Page 104

west

A s a wedding present to Jackson, I’d taught Zeus how to be mounted from a lying down position. His accident may have taken a lot from him, but I refused to let it take horseback rides from him too. From us . To say it made him emotional was an understatement. I’d never tell just how hard it had been because every minute of fighting Zeus had been worth it to watch them gallop through the back fields of our home.

I lived for these moments with the open sky overhead and the wind in my hair. The hoofbeats on the earth beneath me were grounding—centering me in a way I’d never be able to explain. These moments calmed my heart and brought peace to my soul.

And there were moments in the quiet as I rode Thunder Jack when I was floored by the life I had. The life I’d built for myself with Jackson . An impossible kind of gratitude would take over—the kind I felt deep inside. There were no good words to describe how I felt about what I had.

Years ago, I never would’ve thought a life like this was possible for me. I let the demons and the darkness take everything from me. I couldn’t see beyond any of it. How could someone like me be worthy of anything so good and pure in the world? The answer had always been so simple: I wasn’t.

And that wasn’t to say I hadn’t fought for it. I had. Every fucking day for fifteen months I fought for it. And I still did. But it was worth it. The good days far outweighed the bad ones. I knew real happiness—the kind of happiness that had once been a pipe dream. The kind of happiness I never believed I was worthy of. I felt comfortable in my own skin. My body wasn’t a stranger to me, and my mind… well, it was a work in progress, but even that didn’t scare me because I knew I couldn’t fail.

I’d survived my worst days.

I could survive whatever else life threw at me.

“You good, baby?” Jackson asked, his deep voice pulling me from my thoughts. He nudged Zeus a little closer. I smiled at Jackson—at the man who inspired me to be better. Who showed me just how good my life could be and saw me, even when I couldn’t see myself.

At the man who so fiercely believed in me that I knew I could do anything.

“Yeah, I’m good, cowboy.”

And I was.

I loved our life at West Haven.

I loved Jackson.

But most of all… I loved me.