Page 15 of Burning Escape (Chasing Fire: Alaska #3)

But she’d never get it out if she looked at him, so she kept her focus on a small crack in the plaster above her.

“I could blame it on the fact that my mom died when I was really little, like I told you before, and my dad kinda wasn’t around much.

He died my senior year of high school, but the sad thing is, I barely knew him when he was alive. ”

She swallowed and sat up. Orion still didn’t speak, but he listened. He listened with his whole body. She didn’t feel any judgment or censure coming from him.

She continued. “My sisters were the ones who took care of me until they moved out. And they have life figured out. I mean, Libby is married and has two adorable kids. She’s successful, and her husband works all over the world.

My sister Penny was an ATF agent and is now a PI, and she recently helped rescue a governor and his family.

But me? I’m the screwup who got sent to the principal’s office weekly and has jumped from guy to guy since middle school.

And I guess…I was lonely. So I was easy pickings when I met Razor at a night club I was way too young to get into. ”

“He’s your ex?”

She nodded. “He was part of a gang, a bottom-feeder dealer. But I didn’t care. For a little while, I belonged somewhere. I didn’t even mind that he was possessive and controlling. I thought he was being protective. And…I dunno, it was a messed-up way of feeling like someone cared.”

“So you were part of the gang too?”

“Not really. I didn’t want much to do with his friends, but I knew about the illegal stuff.

I stayed out of it for the most part, I just didn’t want to be alone.

But when Razor was going to go to prison after shooting a guy, he moved up here to stay off the grid so the cops couldn’t find him. I came with him.”

“That’s what brought you to Alaska?”

“Yup. But he worked the crabbing ships and was gone for weeks at a time. I needed money, so I got a job at the gym. I loved it. One of the girls there taught me how to be a trainer, and I met some good friends. I started seeing what real life could be. That being alone wasn’t so bad and I was actually able to take care of myself.

Every day I got stronger, pushed myself to my limits physically, and it changed my mentality too.

And I started getting repeat clients. I was helping them, and that felt good. ”

“Then what?”

“Eventually, Razor came back from one of his trips and said the coast was clear in California, but I didn’t want to go back. I told him I was done. Done with him. Done with that life.”

“I’m guessing he wasn’t too happy about that.”

“Not at all, but I wanted to live my own life. He eventually got the message, said he could do better than me, and left. But apparently, he’s back.

” She fiddled with the ring on her finger.

She switched it back to her right hand. “I did so much with him that I regret. Whatever he wanted, I didn’t argue.

I don’t want to be that person anymore.”

“You’re not. I’ve never known a woman stronger and more sure of herself than you.” Orion’s steady gaze bored into her.

And he didn’t shrink back at what he saw. Instead he moved closer, gently tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. She couldn’t allow herself to lean into his touch.

“You don’t really know me, Ry.”

“I know enough. You care about people. Like Joann and Josiah. You’re strong. Courageous. And determined.”

His words pierced through to the soft, tender places inside. But they were dangerous. She couldn’t forget what she’d escaped. And she certainly couldn’t fall for someone else, especially someone with faith.

So she’d better make sure Orion understood.

“Look, I’ve done so much I’m not proud of, but I’m making my own way. I know you believe in God, and you have to know that I won’t be joining any kind of church. It’s just another sort of gang as far as I’m concerned. Some of the meanest people I knew growing up were the Christians in my school.”

“I’m sorry that was the case for you. Is that why you tensed up during the prayer time at the Refuge?”

“Probably. One of my boyfriends had very religious parents. His mother was awful. She told me straight to my face that her son was to have nothing to do with me since I was destined for hell. The funny thing is, he’s the one that taught me how to hotwire a car and how to find the good parties near the college campus.

He wasn’t a nice guy. Yet she claimed I was the one who corrupted him. ”

“That’s awful.”

Tori swallowed at the softness in his voice.

“The worst of it was after my dad died. People at his funeral, Christians and good church-going folk, whispered about how he deserved it since he was always drunk. That it was God’s grace he died that way and didn’t take anyone else, since he died in a one-car accident.

” Tears spilled down her cheeks. “I know he wasn’t the greatest father and all… but he was still my dad.”

And if that was God’s grace, she didn’t want anything to do with it.

Orion didn’t say anything. He simply opened his arms to her, and she fell into his embrace. It was safe there, a safe place to release the hurt, the pain inflicted so long ago.

He whispered close to her ear. “What those people said about your father was wrong. That’s not God’s grace, Tori. God is called the Good Shepherd for a reason. He heals the sick and seeks after the lost. He loves us enough to die for us, because He came to save us. Not condemn us.”

