice is infectious. I’ve heard of delayed gratification, but this takes it to a new level. Possibly a better one.

“Do the other guys know about it?”

Last night, Dad’s other employees finally showed up right before the sun set, and this morning, I heard a few of them tossing a football around and talking about their wives. It’s funny how straight they all sound in comparison. I don’t think I would’ve noticed it before, but after last night, seeing the way they interact feels so impersonal. I guess being six to seven inches deep in your coworker every year changes how you interact with them.

“No,” Sid says, smirking. “And they’ll never find out.”

“You know how guys are,” Julian says with a roll of his eyes. “For as much work as your father does keeping them in line, they still get a little weirded out at the mere idea of men being into other men. Which is why we put all their asses in that cabin.”

A few years ago, I probably would’ve cared more about the people working for Dad, worried whether things would be weird if I showed up to something like this, but really, who gives a fuck what guys like that think? They barely wipe their asses yet they’re worried about who has their face buried in mine…

Derreck finishes up with cooking and sits next to me at the bar, playfully nudging me out of the way to make more room for his larger frame. He’s exactly the same as he was before last night. Same ease, same teasing energy. It’s almost embarrassing how inexperienced I sound.

I’ve had sex. I can catch a dick, trust. But guys my age are weird. The moment they finally get inside it, they act different. Sometimes it’s positive, where they’re open to more than just physical intimacy. Sometimes, and often what I’ve experienced more than anything else, you stop existing to them until it’s time for them to fuck again.

That’s not the case here. No one’s looking at me different despite last night ending with me having a face full of Derreck’s cum and Julian and Sid taking turns licking it off. It’s enough to make me nearly laugh at myself for treating it like more than it is. Instead, I stuff my mouth full of pancakes and chew.

“Now that you’re awake, Jayden, we all thought it was important to talk about a few things,” Julian says.

Oh shit…

“Okay. What’s up?”

“Well, mostly we wanted to talk about this arrangement. We all know the things we’re into and the things we’re not, but if you planned on having fun with us again on the trip, it’s important your kinks and limits are known too. No pressure, of course.”

Of course it’s Julian that’s the one to check in. Even before all this started, it was always him asking me the most questions about my job or social life when we’d talk at one of Dad’s parties. He never missed the chance to get caught up, even when things started getting bad and I had an obvious dark cloud hanging over my head. Now, he’s doing it again. Being decent.

I’ve never had a conversation like this before, primarily because there’s not much kink that goes on in my life, but it’s nice that they’ve even considered me for this. “Well. I had a lot of fun last night. And I wouldn’t be opposed to doing that again, just to let everyone know. I don’t… I’m kind of vanilla in practice.”

“That’s okay,” Julian says with a nod.

“So, like, I’m not sure I know everything I’d be into? I know I liked what we did last night. I liked the kissing. The sharing. Being told I was good.” I cut my eyes to Sidney. “Being told I wasn’t…”

“Was I too harsh?” Sidney chimes in. “I can be kind of an arsehole.”

“No, actually,” I laugh. “I’ve never had someone say all that to me before, so it was a surprise, but…but I definitely enjoyed it.”

“Sid gets off on the mean shit,” Derreck explains. “‘You’re a slut, let me degrade you.’ All that.”

It’s not sheepish, but there’s something endearing about Sidney’s smile when he says, “Can’t help it. Something hot about insults. Makin’ ‘em feel guilty for what they like. Calling ‘em names. Insults. Slurs.”

I glance at Derreck for obvious reasons. “Uh…”

“Not that one,” Derreck says, chuckling.

“God, no,” Julian adds. “Sid here loves ‘princess’ and ‘sissy.’ When he’s feeling really filthy, he’ll go balls deep and call you his ‘nasty little faggot.’”

It probably shouldn’t, but the image of Sidney pinning me down and pounding me out while using the same insults I got called in high school excites me in a novel way. Is it regressive and worthy of putting a hole through someone’s face if they were to call me something like that now? Sure. But Sid’s a good guy and it seems like it’s all in good fun.

“Okay,” I say, smiling with embarrassment. “I can get down with that too.”

Sidney smiles back. “Good boy.”

And just like it always does, that phrase sends my stomach up in a whirlwind. “So, do you guys have like…all the necessary stuff?” I ask, trying not to blush this early in the morning. “You know, condoms, lube, fist-shaped toys, all that?”

“We don’t use condoms,” Derreck says.

“No?”

Julian sits up straighter to explain, “Before we all get down here, we get tested. I have my paperwork with me this time, but I usually just take a picture of it before I leave. If we’re all clear, we skip protection.”

Can’t say I blame them. If me and my friends had a tradition where we all went up in the woods and fucked every year, I’d probably stay on top of my health and avoid doing anything to throw a wrench in those plans. Especially if I had to wait an entire year to fool around with them.

“I haven’t had sex in like…a year and a half,” I say, looking around at the three of them. “I can actually look for a copy of my results in my phone if you just give me a sec…” I start to search for it when Julian puts his hand over the screen and sets it down on the counter.

“We’ll find that later,” he says lightly. “There’s no rush. We don’t even have to do anything penetrative if you don’t want. Since you’re the guest in our cabin, it’s up to you.”

“You’d be dumb to turn down getting fucked, but…”

I roll my eyes at Sidney’s remark and look back at Julian.

The longer I spend with these three, the more I’m starting to understand the dynamic of it all. Derreck is easy-going and laid back. There’s no pressure with him, and he loves to praise. Sid, on the other hand, is like a horny Tasmanian devil. If I let him, I’m sure he’d find one hundred different ways to fuck me and still want to figure out more. And Julian is the guiding hand. The one that can rile up Derreck into being more engaged and dial back Sid’s crass nature.