Something in her quickened at Orion’s words. But she was well acquainted with people looking and sounding good on the outside and being filled with evil and corruption on the inside.

She slowly sat up and sniffed. “I don’t think those people got that message. They were really good at condemning.” She reached for a tissue. “But enough of that. I just wanted you to know where I stand when it comes to all this God stuff.”

“Okay.”

She waited for him to say more, but it didn’t come.

“That’s it? You’re not going to try to change me? Convince me your God is the right God?”

“That’s not my job. If you do want to talk about it, I’m here.”

Somehow, his answer cooled her ire. And maybe the whole faith thing did deserve some of her attention.

Orion was different in a good way because of his faith.

And then there were the people at the Refuge.

Except for Jeremiah, they worked together for the good of the group and really seemed to live out what they preached—even if Amos was a little grumpy and Hannah had been skeptical at first. Mara was sweet and had gone out of her way to help them.

Joann and Abraham trusted them, and Hiram’s family had given up their bedroom, wanting Tori and Orion to have the best place to rest.

She needed some space to think.

And a shower.

She stood and pulled her hair out of its ponytail.

“I’m going to take that shower now. But here—” She walked over to her purse on the desk and pulled out her debit card.

“Take this. Could you grab us some food from Starlight Pizza down at the end of the block? They should let you call the sheriff from there too.”

Orion hesitated. “I’m not sure I should leave you here alone. What if that guy comes back?”

“I’ll lock the door behind you. But I need to clean up and get back to the clinic. I don’t want to leave Joann alone for much longer.”

He seemed reluctant, but Orion finally left, promising to find some food for them and be back to walk to the clinic together.

Tori tried to shake off the creep factor of Razor and his “gift,” but even with the steaming hot water of the shower, she couldn’t push back the chill that had settled in since seeing the knife.

She hated to admit it, but Orion’s presence did give her a sense of calm protection.

Not that she could give in to it and rely on him.

She’d thought guys were safe before and found out the hard way that her instincts when it came to men were so skewed she couldn’t tell light from dark.

It felt good to get clean though—wash away the grime of two days in the wilderness, wrap herself in a fluffy towel, and slip on clean clothes.

She grabbed her comfiest sweatshirt and joggers and made a cup of coffee.

Wrapped up in her fuzzy throw, she jumped at a knock on the door. She stood there a moment. Should she open it?

“Just me.”

Orion.

Tori blew out the breath she’d been holding and opened the door.

He held up two bags of food. “Deputy Mills said not to touch anything else and to meet him at the clinic. He’s going to send someone to collect the knife and the box. They’ll check it for prints.”

They walked back to the clinic and spotted the same deputy that had been talking to Kitri earlier leaning against the front desk in the lobby, clearly waiting for them. He got up and walked over. “Ready for your statement?”

Tori nodded. She moved to the far side of the lobby with the deputy, while Orion chatted with the nurse who’d come in.

Twenty minutes later, Tori finished explaining about her delivery and walked over to Orion.

“The nurse said they want to send Kitri to Anchorage for further testing and tox screens,” he said.

“Is she going to be okay?”

“Dunno. I guess she has moments of being completely lucid, and then she’s back to speaking gibberish. They arranged transportation and were able to get ahold of her husband and kids on his satellite phone on their fishing trip.”

“Good. I’ll go and check on Joann and bring her some food.”

“I’ll wait here for you.” He passed off the bag of food and gave her a reassuring smile.

She went back and found Joann, who held Josiah close as a nurse showed her how to use a specialty bottle to feed him.

Joann smiled up at Tori. “He’s eating.”

“Way to go, little man.” Tori ran a light finger over his downy hair.

“He’s doing it. Praise God.”

Tori wasn’t sure about the praising God part, but the peace and joy in Joann’s face was a beautiful change. “He’s doing great.” Tori sat in the chair next to Joann.

“They helped me express milk with a machine, but there’s one I can do manually. And the doctor said when Josiah gets older, we can do that surgery you mentioned. There’s even a ministry that does it for children around the world. We might qualify for their help.”

“That’s incredible, Joann. I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank you for being God’s answer to my prayer.” Joann smiled with tears in her eyes, grabbing Tori’s hand and squeezing tightly. “He’s good, isn’t He?”

Tori didn’t have the heart to tell her she wasn’t anyone’s answer to prayer. She didn’t want to dim this woman’s happiness.

But God had been good to Joann, and Josiah had the help he needed. So maybe there was hope.

But there was a lot more evidence of darkness in this world, including her own past. So what could she do about that? Especially when it had come back to taunt her.