I take a sip of juice. “Can I admit something?”

“Of course,” Julian says.

“If I’m being completely honest, I’ve wanted to fuck around with you guys for like…years. Three or four, probably.”

Derreck raises his eyebrows and looks at the other two. “Should’ve spoken up sooner then,” he says, laughing. “We would’ve had you face down years ago.”

“How do you know I’m not a top?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

Silence.

Then a bout of laughter from each of the men in the kitchen. I can’t stop myself from smiling with them. All this time I thought I gave vers energy…despite never being all that interested in topping.

“I needed that laugh,” Derreck says, shaking his head and flashing me that blinding smile. He finishes off his last bit of coffee, then begins collecting the empty plates from the bar.

“Thank you for cooking,” Julian says, squeezing his ass with one hand as Derreck carries the dishes to the sink. Derreck laughs and says,

“You can thank me for it tonight. I’m gonna go get ready for this afternoon though. And then after, we’ll have to make up for lost time, Jayden.”

Sid nods. “I need a shower.”

I watch as the two of them head back to their rooms, then turn my attention back to Julian.

“What are we getting ready for?”

“The guys want to go hiking. I wasn’t sure if that was something you’d be interested in, but you’re welcome to come if you’d like. I always enjoy the fresh air out here. It’s different than in the city. After the hike, we usually hang out, eat, drink, what have you.”

A hike doesn’t sound that bad, and Mom and Dad have been dropping nothing but not-so-subtle hints that I need to step outside more and experience nature again.

“I’d be down! I’ll pack the drinks. I’m gonna need quite a bit to get through straight men on a hike,” I volunteer, glancing at the cooler sat near the pantry. Julian nods and picks at his food for a minute, lips pressed tight like he’s trying to hold something back. “What’s up?” I ask.

He taps the prongs of his fork against his plate for a moment before he says, “It’s not really my place.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just that…alcohol and antidepressants don’t necessarily mix all that well. I just want to make sure that you’re being safe. But like I said, it’s not my business, and you can drink as much as you’d like. I’m sure you know your limit more than I do.” He looks almost bashful trying not to offend me.

“I’m not…” I pause, thinking it over. Do I really want to talk about this right now? Do I want to get into the same conversations I’ve had with Mom and Dad since my doctor wrote that script for me? “I’m not on medication right now. I don’t need it.”

“No? I just thought that the pills you had…”

“Yeah, no, Mom just packed them for me.”

“Ah.” He takes a bite of his toast and stares at me from across the bar, ignoring the tiny bits of crust that collect in his beard. I think he’s going to drop the subject until he adds, “There’s nothing wrong with them, you know.”

“Hm?” I pretend I’m suddenly very busy on my phone, typing absolute gibberish in the Notes app.

“Lexapro was a lifesaver for my sister.”

“…Nice.”

“She was really bad for a while there. It was…It fucked me up to see that. She’d always been this go-getter. Highly motivated. Never took ‘no’ for an answer. And then one day it just kinda…changed. She wanted to stay in more. Her anxiety was through the roof. She never, y’know, attempted anything, but I remember her kids telling me it was like she just wasn’t there anymore. Crying, hopelessness, it was just…”

Julian sighs, and when I stop pretending to type, I find him shaking his head with a faraway look in his eyes. He’s back there, back in the days with her and her kids.

“I had to beg her. And it made me so mad. My brother-in-law was drowning without her. They were a team and she was just gone for months. And I had to fucking beg her to get help. She was stubborn as fuck. It’s how we were raised. You don’t need any help; you can get it on your own. All the doctor’s want is for you to be stuck on a new medication. That kinda shit.”

He laughs bitterly. It all sounds familiar to me. My mom’s side is the same. Hesitant of medical professionals. Hardheaded. All we need to fix anything is some ginger ale and time in bed. Embarrassingly enough, when I started feeling like shit, that’s exactly what I tried.

“I was mad at her,” Julian continues, “But I had some friends talk me through it. They had to explain to me that it’s a sickness. You don’t get mad at people for being bedridden from the flu. I couldn’t be mad at her for her brain not letting her get help. But fuck, when she finally saw a doctor and started…”

His bitterness fades away the more he speaks, and I see a smile on Julian’s face unlike any other I’ve witnessed in six years of knowing him. Ear to ear. Proud.

“She was back, Jayden. Her kids had their mom again. Her husband had his wife. I had my big sister. And most importantly, she had herself again. It wasn’t easy in the beginning, but the longer she stayed on it, the better she got. And now she’s her .”

“Good,” I say, smiling with him. He turns to me, and his face becomes serious when he speaks.

“I know right now there’s probably something holding you back. You might not even know what it is. Could be just a gut instinct to turn away from the medicine. But I promise you, Jayden, you deserve better than how you feel right now. Maybe no one’s ever given you permission to feel good, so let me.”

He rounds the corner and puts a hand on my shoulder. My throat is sandpaper, and I want nothing more than to look away. To pretend I can’t hear him. To run all the way back home and slam my bedroom door shut. Instead, I face him, staring deep into those dark eyes of his.

“You deserve to be the you that you were before this happened, okay?”

I want to speak, but all I can do is nod. The words stick inside, and trying to force them out is painful. Julian pulls me in for a hug, and it takes all my strength not to let my eyes water. When he steps away, he gives me a soft smile while cupping my cheek, then goes to clean up his plate.

As he’s leaving the kitchen, he stops and looks back. “I’m glad you came out here with us. It was a big step, and you’ve made this trip better just being here.”

I manage to hold back my tears until I hear him close his bedroom door.